Monday, October 15, 2018

My Shitlist 2018

This blog is a lot of things to me. It's art. It's therapy. It's a bullhorn from which I can shout my radical diktats to a small horde of loyal followers whom I lovingly refer to as my dearest motherfuckers. Hopefully it's a launching pad for a future revolution that will liberate poor people once and for all from the shackles of big government and big business (or do I repeat myself.) But when it all comes down to it, lets face it, I'm here to bitch. That's why once a year I drop all artistic and political pretenses and simply make a list of all the people who piss me off the most. I call it my shitlist and 2018 has provided me with no shortage of shit. Now if I put everyone that chaps my ass on this list it would be longer than fucking Gravity's Rainbow, so I'll just pick a handful in no specific order to roast like pigs on a spit. So here it is, dearest motherfuckers, My Shitlist 2018.

John McCain-  After a lifetime as America's most celebrated war monger, the one thing that John could do for the world, the only act of mercy that that rapacious murder junkie should have been capable of performing is to finally do us all a big goddamn favor and just fucking die already. But no, John McCain even has to die like a fucking dick. Over a week, a goddamn week of funerals and parades and tributes and memorials and animal sacrifices and imperial orgies, all of them carefully planned by that ego-drunken light bulb factory bomber, to celebrate his foul legacy of homicide advocacy like a goddamn pharaoh. By day five of this ordeal, I was screaming at the TV set "Just give me a goddamn shovel! I'll bury the cunt myself!!" All I have left to say to the first dead man to make this list is bon voyage you putrid butcher of civilians. Tell Satan that Armageddon's going great.

Pope Francis-  This crafty motherfucker snowed all of us, even me. With all his radical posturing on capitalism, gay rights, and Vatican reform, I thought maybe, just maybe, my ancestral church had finally began to get it's fucking shit together. No such luck. It turns out the Red Pope is all bark and no bite. In spite of all his lovely little words, the international pedophile cartel known as the Catholic Church continues to pump out fresh victims like Air Jordan's at an Indonesian sweatshop and Franky has gone out of his fucking way to cover their collective ass, putting the company name before basic bare minimum common decency (the latest cover-ups occurred in nearly every arch-diocese bordering my own in Central Pennsylvania) and I'm beginning to think that was the point all along. Like Obama, Pope Francis was just a hip new mask to cover the madness of the same filthy old empire, a shiny new rape van full of fresh kittens. Well no more. When you're trans, part of you will always be that battered child in the closet. The church put me in that closet. It's other victims will always be my comrades, so this jihad is fucking personal to me. Sinead O'Connor was right, It's high time we fight the real enemy. In 2018, that enemy is you, Frank. Commie or not, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. I'm not just lapsed, I'm done with Catholicism. You can officially mark me down as a Trinitarian Wiccan and this witch is pissed.

DJ Khaled-  Social media has done some wonderful things, even a bitter Luddite like me can admit it. Its sparked revolutions, exposed powerful creeps like the ones on this list, and emboldened maligned weirdos like myself. But its also awarded fame and fortune to brain-dead blowhards like DJ Khaled, a C-list hip hop nobody before he constructed an empire on his shallow, re-baked Chicken Noodle Soup for the millennial's soul, self-help, horseshit. Now the motherfucker is everywhere, not just Twitter and Instagram but commercials, billboards, bus benches, designer drugs, urinal cakes, subliminal messages, and most ironically of all, prime time "talent" shows, because who better to assess artistic ability than a second rate, B-boy, Dr. Phil knock-off, who wouldn't know talent if it creeped up and fucked him in the ass? Yep, social media has done some wonderful things, but I'm beginning to suspect that we retired Ted Kaczynski a bit too early.

