My Shit List

In case you folks haven't noticed, I tend to be a pretty angry son of a bitch. I don't know if its the Lyme Disease or just the Irish thing but for whatever reason I have the unfortunate tendency of being frequently pissed off by the world around me. Some might even venture so far as to call me a troll, which is one post-modern label I reject entirely. A troll is an angry bitch who hides behind a computer screen. I maybe an angry bitch but I'm not fucking hiding from anyone. My name is Nick fucking Reid and I am an unapologetic, jobless, head case, living with my parents in Central Pennsylvania. You might say I'm kind of a loser, personally, I prefer work in progress but I'm no fucking troll. With that being said, my anger does get the best of me from time to time and when this inevitably happens I usually resort to writing a shit list. A list of all the people who really fucking burn my ass. As much as I'd love to take credit for this nifty little idea, the real credit belongs to criminally underrated Grunge goddesses L7, who penned one of my all time favorite songs called, you guessed it, Shit List. I'd drone on further but the lyrics put it better than I ever could.

              "When I get mad and I get pissed, I take out my pen and write me a list,
                of all you assholes who wont be missed, YOU MADE MY SHIT LIST!"

So without further ado, dearest motherfuckers, I bring you fourteen assholes who definitely wont be missed, here is my latest shit list (in no particular order).

* MICHAEL MOORE- I actually used to love this fellow socialist fat fuck until he copped an ego, sold out and turned into another pussy, partisan, liberal mouth piece for the DNC. Mike began his descent into unforgivable dickdom when he went with the lily liberal cool crowd and stabbed his old buddy Ralph Nader in the fucking back for costing neoliberal heart throb, Al Gore a presidency he had no trouble blowing himself by being an unelectable wet noodle but Mr. Moore's worst crime was his repulsive choice for a replacement candidate in 2004, none other then General Wesley Clark, The deranged war monger behind the savage bombing of Kosovo in '99 not to mention his insane attempt to attack Russian peacekeeping forces at Pristina International Airport. An act that could have started World War 3 if the Brits hadn't refused to follow his deranged orders. And this is Michael's choice alternative for Nader? A repent-less war criminal who undoubtedly would have face the noose at Nuremberg. Fuck Micheal Moore, fucking sell out.

* HAIM SABAN- The only thing worse then Killary Clinton is her puppet master, a billionaire media mogul, openly devoted to brainwashing America into unblinking subservience to his own personal brand of genocidal super Zionism. No one has put more time and money into Killaries presidential campaigns then good old Haim, who even went so far as to threaten to de-fund Botox queen, Nancy Pelosi for even suggesting that Democratic Super-delegates  should respect the parties popular vote and support Obama in the 2008 presidential election. Saban is proof positive that dirty, bloody money infects both major parties equally and that racism (AKA Zionism) isn't a strictly Republican ailment. Fuck Haim Saban. I'll be ready for Killary when I'm six feet under.

* AL SHARPTON- A permed out, snappy dressing, ambulance chasing, self serving huckster who made a name for himself riding the coat tails of the Civil Rights Movement and photo bombing every black tragedy in wobbling distance of a Cinnabon. Al Sharpton is the definition of a charlatan, so it came as little surprise to learn the newly anorexic Al Sharpton had a second career as an FBI snitch, selling out his own people for a profit and it came as even less of a surprise that he became Obama's official mouth piece to black America, sent to pacify there rage over Barry's total indifference to there suffering and bottle it for the next election. Fuck Al Sharpton, fucking MSNBC circus barker.

* TOM GRANT- Most people are unfamiliar with this two bit ass wipe so I'll fill you in. In late march of '94 Kurt Cobain checked into the Exodus Recovery Center in Los Angeles for his crippling heroin addiction on the insistence of his friends and family, only to hop the fence and head home to Seattle. Desperate and tired of the polices foot dragging, Kurt's wife Courtney Love, who was going through detox herself in LA, hired private investigator Tom Grant to track down her self destructive husband before it was to late. Not only did Grant fail to find Kurt alive, he failed to even find his body at his and Courtney's Seattle home, leaving it to be discovered by an electrician, long after he had tragically taken his own life. While the world wept and mourned the loss of one of it's most precious souls, lifelong loser gumshoe Tom Grant saw opportunity in tragedy. Tom saw an opportunity for his fifteen minutes of fame and hopped aboard the sexist, Courtney bashing, bandwagon and began telling any moron who would listen that Courtney killed her beloved and troubled husband. Over twenty years later this parasitic clump of human shit is still eking out a meager living on tabloid paperbacks and Z grade conspiracy docs vilifying one of my heroes by blaming her for the suicide of another one of my heroes. For this crime that loser prick will always be a permanent fixture on my shit list. Fuck you, Tom Grant. Burn in hell and go fuck yourself in half while your down there.

