Well dearest motherfuckers, socialism is back and it only took about a century, or at least so it appears. Nearly half the country has polled as being down with Debs. In spite of the worst efforts of his party's trenchant neoliberal leadership, Bernie Sanders, who splays his socialist ID loud and proud, is now the undeniable frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic Primaries and even his moderate competition are aping his modus operandi. For the first time in ever, formerly far left positions like single-payer and free tuition have become so mainstream that they're downright boring. Even beyond America's official "left-wing" party, the socialist renaissance is in full bloom. At over 50,000 members, the once flimsy Democratic Socialists of America is now the largest American socialist organization since the height of the Labor Movement. More young people self-identify as proud socialists than ever before. So why the fuck am I so bummed?
Like America, my own relationship with socialism is a long and complicated one. A big part of the reason for our country's conflicted relationship with the S word has to do with the fact that it's loaded like a shotgun. This is why, while some 40 something percent of Americans are horny for socialism, another 50 something still find the word itself to be utterly terrifying. The reality is, if you really break it down, socialism is just some system of governance which affords some form of social ownership over the means of production. Democrats and Republicans alike have almost always supported some variant of socialist policy when it suits them. I myself follow a decidedly purist strain of this philosophy often referred to as libertarian socialism.
While in the past I've danced with the devil of full-tilt Bolshevism and I continue to stubbornly defend the legacy of Third World state socialists like Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro, I've come to the hard fought conclusion that the only way for truly empowered social ownership of basic human rights like healthcare and education to exist is for it to be wholly decentralized, voluntary and operated from the bottom up. The idea of Bernie's Medicare for All just sounds like swapping masters to me, from corporate bag munchers to federal bag munchers. I'm already experiencing Medicare for Some as a legally disabled agoraphobic and let me tell you, there is exactly nothing empowering about it. I feel like shit being barely strung along by the very same folks who brought us Waco, Ludlow and My Lai, and that brings me to the biggest bug I have up my ass about millennial socialism.
While America's last great socialist era was defined by diehard peaceniks like Eugene Debs and Norman Thomas, socialism 2.0 seems to have little to no room for the leftist cornerstone that brought me to socialism in the first place, Anti-Imperialism. Oh sure, Bernie pays lip-service to broad notions of peace, love and understanding, but the most left-wing class in modern Democratic Primary history can't seem to be bothered to give a fuck about war for longer than two debate questions and a soundbite. Tulsi Gabbard, the only candidate who dared to make the issue a priority, has been run off the reservation like a feral goat.
When you dig deeper into this phenomena, things only get more sinister. Bernie Sanders has strongly endorsed every massacre ever thrown by a member of his surrogate party, including downright genocidal ones like Clinton's baby-killing sanctions regime in Iraq. In fact, the Democrats new found infatuation with seemingly radical leftist state programs like the Green New Deal has coincided ominously with a wave of open liberal imperialism defined by the Russophobic New Cold War of militarist creep-a-zoids like Adam Schiff. Turn on MSDNC and you'll hear an earful of pro-war cheerleading that is eerily reminiscent of Bush-era Fox News. So what the fucking is going on here?
We've seen this specific perversion of leftism before, dearest motherfuckers, and it ain't got dick to do with Debs. It's a sick cousin of Bernie's other roll models, FDR and LBJ. A form of pro-war socialism that essentially amounts to blood and butter payola. In times of extreme upheaval like the Great Depression and the radical end of the Civil Rights Era, members of America's elite parties and institutions have often conceded to light-weight genres of social democracy as a matter of staving off more revolutionary socialist impulses. The New Deal and the Great Society weren't fantastic advancements in workers rights. They were top-down mechanisms designed to pay off the reasonably pissed proletariat to clear the fucking streets while our version of the left nuked Hiroshima and gassed Indochina. It's fucking hush money and it worked. The mighty Labor Movement which earned us weekends and the 24-hour work week was affectively assimilated into the federal beast by FDR, and LBJ managed to castrate the Black Power Movement with welfare checks just when militants were taking whole cities back from the pigs in post-MLK urban meltdowns. And here comes Uncle Bernie with a pocket full of hard candy.
Don't fucking fall for it, dearest motherfuckers. Like any political science, there are many schools of socialism and not all of them are benevolent. Any form of socialism which doesn't put anti-imperialism front and center can best be described as a variant of national socialism. One that fattens up the proletariat on the spoils of conquest. I don't know about you kiddies, but that is not what I signed up for.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Lover, You Should've Come Over by Jeff Buckley
* In Bloom by Nirvana
* White Riot by the Clash
* The Underside of Power by Algiers
* California Uber Alles by Dead Kennedys
* Candy Sam by Ty Segall
* 1969 by the Stooges
* Camouflage by the Front Bottoms
* Pretend That We're Dead by L7
* The Walker by Christine & the Queens
* (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding by Elvis Costello
Sunday, February 23, 2020
Sunday, February 16, 2020
Hillary, Donald & Bernie: Three Who Would Make a Catastrophe
America is a country that both loves and hates its conspiracy theories. On the one hand, our popular culture is lousy with them, from cinema to the president's goddamn Twitter account. On the other hand, we host an academic elite which not only views such cultural trends with disdain, but seems to see our history, their history, the "official story", as some kind of irrefutable biblical fact. Few people make the connection between these parallel trends, the likelihood that the overly presumptuous and at times downright jingoistic orthodoxy of our ivory tower elites is precisely what drives pedestrian America to search for alternatives to their "truth". That old adage, consider the source. The reality is that history in and of itself is not black and white science. At its most accurate it is a collection of narratives, different perspectives from the ground floor that could easily be described as conspiracy theories. What appears to be a conspiracy theory from Arlington or Manhattan, looks a lot more like bad memories from Hiroshima or Tuskegee. Any true revisionist historian must become a collector of conspiracy theories, viewing all available narratives with a healthy grain of salt.