Robert Mueller-  The vaunted Matlock of the so-called Resistance, this newly minted liberal lion cut his teeth as a key player in George W. Bush's post-9/11 torture factory, heading the FBI while they were busy bugging mosques and sending framed Muslims to rot for life in Git-mo. And this is the guy who's gonna bring justice to Trumplandia? Please excuse me as my disgusted laughter cracks into hopeless sobbing. Robert Mueller isn't leading an investigation into election meddling. If that was true Mossad would have given his skull a skylight months ago. Bob is running a three ring witch hunt designed to sabotage even the faintest opportunity for detente with Putin's Russia. It's a war against peace and, surprise, surprise, months and millions of dollars in and Mueller has proven approximately jack-dick in the way of Russian collusion. He's exposed a few Wall Street mercenaries and entrapped a couple of geriatric old goons, all of which might be reason for amusement if this campaign wasn't riling the country into the worst Russophobic furor since J. Edna rocked a Missile bra. Go ahead and fire him, Trump. Maybe you'll get impeached for it and everyone will win.

Bibi Netanyahu-  There's a reason this twat makes my list nearly every year. Every year he gets a little more powerful and a little more gross. In an era awash with vibrant autocrats like Erdogan, Trump, and Orban, it's a cruel irony that no one looks more like Hitler than the worlds leading Jewish supremacist. With his nimble fingers busy pulling our president's strings (Putin ain't got shit on Bibi), the Kosher Fuhrer has managed to use his fucking toes to machine gun hundreds of peaceful protesters in Gaza, plow entire villages in the West Bank, and even offer a helping toe to his kindred spirits in Al-Qaeda by launching illegal airstrikes in Syria, all while playing power bottom in Moscow and Washington's devils triangle. The motherfucker is like Jim Henson with a body count. Even the Jews are beginning to hate his fucking guts as Bibi's autocratic apartheid state increasingly turns the Uzi's on the chosen people. It's official folks, the golem has become the master. Moses help us.

Tom ArnoldBest known for porking Roseanne in her pre-MAGA heyday and riding bitch to Arnold Schwarzenegger in True Lies, quite possibly the most blatantly Islamophobic blockbuster of the Nineties, Tom Arnold is the kind of Z-list Hollywood loser who just wont go away. And now he's groping for another 15 minutes with a show on the usually excellent Viceland in which he plays the role of a yammering crusader for truth searching for the missing and likely fictional Trump tapes. It's kind of like Michael Moore on whippits hosting a Resistance friendly season of Finding Bigfoot. And Roseanne gets canceled? Where's justice? And when does the next season of Hamilton's Pharmacopeia start? I need to wash the taste of mediocrity out of my mouth with Ayahuasca and get high like I've never gotten high before.

Mohammed Bin Salman-  The media just loves this sick son of a bitch, or at least they did until he threw a Scarface-style chainsaw party for one of their own. Up until lately however, if you had based your opinion on the Fourth Estate's drippy smoozefest coverage of the Crown Prince you'd think he was some kind of made-for-TV hybrid of Lawrence of Arabia and Nelson fucking Mandela. The reality is that the only thing the heir apparent to that hateful little dust-land terror-factory of a kingdom has reformed is Saudi Arabia's PR game. His much celebrated anti-corruption campaign is little more than a thinly veiled purge of the Crown Prince's royal competition and his minor concessions to women's rights are essentially a shiny set of jingle-keys to distract the infantile liberal class while he brutally ethnically cleanses Yemen and continues to stoke a dying garbage fire in the Syrian hinterlands. The swarthy young psychopath seems to be hellbent on outdoing his barbaric ancestors in the bloodbath department and the last folks on this list seem more than eager to give it to him on a pike like Khashoggi's head. This is one faggot who's not ashamed to admit that I'm rooting for the Shia Crescent. Someone's gotta stop this cunt.