* SHELDON ADELSON- Disgusting doesn't even begin to describe this racist, casino billionaire, Republican king maker. Adelson has dumped hundreds of millions of dollars into putting spineless neocon bootlickers like Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush into power and you better fucking believe he expects to be paid back for his trouble, preferably with the corpses of dead Palestinian children, Sheldon's currency of choice. I don't think I've ever seen a more despicable display of plutocratic perversion then the latest Republican Jewish Coalition spring meeting at Mr. Adelson's Venetian Casino in Las Vegas, where GOP presidential hopeful after GOP presidential hopeful patiently waited in line to suck Sheldon's slimy cock as he roosted, luxuriously atop his thrown of blood speckled cash. Fuck Sheldon Adelson and his parade of putrid sluts.

* SPIKE LEE- Much like his fellow shit lister, Michael Moore, Spike Lee was once a brilliant and socially responsible director who has, sadly, spent the lion share of the last decade or so accusing talented directors like Quentin Tarantino of racism for making daring cinema and slinging overpriced, child slave made sneakers for the likes of Nike and Converse and as if that wasn't enough, the icing on the shit cake, Lee had to take a steaming dump on cinephiles everywhere by making a lazy, idiotic, Americanized remake of Korean maestro Park Chan Wok's masterpiece, Oldboy. Jesus fucking Christ, Spike! How did you go from Do The Right Thing to this? Fuck you.

* HULK HOGAN- Confession time; I'm a lifelong wrestling fan, I know, I know, I'm a hick, fuck you. I grew up on wrestling, so growing up, a lot of my heroes were wrestlers, intense, gritty, never say die types like Bret Hart, Jake the Snake, Raven, Mick Foley and Tommy Dreamer. They weren't always perfect. They weren't always good guys. They were complicated, flawed and tortured motherfuckers and that's why I loved them and that's why I despise Hulk Hogan, the epitome of everything that's wrong with wrestling, a phony, shallow, jingoistic, walking marketing campaign for Reaganomics that can't wrestle to save his life. A two faced hypocrite, barking say your prayers and eat your vitamins while he fucks floozy's, shoots up steroids and and stabs half the fucking locker room in the back as he bleeds the company dry with his hedonistic contracts and now, surprise, surprise, it turns out the Hulksters a fucking racist, going apeshit over the very thought of his precious Aryan Amazon daughter being defiled by her black boy toy. Fuck Hulk Hogan and fuck all the little Hulkamaniacs at home who refuse to grow up and realize there heroes a lie. Oh yeah, and EC fucking W! For life.

* RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN- All hail the new sultan of Turkey! A psychopathic, mass murdering, despot, hell bent on reviving the putrid Ottoman Empire by any means necessary. This fascist genocide denier who puts the dick in dictator first creeped on my shit list years ago by bankrolling large portions of the jihadist uprising in the former Ottoman territory of Syria, aiding his NATO pals back here in the States by turning a minor insurrection into a gory civil war that paved the way for the rise of ISIS, who Erdogan quickly saw fit to receive his little empires covert aid and assistance. Why? Well, aside from being a dick of coarse, because Syria's own dictator, Bashar al-Assad dared to give refuge and support to Turkey's long oppressed Kurds. When Erdogan's latest plan to fuck the Kurds backfired and the PKK and YPG began kicking his Wahabist puppets collective asses, old Recep cooked up a new plan. Have his boys in ISIS bomb a rally being held by one of his numerous political enemies then use the resulting tragedy to declare war on terrorism in general, drop a few bombs on ISIS then use the rest to slaughter the PKK and YPG (recognized by Turkey as terrorists) and exploit the inevitable wartime patriotism of a still revanchist populace in order to get the parliamentary supremacy necessary to eviscerate the constitution and secure his hard earned place as sultan of slaughter. And It looks like this twisted fuck may have actually pulled it off, even managing to get the green light from NATO to finally ethnically cleanse the one population capable of taking ISIS to the woodshed but then again, ISIS was never really the true target anyway and America's never had a problem with fucking over the Kurds. So Erdogan's got his bloody fucking war but if he expects the Kurds to roll over, he doesn't no dick about history. Fuck Erdogan. Fuck the new Ottoman empire and power to the PKK and YPG! That's right you NSA/FBI bitches, I said it. Come and get me.