Few modern historical phenomena have created a greater volume of conspiracy theories than the 2016 Presidential Election, a downright cataclysmic event that the entire nation is still reeling from, even as we approach the next election in 2020. 2016 didn't just shake the unwashed proletariat, it shook our intellectual bourgeoisie to its very core. As the 2020 Primaries grind away, they, more than any others seem to be grasping blindly for answers. How can an insider's insider with such impeccable credentials like Hillary Clinton fall so devastatingly short to an irate babbling imbecile from the tabloid gutter of the 1%? They still haven't figured it out and they know it, and they know that victory will elude them until they do. So what did happen in 2016? Lets take a second look at the crime scene through the lens of three conspiracy theories. The first two, my own, and the last one, the product of our sacred elites, all admittedly equally presumptuous.
Hillary Clinton, regardless of how you feel about her vapid moral integrity, is a stone cold player, a sort of post-feminist supervillain. She accepted at a young age that if she was going to achieve the level of power she sought, she was going to have to game the system. So she married a dope-smoking hayseed with a fraction of her intellect and micromanaged his political career to put herself in the White House. Even as First Lady, Hillary clearly ran the show. She played Dick Cheney to Bill's Dubya, pushing an agenda of international hegemony while silencing the women her silver-tongued hubby groped.
But Hillary was not content to remain behind the curtain. She thirsted to become Oz in both title and reality. So she parlayed this twisted open marriage into a career in the Senate and then a go at the Oval Office. But Hillary had a problem, a major one that many elites share. She was almost pathologically unelectable. She was a master ventriloquist, but without a dummy to play, the public could smell her rank sociopathy from a mile away. In 2008, she suffered a humiliating defeat to a first term senator, a sweet talking minority, no less. If she was going to achieve her goal of becoming the First War Criminal with interior genitalia she would have to get crafty. She would need two ventriloquist dummies this time, not just one. She would need two conspiracies. The kind of soft power manipulations she mastered meddling in other countries affairs.
The first was Bernie Sanders, who already made a career of pulling off the impressive feat of playing two seemingly diametrically apposed rolls at once, the wild eyed socialist idealist that got him elected in bucolic Vermont, and the consummate party loyalist that kept him elected in Washington. He was perfect. From day one of the primary campaign, Bernie sent all the right signals high and clear that he was running to lose. He spoke at great length of reinvigorating the Democratic Party and a revolution that didn't weigh victory with his nomination. He handed the first debates to Hillary on a silken pillow with his declaration that "We are sick of hearing about your damn emails!" as she laughed mincingly, while "we" most certainly were not sick of learning the goddamn truth. In a single off-the-cuff comment, Bernie rendered Hillary's most recent act of Beltway corruption a moot point. Meanwhile, he gathered the disaffected wayward leftists who had already chosen a lesser evil over Hillary once and groomed them to view the party of neoliberal austerity as somehow revolutionary, while refusing to take so much as a swipe at his opponent. But one conspiracy wasn't enough, not this time around. Hillary needed one more dummy to guarantee she wouldn't suffer a repeat of 2008.
Donald Trump had been idly threatening to run for president for nearly two decades. It had become a cornerstone of his whole sideshow, along with a dizzy cocktail of corporate welfare and reality TV. But he had never seen it fit to actually waste his time and energy on an actual campaign. Not until 2016. Whatever could have changed the Donald's mind? His little game of presidential footsy had garnered him all the rewards of a real presidential run, but none of the headaches. Something drove this bit player to take a leading roll in 2016. Is it really so far fetched to consider the possibility that some savvy media tycoon like Haim Saban in the orbit of Trump's old friends the Clintons could have convinced him that this time actually taking the plunge could earn him even richer rewards?
Bafflingly, Trump launched his strange campaign by diving head first into an issue that was far more of a sour point for Democrats than it was for the GOP in 2015. Before Donald descended those golden escalators to infamy, no one with any heft on the right was even talking about tightening immigration laws. Quite the contrary, after two dismal presidential campaigns in a row, the GOP was openly playing with the notion of doing the unthinkable and reaching out to minorities, Buckley be damned. The Democrats were the ones busy trying to reverse the damage done to the long neglected but increasingly pivotal Latino vote by Obama's record shattering deportation regime, handing out tokens like DACA like fun-size candy bars on Halloween.
Then the Donald took to the airwaves, proclaiming immigrants to be killers and rapists, and calling for the construction of a flaming border moat complete with landmines and crocodiles. He seemed like a gift from hell to the Hillary Campaign and for a while he was. Clinton's devoted allies on CNN and MSNBC gave Trump's race-baiting horror show 24/7 coverage, while "serious" GOP contenders were treated like disposable tarts on the Bachelor. It was so perfect, how could it possibly go wrong? The leftist youth vote that had long eluded Hillary was being corralled and pacified by Bernie the grateful loser, while Donald Trump alienated Latinos by turning the GOP into an episode of Jerry Springer. It was the perfect soft power play. But like all of Hillary's experiments with regime change, from Libya to Ukraine, this one too would blow up in her fucking face with the force of a thousand Benghazi's. It turns out that the only bitch bigger than Hillary is blowback.