Donald Trump & Co. Vs. The Fourth Estate-  I despise nothing more on this slow-boiling planet than the endless cro magnon shit-slinging festival between the current gang of banksters occupying the White House and those putrid self-fellating sycophants in the establishment media who got the prior elected and then spent every square second of the last two years bitching and moaning about it. It's a never ending competition between two clans of conniving crybabies over who gets to be the top victim class of the One Percent. Both sides win by hijacking every dinner table conversation from coast to coast while we all lose by choosing sides in a cat-fight between soulless fucking hypocrites who we should all despise equally. If you hate Trump, that's great, you should. He's a petulant oligarch who believes in nothing but himself. But don't let that hate fool you into giving your trust back to the same tabloid hucksters who've sold us into every military quagmire from Vietnam to Libya. If you're sick to death of the press, that's a good thing. That's a completely healthy reaction to a toxic corporate cartel of bourgeois popcorn propagandists who play Woodward-and-Bernstein like cops-and-robbers while they service Nixonian trolls such as Henry Kissinger like a Saigon whore.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, dearest motherfuckers, is there's more than enough hate to go around. Why waste it all in one place? The press will try to tell you that your anger is a bad thing. That's fucking bullshit. The planet is dying, representative democracy has officially flopped, and children are murdered by our sinking empire on nearly every continent. Frankly, you would have to be fucking stupid not to be pissed. Don't reject your anger. Own it. Weaponize it. And use it to obliterate the human clutter that pollutes this god forsaken place we call Earth. Rage on, dearest motherfuckers, rage on. Make your own fucking shitlist and let the ass kicking begin. Pay it forward. Increase the hate.

Rage, Love, & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Theme songs for the shitheads above.

* John McCain- Angel of Death by Slayer
* Pope Francis- Suffer Little Children by the Smiths
* DJ Khaled- Hip Hop by Dead Prez
* Robert Mueller- I'm Waiting for the Man by the Velvet Underground
* Bibi Netanyahu- Sabotage by the Beastie Boys
* Tom Arnold- Loser by Beck
* Mohammad Bin Salman- Psycho Killer by Talking Heads
* Trump & the Press- Colors by Ice-T 

P.S.  My friend Lily, one of my favorite people, wrote this in an email and I just had to fucking publish it.

Empress Nicky of the Dark Luddite Realm, Anarchist Champion of the People, SHALL NOT BE IGNORED. 

Kink is her body, and FIRE is her blood,
She has created over a thousand blog posts,
Unknown to light, nor known to gender,
Has withstood pain to write many arguments
Yet his hands will never hold anything
So as she prays... UNLIMITED NICKY WORKS

Fucking A.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Voluntary Tribalism: Why Not?

I've always found it absurd that white nationalists bitch the loudest about identity politics when they're the winy snowflakes who fucking invented the goddamn concept. White isn't even a race for Christ sake. There is no Whitestan. There is no traditional white tribe. It's a class concept designed to justify an oligarchy without a royal bloodline. I'm pretty sure that the first "white" guys were just a bunch of slave owners who settled on the superiority of their lack of melanin after they finished taking inventory on eye color and penis size and came to the conclusion that skin was the one thing they had in common that the field hands couldn't lay claim to. In today's divided states of America identity politics are mostly used to keep different genres of poor people at each others throats while the one percent rapes their wives (often literally) and pollutes their land.

This doesn't mean that race and other identities can't have a positive place in society. I take great pride in being a gender-bending Irish (lapsed)Catholic dyke. But if has proven anything it's that their is no such thing as purity. Through centuries of war, rape, and pillaging, we've all become a little bit of everything. There is no biological basis to racial identity. It's all a cultural crap shoot. So go ahead and take pride in being German, just know that you're making a choice to identify with 20% of your DNA and try not to be such a dick about it.

I know a lot of people hate to hear this, but gender identity is the same damn thing. Contrary to popular belief, human beings are not defined by their genitalia anymore than they are by their skin color. We all start out female in utero and are largely shaped by the amount of testosterone we're exposed to during pregnancy. They're are many cultures from Santa Fe to Sulawesi who have acknowledged the existence of three, four, five gender identities for longer than our loafer dragging puritanical medical establishment has recognized the existence of two. (Before the Victorian era, the Johns-Hopkins-class naively believed that male was the only gender and women were simply defective males.)