* DR. DREW PINSKY- Pinsky is kind of like Dr. Phil, only worse because he's actually a real doctor, exploiting his sick patients for fame and fortune and the good doctor has built quite the little media empire of his borderline Mengele grade medical ethics with books, radio, talk shows and some of the most despicable snuff television to ever infect the airwaves. Doctor Drew first hit serious pay dirt with Celebrity Rehab, where he put together a smattering of damaged has bins and cruelly poked and prodded them into making riveting television, often at the expense of there already fragile sanity. Six seasons and five bodies later, Dr. Drew got bored of torturing adults and decided to give children a try, creating a new genre of kiddie prego porn with 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom where he shamelessly exploits a bevy of poor, white trash, knocked up teen girls before tossing them and there offspring aside, carelessly, leaving the mothers to pursue careers in the big leagues of mainstream pornography and there progeny to become the subjects of his next reality TV abortion, Tortured Toddler Rehab with Dr. Drew. Fuck you, Pinsky, you twisted fucking freak.

* GEORGE SOROS- Every progressive wonk's favorite billionaire sugar daddy in reality is just another amoral corporate scumbag. Never mind the sleazy currency speculation. Forget about the insider trading conviction. Soros' dirtiest vice is his addiction to subverting and perverting democracy with his bottomless fortune. Beginning in the late '70s, Soros began dumping millions into building opposition groups in the Warsaw Pact. This tree of tyranny finally bore fruit with the phony, anti-communist revolutions of 1989 when Soros' private armies took advantage of social discontent in Central and Eastern Europe and overthrew the tyranny of crony communism and replaced it with the much more profitable tyranny of crony capitalism and you better fucking believe papa George got a taste of the action. Decades later the success of this experiment in nation building can be gauged by the depressing fact that the majority of people polled in these "free" nations preferred life under the boot of the secret police, where at least they didn't freeze and starve to death and they could let there kids walk to and from school without worrying if they will be sold into sexual slavery. Thanks George. But the fucker wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. Once this liberal vulture got hooked on intervention he couldn't get enough. Baby needs his fix. So Soros kept up the campaign by helping the State Department ignite the so called Color Revolutions (read my anti-NATO manifesto below) in order to open up new market opportunities in the former Soviet Union. And that's not all folks! George has also thrown his cash behind Turkish occupied Northern Cyprus (because the Greeks haven't been raped enough, apparently) and the organ harvesting gangster state of Kosovo and then, of coarse, there's George's unwavering support for Nazi occupied Ukraine (once again, read my anti-NATO manifesto) but hey, all in a days work for America's hippest oligarch, right? Fucking crook! Say what you want about the Koch Brothers but at least they stick to perverting there own fucking democracy. George Soros has the appetite of a bigger junkie. George Soros needs to fuck the whole world to get off. Well, fuck George Soros and his fucking hipster fan club.

* KRIS JENNER/KARDASHIAN- There's a lot of people to blame for the cultural black hole that is the Kardashian's, E!, Seacrest, the tabloids, God, but as far as I'm concerned the lion share of the blame goes to that toxic clan's matriarch Kris, a star fucking, husband hopping, plastic surgery disaster who shamelessly pimps out her own offspring to quench her vampiric thirst for publicity. No wonder her kids are all vapid, self centered snobs, it runs in the fucking family. Fuck the whole lot of them but fuck Kris most of all.