In spite of all his limp-wristed bromides to party unity, Bernie's revolution grew revolutionary. It turns out that the left didn't just distrust Hillary, they despised her, and in an election that was packaged to them as a forgone conclusion by the same pricks who helped Hillary sell them on the Iraq War, even a charismatic cripple like Bernie was ripe to warp into a cult of personality. Bernie was about as dangerous as unscented Lubriderm, but he came to symbolize something obscenely radical. He came to symbolize upheaval. And so Hillary found herself married to the task of sabotaging her own puppet's primaries, while the upheaval on the right that her backers fostered with round the clock coverage became equally unruly. What had started as a sort of blue collar shock comedy tour with the Donald stocking the stage like a dayglow Andrew Dice Clay, taking swipes at every sacred cow from cripples to POW's, had tapped into something primal. In spite of all the blatant race baiting, at its core, the Trump jihad was essentially an elder cousin of the Bernie revolution. People had become so disgusted by the daily corruption of the status quo that they were willing to vote for a human Molotov cocktail just to burn that fucker down. This shit was out of control. Hillary needed one more conspiracy to tame it.
What she came up with is the only theory here to become a part of the official American intellectual canon, in spite of the fact that it's far more convoluted than the theories I propagated above. I speak, of coarse, of Russiagate. A gigantic Byzantine-esque plot to deny Hillary her rightful place in power with a twelve-dimensional campaign of trolls, proxies, pop-ups, honeypots, hacks and other sundry ballyhoo, all orchestrated directly by the evil Vladimir Putin like a cat-stroking Bond villain. It all seemed like idle nonsense from a woman adept in the artform until the unthinkable happened, a racist reality television circus clown won the fucking White House. That's when the Russiagate hoax grew fangs. It was given unblinking verification by Hillary's allies in the media and the intelligence community without offering so much as a crumb of verifiable proof. And just like that, a conspiracy theory becomes history and this entire piece becomes "fake news" for questioning its logic.
So it's 2020, dearest motherfuckers, and what have we learned? Well I don't know about you but the Democrats haven't appeared to learn a goddamn thing. With Hillary's 2016 contemporaries, Trump and Bernie, launching campaigns that they actually intend to win for once, the DNC is still lost in the Russophobic spy thriller that they seem to have legitimately forgotten they forged, all while once again pimping another pathologically unelectable Washington dinosaur that everyone clearly hates as the hero of their story. These imbeciles appear to have every intention of repeating their 2016 tricks to put Biden or, god forbid, Bloomberg in the nomination, which will only accomplish another seemingly impossible catastrophe that they'll no doubt blame on god knows who. Putin? Assad? Tulsi? Santa? Anyone but the only people who can possibly make Trump a two term president, themselves.
I may very well be a conspiracy nut, dearest motherfuckers. Guilty as charged. But I pale in comparison to my own fucking government and at least I can admit I don't have all the answers. The truth really is out there. In more ways than one. Keep digging and you might just find it.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack: songs that influenced this post
* Just by Radiohead
* Radio Free Europe by REM
* Freak On a Leash by Korn
* Toyota Man by Neon Indian
* Margin Walker by Fugazi
* Walking Backwards by Throwing Muses
* Rangerover by Porches
* Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
* Suspect Device by Stiff Little Fingers
* Monkeywrench by Foo Fighters
Few modern historical phenomena have created a greater volume of conspiracy theories than the 2016 Presidential Election, a downright cataclysmic event that the entire nation is still reeling from, even as we approach the next election in 2020. 2016 didn't just shake the unwashed proletariat, it shook our intellectual bourgeoisie to its very core. As the 2020 Primaries grind away, they, more than any others seem to be grasping blindly for answers. How can an insider's insider with such impeccable credentials like Hillary Clinton fall so devastatingly short to an irate babbling imbecile from the tabloid gutter of the 1%? They still haven't figured it out and they know it, and they know that victory will elude them until they do. So what did happen in 2016? Lets take a second look at the crime scene through the lens of three conspiracy theories. The first two, my own, and the last one, the product of our sacred elites, all admittedly equally presumptuous.
Hillary Clinton, regardless of how you feel about her vapid moral integrity, is a stone cold player, a sort of post-feminist supervillain. She accepted at a young age that if she was going to achieve the level of power she sought, she was going to have to game the system. So she married a dope-smoking hayseed with a fraction of her intellect and micromanaged his political career to put herself in the White House. Even as First Lady, Hillary clearly ran the show. She played Dick Cheney to Bill's Dubya, pushing an agenda of international hegemony while silencing the women her silver-tongued hubby groped.
But Hillary was not content to remain behind the curtain. She thirsted to become Oz in both title and reality. So she parlayed this twisted open marriage into a career in the Senate and then a go at the Oval Office. But Hillary had a problem, a major one that many elites share. She was almost pathologically unelectable. She was a master ventriloquist, but without a dummy to play, the public could smell her rank sociopathy from a mile away. In 2008, she suffered a humiliating defeat to a first term senator, a sweet talking minority, no less. If she was going to achieve her goal of becoming the First War Criminal with interior genitalia she would have to get crafty. She would need two ventriloquist dummies this time, not just one. She would need two conspiracies. The kind of soft power manipulations she mastered meddling in other countries affairs.