"So what does this mean!?" I can hear the hysterical cry-babies of the troll army weep through a veil of tears, soiling their pressed Fred Perry polo shirts, "If gender and race aren't determined by biology than people can be anything! Oh the madness!!" Many of my fellow left-wing queermos would now take the time to launch into some kind of complex post-modern argument about the nature of western civilization and dialectical materialism and blah, blah, blah. At the ripe old age of thirty, I've simply grown to old for this shit. I'll leave the intellectual hair-splitting to younger minds and longer attention spans. My only response to what can only be accurately described as the rise of voluntary tribalism is, so the fuck what? If race, gender, and sexuality are fluid concepts then why shouldn't they be at least semi-optional?

Many indigenous American tribal nations took a similar approach, accepting escaped slaves and impoverished paupers into the fold as long as they committed themselves to the tribal order. Even that pillar of Prussian nationalism, Oswald Spengler preached that race was not defined by blood but rather by shared ideals. So what if Rachel Dolezal is whiter than a bleached gym sock? Or Ward Churchill has less Indian blood than George Custer? Or that I identify as a lesbian with a stubby cock and a six o'clock shadow? We've all chosen our tribes and devoted ourselves completely to serving the only communities that feel like home to us. I may not have chosen to be non-binary but I did choose to leave the closet and embrace my spirit above my biology and it saved my life. Why shouldn't everybody be afforded that same opportunity? Isn't this the logical outcome of embracing voluntaryism and individuality?

This may also be the best way to hobble racism and rise above the incessant bitching of identity politics. If we're all whatever the fuck we want then what really matters? As I noted above, class is the real game changer here. When it all comes down to it, the real deciding factor in a capitalist society is cold hard cash and the power it affords. Things like race, gender, religion, and sexuality serve the state as distractions from the common thread that ties us all together. Black kids in Ferguson have far more common ground with rednecks in the Ozarks than the millionaire uncle toms in the Congressional Black Caucus. Honky Rust-Belt casualties in Youngstown have far more reasons to vote for a black radical like Ajamu Baraka than a Wall Street corporate welfare queen like Trump. As I said here before in the wake of the Charlottesville brouhaha, we're all niggers and faggots in the eyes of the one percent.

So pick a tribe, any tribe, dearest motherfuckers. Loose yourself from the shackles of identity tyranny and come together to smash the state that divides us against ourselves and our radical individuality.

Peace, Love, & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.

* Cult of Personality by Living Colour
* Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones
* She Walks On Me by Hole
* Absolutely Sweet Marie by Bob Dylan
* See America Right by the Mountain Goats
* All Along the Watchtower by the Jimi Hendrix Experience
* Say It Loud- I'm Black and I'm Proud by James Brown
* Brown Sugar by the Rolling Stones
* Personality Crisis by New York Dolls

Monday, September 24, 2018

Looking Left to Panarchy

I haven't always been an anarchist but I've always been a radical. After being raised in the pro-life movement I discovered the Communist Manifesto as a 14 year old lapsed malcontent. I didn't understand every word of it but the inflammatory anti-clerical rhetoric lit a fire in me that never went out. After spending several years as a teenage anarchist, influenced in equal measure by Subcomandante Marcos and Johnny Rotten, I turned to state socialism, inspired by the bold anti-imperialist antics of Hugo Chavez and the Bolivarian Revolution. It was also around this time that I became enamored by tales of the Bolsheviks, Che Guevara, and those dastardly Castro brothers. Marxist-Leninism and Democratic Centralism made sense to a twenty-something closeted agoraphobic. Like my life it felt preserved in formaldehyde. It felt safe.

But there's nothing radical about safe and when I came out of the closet to take my life back from mental illness and gender tyranny, I was ready to dream dangerously again. The suspiciously early demise of Hugo Chavez followed shortly by the cataclysmic failure of his signature revolution was the final straw. Chavez did everything right but when he dropped dead the revolution dropped dead with him. For me, that was the last nail in the coffin for state socialism or state anything for that matter. I was drawn back to anarchism by the unexpected triumph of the Rojava Revolution in Northern Syria and the prison writings of the man who inspired it, another post-Marxist anti-statist named Abdullah Ocalan. But I've remained both conscious and unapologetic of my tangled radical roots and my objectives have always remained the same, the creation of a classless post-capitalist society.