* BENJAMIN NETANYAHU- Israel's psychopathic Fuhrer is quite possibly the most dangerous leader on Earth, let alone the Middle East. A pitiless racial supremacist, hell bent on turning the Yankee rump state of Israel into a world superpower in its own right, no matter how many bodies he has to bury in the desert to get what he wants and Bi Bi always gets what he wants. The Ayatollah aint got shit on Netanyahu. The Walter White of Middle Eastern carnage, brilliant, manipulative, conniving and more then anything, relentless. Bi Bi knows how to play the game. Turning country against country. Manipulating established superpowers like Golems to do his bidding. Lying to the world through clenched teeth. Accusing his neighbors of possessing the same doomsday devices he stockpiles in his basement. Ethnically cleansing the open air prison of Gaza. Slaughtering women and children with a smile on his face and using the grotesque specter of the Holocaust to justify his own Final Solution. Bi Bi desecrates the memory of those seven million butchered souls every time he uses that tragedy to justify his unspeakable cruelty. Goddamn Benjamin Netanyahu and the disgusting factory of death that heretics like him have turned Israel into. Fuck you Bi Bi. You aren't no man of God.

* BILL MAHER- The smug Pied Piper of neoliberal bigotry. Bill Maher is part of a sickening new trend of ego drunk atheists who confuse theistic skepticism with full blown racism and Bill is most definitely a fucking racist. His virulent anti-Arab Islamaphobia puts Fox News to shame and his Apostolic Atheism gives Pat Roberts a run for his money in the know it all fundamentalist department. But bill swears and smokes dope so he must be cool right? Wrong. Bill Maher is nothing but a sad, empty, egotistical, racist shock jock just like the ones he makes a living mocking. Fuck Bill Maher, elitist snob.

* DICK CHENEY- And what shit list would be complete without the lord of darkness himself. A man so evil that his bloated cesspool of a body cant sustain a human heart. I could literally go on for years about why this sick fuck is the human personification of Satan but my main beef with this semi retired warmonger now is the simple fact that he wont fucking die. Everybody else dies, My Grandfather, My Grandmother, My favorite Uncle, Lou Reed, Hugo Chavez, all my fucking heroes but this geriatric monster wont fucking die. He could have fifty goddamn heart attacks a week and still be camera ready to tell us all on the Sunday morning talk shows how just a little more war would fix all the problems his kind created for this wretched planet. Fuck you most of all Dick Cheney and in the name of God, please, please, please do us all a big goddamn favor and go back home to hell were you belong.

So there you have it folks, my shit list. Fourteen god forsaken human garbage dumps who make my fucking blood boil. I hope your all thoroughly offended by my crass and reckless display of foul, literate agit-prop but I also hope you've had a laugh or two at the expense of my mortal enemies. After all, what better way to strip the powerful of there power then by exposing them for the sick jokes they really are and if your pissed that your favorite piece of shit to hate didn't make the cut, buck up and be patient. I'll get them next time around. This isn't my first shit list and it sure as fuck wont be my last.

Stay angry, dearest motherfuckers, stay angry.

P.S. If there really are any government spooks out there, reading this, calm the fuck down. A shit list isn't a hit list. Unlike you cowards, I don't believe in premeditated violence. That's your game (Waco anybody?). My blog is my weapon.

P.P.S. As long as where on the lingering subject of violence, I might as well clear the air on my support for the Kurdistan Worker's Party. While I strongly support the PKK's cause, I do not support all of there tactics. I do not condone violence against civilians for any reason and even though these acts only represent the misguided rage of a rogue minority within the group, it is the responsibility of the supporters of revolution, first and foremost, to decry such callous and counter revolutionary acts, otherwise nothing separates us from the tyrants we fight. With that being said, I steadfastly stand by my support for the PKK and the YPG for the same reason I stand by my support for the rebels of Novorossiya, because there the only force standing between there people and whole sale slaughter.

P.P.P.S. Just fucking with you, that's it, thanks for reading.

Godspeed Jon Stewart

One of the main reasons I started writing this blog was to cover the stories the mainstream ignores. To buck the system, slaughter the sacred cows and by all means avoid jumping on the meandering bandwagons of the zeitgeist but this week I'm compelled to join the masses, whom I usually despise, to bid farewell to a dear old friend who's spent the last 17 years giving my TV set meaning. I talk of coarse of Jon Stewart.

By and large, people, most people, are like sheep. They dutifully do as there told by there corporate masters. They listen to the music there told to listen to. They read the books there told to read, that is if they read at all and they watch the movies and TV shows there told to watch and are somehow content with this banal existence, leaving the rest of us in the minority to tinker angrily and occasionally gleefully in the grimy expanse of the underground with our tattered rags and tinfoil hats and alone we dance, naked and free in the shelter of the subcultures we foster in the shadows of the herd.