The first was Bernie Sanders, who already made a career of pulling off the impressive feat of playing two seemingly diametrically apposed rolls at once, the wild eyed socialist idealist that got him elected in bucolic Vermont, and the consummate party loyalist that kept him elected in Washington. He was perfect. From day one of the primary campaign, Bernie sent all the right signals high and clear that he was running to lose. He spoke at great length of reinvigorating the Democratic Party and a revolution that didn't weigh victory with his nomination. He handed the first debates to Hillary on a silken pillow with his declaration that "We are sick of hearing about your damn emails!" as she laughed mincingly, while "we" most certainly were not sick of learning the goddamn truth. In a single off-the-cuff comment, Bernie rendered Hillary's most recent act of Beltway corruption a moot point. Meanwhile, he gathered the disaffected wayward leftists who had already chosen a lesser evil over Hillary once and groomed them to view the party of neoliberal austerity as somehow revolutionary, while refusing to take so much as a swipe at his opponent. But one conspiracy wasn't enough, not this time around. Hillary needed one more dummy to guarantee she wouldn't suffer a repeat of 2008.
Donald Trump had been idly threatening to run for president for nearly two decades. It had become a cornerstone of his whole sideshow, along with a dizzy cocktail of corporate welfare and reality TV. But he had never seen it fit to actually waste his time and energy on an actual campaign. Not until 2016. Whatever could have changed the Donald's mind? His little game of presidential footsy had garnered him all the rewards of a real presidential run, but none of the headaches. Something drove this bit player to take a leading roll in 2016. Is it really so far fetched to consider the possibility that some savvy media tycoon like Haim Saban in the orbit of Trump's old friends the Clintons could have convinced him that this time actually taking the plunge could earn him even richer rewards?
Bafflingly, Trump launched his strange campaign by diving head first into an issue that was far more of a sour point for Democrats than it was for the GOP in 2015. Before Donald descended those golden escalators to infamy, no one with any heft on the right was even talking about tightening immigration laws. Quite the contrary, after two dismal presidential campaigns in a row, the GOP was openly playing with the notion of doing the unthinkable and reaching out to minorities, Buckley be damned. The Democrats were the ones busy trying to reverse the damage done to the long neglected but increasingly pivotal Latino vote by Obama's record shattering deportation regime, handing out tokens like DACA like fun-size candy bars on Halloween.
Then the Donald took to the airwaves, proclaiming immigrants to be killers and rapists, and calling for the construction of a flaming border moat complete with landmines and crocodiles. He seemed like a gift from hell to the Hillary Campaign and for a while he was. Clinton's devoted allies on CNN and MSNBC gave Trump's race-baiting horror show 24/7 coverage, while "serious" GOP contenders were treated like disposable tarts on the Bachelor. It was so perfect, how could it possibly go wrong? The leftist youth vote that had long eluded Hillary was being corralled and pacified by Bernie the grateful loser, while Donald Trump alienated Latinos by turning the GOP into an episode of Jerry Springer. It was the perfect soft power play. But like all of Hillary's experiments with regime change, from Libya to Ukraine, this one too would blow up in her fucking face with the force of a thousand Benghazi's. It turns out that the only bitch bigger than Hillary is blowback.
In spite of all his limp-wristed bromides to party unity, Bernie's revolution grew revolutionary. It turns out that the left didn't just distrust Hillary, they despised her, and in an election that was packaged to them as a forgone conclusion by the same pricks who helped Hillary sell them on the Iraq War, even a charismatic cripple like Bernie was ripe to warp into a cult of personality. Bernie was about as dangerous as unscented Lubriderm, but he came to symbolize something obscenely radical. He came to symbolize upheaval. And so Hillary found herself married to the task of sabotaging her own puppet's primaries, while the upheaval on the right that her backers fostered with round the clock coverage became equally unruly. What had started as a sort of blue collar shock comedy tour with the Donald stocking the stage like a dayglow Andrew Dice Clay, taking swipes at every sacred cow from cripples to POW's, had tapped into something primal. In spite of all the blatant race baiting, at its core, the Trump jihad was essentially an elder cousin of the Bernie revolution. People had become so disgusted by the daily corruption of the status quo that they were willing to vote for a human Molotov cocktail just to burn that fucker down. This shit was out of control. Hillary needed one more conspiracy to tame it.
What she came up with is the only theory here to become a part of the official American intellectual canon, in spite of the fact that it's far more convoluted than the theories I propagated above. I speak, of coarse, of Russiagate. A gigantic Byzantine-esque plot to deny Hillary her rightful place in power with a twelve-dimensional campaign of trolls, proxies, pop-ups, honeypots, hacks and other sundry ballyhoo, all orchestrated directly by the evil Vladimir Putin like a cat-stroking Bond villain. It all seemed like idle nonsense from a woman adept in the artform until the unthinkable happened, a racist reality television circus clown won the fucking White House. That's when the Russiagate hoax grew fangs. It was given unblinking verification by Hillary's allies in the media and the intelligence community without offering so much as a crumb of verifiable proof. And just like that, a conspiracy theory becomes history and this entire piece becomes "fake news" for questioning its logic.
So it's 2020, dearest motherfuckers, and what have we learned? Well I don't know about you but the Democrats haven't appeared to learn a goddamn thing. With Hillary's 2016 contemporaries, Trump and Bernie, launching campaigns that they actually intend to win for once, the DNC is still lost in the Russophobic spy thriller that they seem to have legitimately forgotten they forged, all while once again pimping another pathologically unelectable Washington dinosaur that everyone clearly hates as the hero of their story. These imbeciles appear to have every intention of repeating their 2016 tricks to put Biden or, god forbid, Bloomberg in the nomination, which will only accomplish another seemingly impossible catastrophe that they'll no doubt blame on god knows who. Putin? Assad? Tulsi? Santa? Anyone but the only people who can possibly make Trump a two term president, themselves.