There's another word for this; utopia, and its acquired a bad reputation by being bandied about by thugs and idiots. But utopia needn't be a pejorative just because a few bloodthirsty Maoists mucked it up. When it all comes down to it, utopia is a goal. It's something to strive towards eternally like a form of societal evolution. The only problem with utopia is that it's a subjective premise. One person's utopia is another person's DMV. Expecting a Bible-thumping paleocon to ever be on board with my queer commie vision of direct democracy is about as reasonable as expecting a bomb throwing queen like me to thrive in a theistic monastery. As much as I may believe that my way is the way, enforcing that belief upon anybody would mean the death of liberty and the revolution for which it stands. At the same time, the earth melting apocalypse that is the American Empire doesn't exactly leave us with a wealth of time to debate the fine points of stateless utopianism. My solution to this existential conundrum is embracing the philosophy of panarchy.

The basic concept of panarchy is that governments should be more like churches only with better benefits and less child rape, voluntary stateless communities that people can pick and choose to be a party to and can coexist within the same geographic spaces. This means that my Bookchinite municipality of pot-farming trannies can thrive on the same block as a distributionist Catholic polity or an anarcho-capitalist confederation. As long as all communities agree to a policy of strict non-aggression and cooperation enforced by a coalition of civilian militias the result will be a virtual marketplace of optional utopias. Those that succeed will grow in a decentralized fashion while those that fail will splinter into smaller communities to accommodate every possible lifestyle and way of life. The best part is that a violent upheaval may not even be necessary to achieve this. We can create these communities now as the American dream rots like a two week old jack-o-lantern. Some of us have already started.

My neighbors, the Amish, have thrived peacefully as an essentially panarchist society for well over a century and they've done it without firing a single bullet. They've simply chosen to opt out of mainstream society while simultaneously and peacefully coexisting with us wicked folks in the English world. Against all the odds they have persevered as a radical traditionalist, racially pluralist, theocratic aristocracy with virtually no classes, no private property, and no goddamn electricity. Their way of life seems completely insane to 90% of the planet and yet they continue to exist essentially unchanged even as the world burns down around their farms because they embrace the concept of a fully voluntary society where all transactions are completely consensual. When the Amish disagree they don't war, they atomize, separating into smaller autonomous communities. Even their children are given the opportunity to experience the English world and chose for themselves whether they wish to join them. Some do, but many don't. Many choose community over modernity. And isn't that what all anarchists are truly thirsty for? An escape from the corrosive cult of bigness and a return to the bosom of the tribe, however we may define it?

The Amish way is not my way. I could and would never live that way. But goddammit if I don't respect the shit out of their devotion to peaceful autonomy. And if they can do it their way then why can't the rest of us do it ours? Why not syndicalists and mutualists and communists and traditionalists and libertines? Why should we all be at each others throats when we all essentially want the same damn thing? To strive for our individual utopias and be left the fuck alone. So give me your radical faeries, militiamen, and black nationalists. Give me your outlaw bikers, gang-bangers, and cyber-terrorists. Give me your Orthodox Old Believers, born again pagans, and Sufi mystics. Give me your gutter punks, skinheads, and black metal church arsonists. Give me all the freaks you got so we can come together to burn this motherfucker we call a state down, once and for all.

And to my appalled fellow leftists who are disgusted by the very notion of breaking bread with any of the above, I say take a cue from the Amish and lighten the fuck up. It's called solidarity, dearest motherfuckers. Freaks of the world unite!