But once, every so often, something truly amazing happens. Something or someone springs forth from the shadows of the underground into the mainstream and creates an unbreakable bridge between these two worlds. Something so undeniably brilliant that even the sheep take notice and join our dance, leaving there crooked shepherds powerless to stop it.

This happened in 1991, when Nirvana released Nevermind. It didn't matter if you were a punk or a jock, a queer or a breeder, if you were alive at that point or after, you bought that album. You bought the ticket and took the ride and together we were heavy. That unifying A-HA! moment doesn't come very often but when it does its beautiful. My generations greatest A-HA! moment was discovering The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It didn't matter if you were political or apathetic or liberal or conservative or even a bitter Anarxist like myself. We all came together to buy that ticket and take the ride and what a fucking ride it was. It makes that childish part of your soul wish it never had to end but all truly beautiful, heavy things must come to an end.

As I wright this, its been less then 72 hours since the last episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart aired and it still doesn't feel fucking real. Please pinch me Jesus, I don't want to be awake. It had everything we have come to expect from The Daily Show, including appearances from all of the unfathomably brilliant comedic talent to pass through that studio, my personal favorites being master rantologist and obvious influence Lewis Black and real life Jewish manic pixie dream girl Kristen Schaal, as well as cameos from countless political superstars, most of whom I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. There was one last, spotless Goodfellas parody featuring Marty Scorsese himself, threatening litigation and one final Quixotic call for sanity from the man we have all come to know and love. All topped off with a performance from Stewart favorite, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band who, naturally, I usually hate but in the heat of the moment, nearly brought me to tears. Oh hell, who the fuck am I kidding, I was balling like a bitch, we all were and just like that it was over.

If your not from my generation then you cant possibly comprehend how much this half hour TV show meant to us. We didn't have a Dan Rather or Walter Cronkite to bring some sense of sanity to our chaotic universe. We were left with nothing but a circus of barking thieves and liars, with there own twisted agendas, to turn to and we had Jon Stewart, a snarky veteran of the 90's alt comedy scene, who was the one man we could rely on to tell us the fucking truth but for me he was something more then that.

During my darkest days of despair and depression, when it seemed like the whole ugly world was burning down at my feet, when everything felt utterly hopeless and I had nothing, I had the comfort of knowing Jon Stewart would be waiting for me at the end of the day, like a light at the end of a dark, dismal tunnel to bring some sense of justice to this rancid place.

I didn't always agree with Jon. Like most people, he occasionally pissed me off, mostly because he refused to pistol whip Henry Kissinger, something high on my bucket list, but by and large, with the sole exception of Democracy Now's Amy Goodman, his was the one voice I could trust to set the record straight. A Gen-X cult hero, weened on a steady diet of Eugene Debs, Lenny Bruce and punk shows at City Gardens, Jon never seemed like a mainstream celebrity, he was one of us, only better. Always more of a bull shitting left wing populist then a liberal, Stewart wasn't afraid to dish it out to both ends of the paradigm, whether he was calling out the Republicans for being bloodthirsty, hate-mongers or the Democrats for being lying, glad handing, pussies. Stewart was always ruthless and hilarious.

While generally cordial to his guests, regardless of how disgusting they were, Jon was also given to mercilessly thrashing untouchable creeps like crooked, hedge fund rodeo clown, Jim Cramer and unrepentant, war cheerleader Judith Miller ( which made my fucking year ). Best of all, he never thought twice about furiously caning the ass-hats of cable news. Once again, his hilariously spot on impressions of race bating, neo-McCarthyist, shock jock, Glenn Beck, made my fucking year. Jon Stewart was the anti-news anchor.

But there is only so much shit one man can wade through before drowning in filth. So, much like fellow silver haired, progressive ass whooper, Ralph Nader, Jon Stewart grew tired of the endless struggle to save a people content with there fecal graves and finally threw in the towel, so he could spend more time with his family ( who he's told are wonderful people ) and he's more than fucking earned it. As much as it pains me to see another truth crusader lay down the sword, no one deserves to ride off into the Jersey sunset more then Jon Stewart and no one will ever be able to fill that void he's left behind that desk, certainly not that South African frat-bro dip-shit the network's dumped on us, and maybe no one should.

So godspeed Jon Stewart and thank you, from the bottom of my bitter, jaded, Anarxist heart for keeping the light on for us. We'll do our damnedest to return the favor.