I may very well be a conspiracy nut, dearest motherfuckers. Guilty as charged. But I pale in comparison to my own fucking government and at least I can admit I don't have all the answers. The truth really is out there. In more ways than one. Keep digging and you might just find it.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack: songs that influenced this post
* Just by Radiohead
* Radio Free Europe by REM
* Freak On a Leash by Korn
* Toyota Man by Neon Indian
* Margin Walker by Fugazi
* Walking Backwards by Throwing Muses
* Rangerover by Porches
* Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
* Suspect Device by Stiff Little Fingers
* Monkeywrench by Foo Fighters
Sunday, February 9, 2020
A Vote for Mayor Pete is a Vote for Assimilation
Once again, dearest motherfuckers, I feel obligated to reprise my roll as 'that bitch.' Do I really have to be the queer bummer who smashes the Buttigieg delusion? Are all the other faggot anarchists busy? Oh well, fuck it. Hand me my hammer and I'll do what I do best, which seems to be pissing off other queer people by interrupting their increasingly statist pride parades with the stone cold inconvenience of reality. I'm really sorry darlings, but its time for some tough love. This hurts me more than it hurts you but hopefully it hurts Mayor Pete the most. Because a vote for Mayor Pete may be a vote for the first gay president, but it's also a vote for assimilation. So, here we go.
I can pretty much sum up every Mayor Pete rally in a single synopsis. The queer wonder-boy takes to the stage looking like a barely pubescent Millhouse duded up for prom. He rolls up his sleeves and drifts into a listless barrage of centrist unity bromides and wishy-washy hopelandic vagaries that sound like twice nuked leftovers from Obama's 2008 campaign. Just as his predominantly white, elderly, straight and middle class audience begins to drift mercifully into slumber, Pete wakes them with the only two cards he has left in his deck; "Oh, did I mention I killed brown people in Afghanistan and I take it up the ass..." A wave of oohs and awes brings the geriatric breeders back to life like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. A round of applause breaks out and Mayor Pete appears to be relieved. "A gay who kills Muslims? How novel!" "He speaks so well for one of them!"
Around the country, queer kids are getting emails and Facebook pokes from their grandparents, congratulating us collectively for producing a viable presidential candidate. We must be so proud. Maybe you are but I'm not. I wouldn't even want a legit queer occupying that glorified porta shitter called the Oval Office, much less one who appears to have been raised by neoliberal wolves. Pete Buttigieg may be gay but he is not one of us. Pete is more vanilla than most heterosexuals. He's the kind of queer you bring home to mom instead of your black-bear boyfriend to make your rejection of her suburban values more palatable. He's the kind of queer who tops just so he doesn't ruin the good linens. He's the kind of queer who nags his boyfriend into a church marriage and a couple of adopted Guatemalans just so he has something to brag about to his soccer-mom bitch sister in the annual Christmas letter. He's the kind of queer who has one trans friend just so he can tell his Lincoln Republican friends that he has one trans friend. He's the kind of queer who really isn't that queer at all. He prefers LGBTQ. He's the new queer; domesticated, neat, house broken, a novel wonder of modern western civilization. "But he's a sign of progressive inclusion, so what are you bitching about?"
I'm bitching because he's also the kind of queer who has spent the better half of his young career stumping for Wall Street, the war machine and the police state. You see, dearest motherfuckers, inclusion is a dirty word in the ears of queers like me because it means watching my tribe being appropriated into the very system our identity was built on standing against. Being queer isn't about genitalia and pronouns and it sure as fuck ain't about marriage, military duty and hate crime laws. It's about being biologically designed to appose the oppressive puritanical status quo. We were "everybody else" once. Every tribe had venerated spaces for sexual and gender outlaws once upon a time. But then the normies found Jesus and kicked us to the closet. We held tight to our heathen ways in the shadows. We survived a plague that brought us to the brink of extinction while wealthy breeders sat safe and pretty in their fucking wine caves. Now they've decided that we make hip tokens for their globalist agenda and they want us back at the cool table in Washington as long as we don't bum them out with our body count. I say fuck you. And fuck traders like Mayor Pete for selling our cultural cache to the highest bidder. The only word uglier than inclusion is assimilation because assimilation means genocide.
I don't want to be like everybody else. I don't want the state's hollow constellation prize of equality. I don't want to be LGBTQ. I want to be queer. Being queer means creating our own genders beyond the fascist jurisdiction of the census. Being queer means building our own families, a mommy dom drag king with 2 1/2 littles and a pet gimp out back. Being queer means abolishing the prison system which continues to thrive on our suffering. And, perhaps most importantly, being queer means standing strong in solidarity as a stateless Third World nation unto ourselves with our brothers, sisters and others fighting the very empire that tried to erase us before asking us back for brunch. Shiites and Palestinians may not be our biggest fans but in the states eyes, they're faggots too, so we owe it to ourselves to make their fight our fight.