Peace, Love, & Solidarity- CH

Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post

* I Was a Teenage Anarchist by Against Me!
* Cherry-Coloured Funk by Cocteau Twins
* Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols
* That's When I Reach For My Revolver by Mission of Burma
* We're Not Done (End Title) by Mogwai
* Tribe by Gruntruck
* The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
* Shake Appeal by the Stooges
* Freak Scene by Dinosaur Jr.
* My Way by Sid Vicious

Monday, September 17, 2018

The Establishment Hates a Sloppy Imperialist

Regardless of how you feel about the son of a bitch (or his apparently abortion-shy bitch mother), it's becoming pretty hard to ignore the fact that the establishment, personified by both major parties, the legacy media, and the so called intelligence community, fucking hates President Donald J. Trump. With the New York Times latest revelation of an inter-administration resistance and Bob Woodword's latest tabloid airport flyswatter, the movement to remove or contain our red-headed stepchild of an Electoral College despot has never been more vibrant. This puts me in a pretty weird position, not just because I've devoted my life to bitch slapping bigots like the Donald and upsetting the fanged mandarins of the establishment who so oppose him but because I find it strange that these fellow swamp critters despise each other so damn much.

Some of this is obviously theater. Donald Trump ran a successful campaign largely on trashing the Fourth Estate that Middle-America has come to despise for their impressive track record of fooling them into unwinnable wars and shitty trade deals. And the Fourth Estate made this campaign possible with their round the clock coverage of the free-wheeling MAGA circus. Every time the press attacks Trump he gets to play the role of the anti-establishment victim that his fans identify with. And every time Trump makes some vaguely fascist empty threat against the mass media they get to play the role of the embattled crusaders for truth. In both cases, Trump sees his approval numbers go up and the press sees their ratings go up with them. It's a mutually abusive, codependent relationship straight out of a Dr. Phil rerun.

But this still doesn't fully explain the devotion that the mainstream political elite have to actually physically removing the Ginger Duce from power. In spite of all his Buchananite Isolationist rhetoric, Trump is still essentially one of them, isn't he? Born into money, the Donald made his mint off the kind of corporate welfare that fuels the sickening lifestyles of this countries vaunted rapacious oligarchy. He threw cash around to all the right monsters, bankrolling a rogues gallery of Rockefeller Republicans and their Clintonian cousins (including the Clinton's themselves). And his presidency largely reflects this grotesque legacy. The Donald loves all the horrid filth his establishment enemies love, unwinnable wars, Wall Street giveaways, minority strangling police states, all that good shit. Contrary to all Trump's America First bullshitting, he's essentially just another imperialist swine in a ten thousand dollar suit.

So why do the heroic imperialists in the "Steady State" despise their fellow pigfucker so damn much? My theory, if I could distill it down to a single sentence; Donald Trump sucks at imperialism. If there is one thing the establishment has come to hate more than the dreadful Isolationist ("No! Not peace!") it's a sloppy imperialist. With all his buffoonish bluster and irrational hissy-fits, Donald Trump makes the American Empire look bad. If you read the screeds of the NYT's Anonymous and Bernstein's bottom bitch close enough, you'll find that the biggest complaint Trump's fellow charlatans have is that he makes America look weak again in front of the geopolitical competition.

Where as past presidents have eliminated our pesky problem of freedom seeking refugees discreetly, Trump turns our cruel immigration system into a spectacle of barbarism befitting a Pasolini picture. Where as past presidents have framed our imperial NATO protection racket in Europe as some kind of globalist Kumbaya love fest, Trump shows up like his cigar-chomping slumlord father and barks "Where's the fucking rent?". Where as past warmongers waxed philosophic about humanitarian intervention and the right to protect, Trump rants and raves about blowing the shit out of people and stealing their oil. The sick fact is that Trump isn't doing anything that Obama, Clinton, or Reagan wouldn't do, he's just moronically laying bare the harsh reality of the American way without any of that razzle-dazzle showmanship that we've come to expect from our career politicians. And the other big boys on the block are taking notice.

It was the Donald's Sam Kinison style fire breathing that convinced South Korea to elect Moon Jae-in, a refreshingly rational pacifist who took the initiative with China's help to start a peace dialogue with the North before Trump decided to switch gears and take credit for it as if he planned the mess all along. Even as Trump does his damnedest to sabotage the deal from within, peace on the peninsula rolls on unabated. America is on the verge of losing South Korea to the influence of their more coherent neighbors and Iraq and Syria aren't far behind. This may not be a fix for America's bloody War on Terror but god help me if I can't see this as a move in the right direction. This is what the Steady State fears, the death of American prestige. The rest of the world welcomes it with open arms.