I'm that kind of queer, dearest motherfuckers. The kind that would sooner die than be caught voting for an assimilationist Uncle Twink like Pete fucking Buttigieg. Stone me for my sins but let the record get them straight. The road to queer liberation is pathed by anarchy, not the state.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post
* Oh You Pretty Things by David Bowie
* Grace Kelly by Mika
* Androgynous by the Replacements
* Polyaneurism by Of Montreal
* Trash by New York Dolls
* Killer Queen by Queen
* Hood by Perfume Genius
* Cop Car by Mitski
* Bags by Clairo
* Free to Decide by the Cranberries
I can pretty much sum up every Mayor Pete rally in a single synopsis. The queer wonder-boy takes to the stage looking like a barely pubescent Millhouse duded up for prom. He rolls up his sleeves and drifts into a listless barrage of centrist unity bromides and wishy-washy hopelandic vagaries that sound like twice nuked leftovers from Obama's 2008 campaign. Just as his predominantly white, elderly, straight and middle class audience begins to drift mercifully into slumber, Pete wakes them with the only two cards he has left in his deck; "Oh, did I mention I killed brown people in Afghanistan and I take it up the ass..." A wave of oohs and awes brings the geriatric breeders back to life like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. A round of applause breaks out and Mayor Pete appears to be relieved. "A gay who kills Muslims? How novel!" "He speaks so well for one of them!"
Around the country, queer kids are getting emails and Facebook pokes from their grandparents, congratulating us collectively for producing a viable presidential candidate. We must be so proud. Maybe you are but I'm not. I wouldn't even want a legit queer occupying that glorified porta shitter called the Oval Office, much less one who appears to have been raised by neoliberal wolves. Pete Buttigieg may be gay but he is not one of us. Pete is more vanilla than most heterosexuals. He's the kind of queer you bring home to mom instead of your black-bear boyfriend to make your rejection of her suburban values more palatable. He's the kind of queer who tops just so he doesn't ruin the good linens. He's the kind of queer who nags his boyfriend into a church marriage and a couple of adopted Guatemalans just so he has something to brag about to his soccer-mom bitch sister in the annual Christmas letter. He's the kind of queer who has one trans friend just so he can tell his Lincoln Republican friends that he has one trans friend. He's the kind of queer who really isn't that queer at all. He prefers LGBTQ. He's the new queer; domesticated, neat, house broken, a novel wonder of modern western civilization. "But he's a sign of progressive inclusion, so what are you bitching about?"
I'm bitching because he's also the kind of queer who has spent the better half of his young career stumping for Wall Street, the war machine and the police state. You see, dearest motherfuckers, inclusion is a dirty word in the ears of queers like me because it means watching my tribe being appropriated into the very system our identity was built on standing against. Being queer isn't about genitalia and pronouns and it sure as fuck ain't about marriage, military duty and hate crime laws. It's about being biologically designed to appose the oppressive puritanical status quo. We were "everybody else" once. Every tribe had venerated spaces for sexual and gender outlaws once upon a time. But then the normies found Jesus and kicked us to the closet. We held tight to our heathen ways in the shadows. We survived a plague that brought us to the brink of extinction while wealthy breeders sat safe and pretty in their fucking wine caves. Now they've decided that we make hip tokens for their globalist agenda and they want us back at the cool table in Washington as long as we don't bum them out with our body count. I say fuck you. And fuck traders like Mayor Pete for selling our cultural cache to the highest bidder. The only word uglier than inclusion is assimilation because assimilation means genocide.
I don't want to be like everybody else. I don't want the state's hollow constellation prize of equality. I don't want to be LGBTQ. I want to be queer. Being queer means creating our own genders beyond the fascist jurisdiction of the census. Being queer means building our own families, a mommy dom drag king with 2 1/2 littles and a pet gimp out back. Being queer means abolishing the prison system which continues to thrive on our suffering. And, perhaps most importantly, being queer means standing strong in solidarity as a stateless Third World nation unto ourselves with our brothers, sisters and others fighting the very empire that tried to erase us before asking us back for brunch. Shiites and Palestinians may not be our biggest fans but in the states eyes, they're faggots too, so we owe it to ourselves to make their fight our fight.
I'm that kind of queer, dearest motherfuckers. The kind that would sooner die than be caught voting for an assimilationist Uncle Twink like Pete fucking Buttigieg. Stone me for my sins but let the record get them straight. The road to queer liberation is pathed by anarchy, not the state.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post
* Oh You Pretty Things by David Bowie
* Grace Kelly by Mika
* Androgynous by the Replacements
* Polyaneurism by Of Montreal
* Trash by New York Dolls
* Killer Queen by Queen
* Hood by Perfume Genius
* Cop Car by Mitski
* Bags by Clairo
* Free to Decide by the Cranberries
Sunday, February 2, 2020
99 Reasons to Impeach (But Ukrainegate Ain't One)
Urgh! Ma, do I have to write about impeachment again? Cant I just take the trash down to the curb instead? Yeah, that's right, dearest motherfuckers, its another goddamn impeachment piece, because apparently the thing about purgatory is that it's never fucking over. Just when you think you're about get paroled to the sweet hereafter, John Bolton writes a fucking book and you get another century added to your sentence. By the time it's through, you're begging for hell, anything to cut the fucking boredom. Hell is supposed to come this Wednesday but if the anticlimax of the Muller Report didn't end this circus, something nauseating tells me the Senate's partisan acquittal won't either. I usually enjoy writing. It gives me some sense of control over the downright hellish purgatory of day to day life in the prolapsed colon of a herniated empire. Its hard work but it's usually pretty rewarding. This impeachment shit, though, its like fucking math homework. It doesn't matter how necessary it is, it still feels fucking pointless.
Impeachment in general, like most of America's over-cherished pseudo-democratic rituals, is bullshit. Any political decision not made directly through popular referendum is little more than a bureaucratic reach around at best, not to mention, a waste of any true radicals precious time. But this endless fucking farce seems even worse than the usual who-porked-who in the Oval Office charade, at least to me. Ukrainegate essentially amounts to one scumbag withholding weapons of mass destruction from a neo-Nazi rump state until they release some dirt on another fucking scumbag. Who fucking cares?! Its not like I have any secret affection for Donald Trump. In fact, if the process were a touch more democratic and a bit less partisan, I'd love nothing better than to see his philandering ginger ass tossed to the fucking curb. But lets impeach the motherfucker for something right, not Adam Schiff's latest Russophobic Tom Clancy knock-off. I can probably think of at least 99 reasons to impeach Trump. Ukrainegate just ain't one.
How about Iran, where Trump unilaterally violated a UN sanctioned peace deal and then proceeded to punish the nation for our aggression? Impeach Trump for the totally illegal and immoral extrajudicial assassination of the region's most accomplished anti-terrorist, Qassem Soleimani, on a civilian tarmac without the consent of anybody. Or how about his blatant refusal to respect Iraq's sovereignty by obnoxiously defying their parliaments insistence that we leave, holding a whole nation hostage and using it like a human shield in a Mexican stand-off with an Islamic Republic that has gone out of its way to appease generations of our nation's downright irrational behavior?
Impeach Trump for America's ongoing campaign of economic terrorism which we refer to as sanctions, starving children and denying cancer patients access to life-saving treatment, not just in Iran, but Russia, Venezuela, Sudan, Eritrea, Belarus, Burma, The Ivory Coast, Cuba, The Congo, Zimbabwe, The Balkans, and perhaps most heinously in North Korea, our president's favorite peace summit photo-op, where millions have starved and will continue to starve while the Donald strings them along with heartfelt love letters. Impeach Trump for threatening to return Iraq to this same grade of enforced poverty unless they defy the will of their own people. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor democracy sounds like it should be impeachable to me.
As should be the seemingly ceaseless extra-judicial drone strikes that murder grossly disproportionate amounts of women and children in Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and Christ knows where else, which Trump has moved to make increasingly untraceable. Impeach Trump for illegally occupying Syria, serving up the Kurds to Erdogan like a fucking pudding and blatantly occupying and cutting off the nation's oil supply to further undermine and destabilize the rightful regime of Bashar al-Assad. Impeach Trump for running Navy Seal/black-ops death squads in 149 countries and counting, putting America first by slaughtering civilians and training fellow terrorists to do the same across the globe, from Colombia to Indonesia, and everywhere in between.
Impeach Trump for bombing Damascus without congressional approval, based on totally bogus chemical weapons attacks. Impeach Trump for continuing our endless occupation of Afghanistan, even after papers leaked from our own government have surfaced proving any mission there to be totally futile. Impeach Trump for openly undermining democracy in Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia, successfully in the later, replacing one of the planet's last descent world leaders with a despotic, stark-raving, racist conquistador that would give the Donald a run for his money. Impeach Trump for propping up some of the worlds rankest dictators with guns and treasure, from Mohammed bin Bonesaw in Saudi Arabia to those Banderist scumfucks in Kiev that Adam Schiff can't seem to give enough deadly playthings to. And for the love of Christ, Mohammed, Gaia and Kali, impeach that remorseless motherfucker for having little Nora al-Awlaki, an 8 year old American citizen, shot in the fucking throat with a couple dozen of her family members on week one in the fucking White House. I was done with this beast before you #Resistance cocksuckers had even begun.
In short, impeach Donald J. Trump for repeatedly violating his promise to put America first like a 14 year old Epstein sex slave. Impeach this cunt for being an imperialist imposter. Dig up the corpse of Charles Lindbergh and bury the entire Trump Administration beneath the casket in his grave. Impeach him for colluding with Israel and Saudi Arabia and Lockheed Martin and basically everybody but Russia. Or just impeach this motherless prick for the war crimes he's committed right here on the border. For concentration camps, renditioned ranches, shattered families and murdered childhoods. For using the racist trope of 'Evil Islam' to ban refugees from predominantly Shia countries, while arming their bloodthirsty Salafi neighbors to the fucking teeth and inviting them to use our bases as shooting galleries.
But you won't see this, dearest motherfuckers. You won't hear a single Democrat call to impeach Trump for any of the legitimate crimes against humanity that we all know he's committed. And if you do you will see them rapidly silenced like Dennis Kucinich, Cynthia McKinney and Tulsi Gabbard. You'll see them ran through the mud and proclaimed Putinists, Alt-Rightists and conspiracy theorists by all the supposedly liberal media which has turned these impeachments into a sick national pastime. They won't impeach Trump for his true crimes because Trump's crimes are America's crimes. They didn't start with Orange-Man-Bad and they won't end their either. The Democrats won't impeach Trump for these crimes because they have every intention to keep committing them once he's gone. They built the camps and walls and wars, and they want them back in the hands of a more reliable psychopath.
Impeachment is a sick fucking joke, dearest motherfuckers. And I am sick upon death of covering it. I'll take down the trash and finish my long division tomorrow. I gotta lie down.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post
* 99 Problems by Jay-Z
* My Bodies Made of Crushed Little Stars by Mitski
* Hip Hop by Dead Prez
* Rockstar by Hole
* Paper Planes by MIA
* Head On by the Pixies
* Who We Be by DMX
* Rockin' in the Free World by Neil Young
* Cop Car by Mitski
* Unsatisfied by the Replacements
Impeachment in general, like most of America's over-cherished pseudo-democratic rituals, is bullshit. Any political decision not made directly through popular referendum is little more than a bureaucratic reach around at best, not to mention, a waste of any true radicals precious time. But this endless fucking farce seems even worse than the usual who-porked-who in the Oval Office charade, at least to me. Ukrainegate essentially amounts to one scumbag withholding weapons of mass destruction from a neo-Nazi rump state until they release some dirt on another fucking scumbag. Who fucking cares?! Its not like I have any secret affection for Donald Trump. In fact, if the process were a touch more democratic and a bit less partisan, I'd love nothing better than to see his philandering ginger ass tossed to the fucking curb. But lets impeach the motherfucker for something right, not Adam Schiff's latest Russophobic Tom Clancy knock-off. I can probably think of at least 99 reasons to impeach Trump. Ukrainegate just ain't one.