The hysterics on the right wan't to view Trump's war with the establishment as the scourge of a creeping deep state and the hysterics on the left wan't to look at it as an Orwellian battle for democracy. They both may be right in their own myopic way but this anarchist prefers to look at it as imperialist on imperialist violence, and god knows the only good imperialist is an irrelevant one. In spite of the short term gains on the home front, both Trump and the Grey Lady are well on their way out. I say good fucking riddance.

Hand me the remote, dearest motherfuckers, let's see what else is on.

Peace, Love, & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post

* T.V. Eye by the Stooges
* Middle Sea by Yuck
* Surrender by Cheap Trick
* Mr. Brightside by the Killers
* T.V. Party by Black Flag
* Cherub Rock by Smashing Pumpkins
* Son of a Gun by the Vaselines
* The Wagon by Dinosaur Jr.

Monday, September 10, 2018

A Politically Incorrect Guide To Not Being a Dick

Political correctness is a fucking bust. It may have started with the best of intentions but so was the Russian Revolution and both ended in bourgeois tyranny. Political correctness has been more or less the law of the zeitgeist since the early Eighties when the radical feminists teamed up with the puritanical Reaganites to poop the raucous party of the Seventies, after the CIA unleashed AIDS to kill all the fun faggots (I'm only half-kidding). And in the proceeding decades the PC revolution has achieved absolutely nothing. Black and brown people are still poor as dirt. Women and femmes are still roundly violated on a daily basis. And the prison state has never been stronger.

The only thing political correctness really achieved was making it easier for bigots to hide behind the facade of good manners. Based on policy alone, the Clintonian Democrats clearly despise brown and queer people as much as those knuckle-draggers in the alt-right, they just know how to cover their ass with careful newspeak like "super-predators" and empty gestures to people who disgusted them three weeks ago when they weren't politically viable. Personally, I'll take an open bigot like David Duke over some squishy closet-basher like Alec Baldwin any day of the week. At least that silicone supremacist will call me faggot to my face.

So the current backlash against the malign influence of political correctness is not only totally natural, it's also totally necessary. But that doesn't mean you have to be a fucking dick. The reality is that marginalized individuals such as myself do have plenty of reasons to be pissed off and straight white cis-folk could strongly benefit from learning why and realizing that their mainstream cache does afford them some privileges that the rest of us don't have. I'm willing to bet that most of you can enter a public restroom without having to seriously consider the possibility that somebody might set you on fire for having the wrong genitalia. But nothing gets solved without conversation, so I've decided to put together a few suggestions on how to be politically incorrect without being a total dick.

#1.  Assume Nothing-  I've got a bumper sticker that reads that and it's good advice for everyone to follow. The biggest problem with race and gender relations today is that everybody already has everybody else figured out and they're all usually wrong. This can be easily ameliorated by quite simply assuming nothing about anybody until they tell you otherwise. Not every woman has a cunt. Not every inner-city black man is a gang banger. And not every redneck is a cousin-fucking racist. I'm a genderqueer dyke but I'm also a foul-mouthed, pro-life, anti-imperialist who cares much more about Yemeni genocide than bathroom rights, though I would appreciate not being lit on fire. People are more complex than black, white, gay, straight, cis, trans. Just stay open to infinite possibilities and get ready to be surprised.

#2.  Ask Questions-  If you don't know something, just fucking ask. Some people will get offended but most people will appreciate the effort. Ask a black person why they smoke menthols. Ask a gay person how they decide who rides on top. Ask a trans person why they pee sitting down (I don't, those seats are fucking heinous). Don't expect everyone to be comfortable with giving you an answer. Don't expect one person to speak for an entire population. But by all means, don't be afraid to fucking ask. Bigotry loves ignorance and the silence political correctness spreads ignorance.