How about Iran, where Trump unilaterally violated a UN sanctioned peace deal and then proceeded to punish the nation for our aggression? Impeach Trump for the totally illegal and immoral extrajudicial assassination of the region's most accomplished anti-terrorist, Qassem Soleimani, on a civilian tarmac without the consent of anybody. Or how about his blatant refusal to respect Iraq's sovereignty by obnoxiously defying their parliaments insistence that we leave, holding a whole nation hostage and using it like a human shield in a Mexican stand-off with an Islamic Republic that has gone out of its way to appease generations of our nation's downright irrational behavior?
Impeach Trump for America's ongoing campaign of economic terrorism which we refer to as sanctions, starving children and denying cancer patients access to life-saving treatment, not just in Iran, but Russia, Venezuela, Sudan, Eritrea, Belarus, Burma, The Ivory Coast, Cuba, The Congo, Zimbabwe, The Balkans, and perhaps most heinously in North Korea, our president's favorite peace summit photo-op, where millions have starved and will continue to starve while the Donald strings them along with heartfelt love letters. Impeach Trump for threatening to return Iraq to this same grade of enforced poverty unless they defy the will of their own people. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor democracy sounds like it should be impeachable to me.
As should be the seemingly ceaseless extra-judicial drone strikes that murder grossly disproportionate amounts of women and children in Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and Christ knows where else, which Trump has moved to make increasingly untraceable. Impeach Trump for illegally occupying Syria, serving up the Kurds to Erdogan like a fucking pudding and blatantly occupying and cutting off the nation's oil supply to further undermine and destabilize the rightful regime of Bashar al-Assad. Impeach Trump for running Navy Seal/black-ops death squads in 149 countries and counting, putting America first by slaughtering civilians and training fellow terrorists to do the same across the globe, from Colombia to Indonesia, and everywhere in between.
Impeach Trump for bombing Damascus without congressional approval, based on totally bogus chemical weapons attacks. Impeach Trump for continuing our endless occupation of Afghanistan, even after papers leaked from our own government have surfaced proving any mission there to be totally futile. Impeach Trump for openly undermining democracy in Venezuela, Nicaragua and Bolivia, successfully in the later, replacing one of the planet's last descent world leaders with a despotic, stark-raving, racist conquistador that would give the Donald a run for his money. Impeach Trump for propping up some of the worlds rankest dictators with guns and treasure, from Mohammed bin Bonesaw in Saudi Arabia to those Banderist scumfucks in Kiev that Adam Schiff can't seem to give enough deadly playthings to. And for the love of Christ, Mohammed, Gaia and Kali, impeach that remorseless motherfucker for having little Nora al-Awlaki, an 8 year old American citizen, shot in the fucking throat with a couple dozen of her family members on week one in the fucking White House. I was done with this beast before you #Resistance cocksuckers had even begun.
In short, impeach Donald J. Trump for repeatedly violating his promise to put America first like a 14 year old Epstein sex slave. Impeach this cunt for being an imperialist imposter. Dig up the corpse of Charles Lindbergh and bury the entire Trump Administration beneath the casket in his grave. Impeach him for colluding with Israel and Saudi Arabia and Lockheed Martin and basically everybody but Russia. Or just impeach this motherless prick for the war crimes he's committed right here on the border. For concentration camps, renditioned ranches, shattered families and murdered childhoods. For using the racist trope of 'Evil Islam' to ban refugees from predominantly Shia countries, while arming their bloodthirsty Salafi neighbors to the fucking teeth and inviting them to use our bases as shooting galleries.
But you won't see this, dearest motherfuckers. You won't hear a single Democrat call to impeach Trump for any of the legitimate crimes against humanity that we all know he's committed. And if you do you will see them rapidly silenced like Dennis Kucinich, Cynthia McKinney and Tulsi Gabbard. You'll see them ran through the mud and proclaimed Putinists, Alt-Rightists and conspiracy theorists by all the supposedly liberal media which has turned these impeachments into a sick national pastime. They won't impeach Trump for his true crimes because Trump's crimes are America's crimes. They didn't start with Orange-Man-Bad and they won't end their either. The Democrats won't impeach Trump for these crimes because they have every intention to keep committing them once he's gone. They built the camps and walls and wars, and they want them back in the hands of a more reliable psychopath.
Impeachment is a sick fucking joke, dearest motherfuckers. And I am sick upon death of covering it. I'll take down the trash and finish my long division tomorrow. I gotta lie down.
Peace, Love & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post
* 99 Problems by Jay-Z
* My Bodies Made of Crushed Little Stars by Mitski
* Hip Hop by Dead Prez
* Rockstar by Hole
* Paper Planes by MIA
* Head On by the Pixies
* Who We Be by DMX
* Rockin' in the Free World by Neil Young
* Cop Car by Mitski
* Unsatisfied by the Replacements