#3.  Words Matter Less Than Context-  Patti Smith once sang, "Jesus Christ was a n*gger, Mahatma Gandhi and my mother too. We're ALL fucking n*ggers!" For those of you who don't know (and shame on you), Patti's a white bitch and she's far from a bigot. Her statement was one of solidarity from one oppressed person to another. It's the same reason I make regular use of words like faggot, tranny, dyke, and queer, just to name a few. To me these are terms of endearment, of love for my people. And if some hetero-cis-boy tells me, "You know, for a tranny, you're alright", I'm gonna respond, "Well thank you. For a breeder, you aren't half bad either". That doesn't mean your lilly-white ass should waltz into the nearest bodega and shout, "What up, my niggas!", there is nothing genuine about that kind of imitation which is why you'd probably get your ass kicked in. There are no bad words, just bad (or dumb) intentions. The most hurtful thing anyone ever told me was to "just be normal". The Catholic Church did a knock-out job of teaching me how to hate myself and they didn't have to call me faggot to do it.

#4.  Empathy Is Everything-  The biggest problem with the world today is that so many people seem almost medically incapable of putting themselves in other people's shoes and this cuts both ways. Suburban liberals don't ask themselves why someone would vote for Trump in a post-apocalyptic Rust-Belt town. Traditional conservatives don't ask themselves what it must be like to be a stranger in your own body. And Americans don't ask themselves what they would do if they came home to find their family on the business end of a Tomahawk missile. We need to remember that we're all just people, regardless of our tribe. You don't have to agree with someone or even like them to respect their right to live their life however they damn well choose.

Political correctness may be a bust, dearest motherfuckers, but human kindness is always a boon. Take it from a white-trash-tranny-n*gger like me, you don't have to be politically correct to not be a dick. You just have to give a fuck. Give it a shot, dearest motherfuckers, your honky-breeder ass might just like it.

Peace, Love, & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post

* Voices Carry by Sky Ferreira
* Rock & Roll N*gger by Patty Smith
* Express Yourself by N.W.A.
* Mamma Tried by Merle Haggard
* White Minority by Black Flag
* The Day the Niggaz Took Over by Dr. Dre
* You're No Rock & Roll Fun by Sleater-Kinney
* A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash

Monday, September 3, 2018

Who's Afraid of Comrade Hermit?

Its recently been brought to my attention by a well respected member of the libertarian literati that my writing more or less sucks. I wont name any names, god knows I've burned enough fucking bridges, but suffice it to say you would know who he is if I did. This isn't a new complaint. I've heard it before but the certain terms of his criticism and the fact that I actually respect the son of a bitch made its way through my armor like a spear. Unfortunately for him, the only way I know how to cope with such turmoil is through my bad writing.

His gripe was a tired old sawhorse often tossed about by white cis-gender libertarians. What it basically amounts to is that he's uncomfortable with my "personal" style of narrative. He's revolted by all the I, I, I's. I this, I that, I hate war, I have feelings, and I share them with my work, and apparently I shouldn't fucking do this. Fair enough. My writing is personal. I'm a personal person. Things like war and the state effect me deeply so I express those feelings honestly through my prose. Apparently this along with my penchant for profanity makes my work unpublishable by the big shots of libertarian online journalism. Apparently my work is too unconventional to meet their sterling standards of literary integrity.

Well fuck them. Apparently those cunty know-it-alls have never heard of New Journalism. If it was up to these self-appointed Mandarins of the fifth estate Hunter S. Thompson, Tom Wolfe, and Matt Taibbi would have never been published. Apparently they skipped class the day their staunchy universities taught about Gonzo Journalism. The basic message that I've gotten from these people is that I'm too different. And they call themselves libertarians?

I'll never understand this, alleged radicals who devote themselves to political liberty somehow justify artistic tyranny? The peace loving ex-hippies who evolved from sticking daisies in the barrels of rifles to editing major alternative news sources want everyone to fucking write the same. There is no room for forms of expression that deviate from the company line of stale, detached, masculine, editorial order.

Who the hell do these people think they are? You're all for pot, pussy, and peace but my deadly I, I, I's are a bridge too far into chaos? You're crusaders for free speech but  you uphold the grey flannel rule of the seven deadly words? And you have the fucking gall to look down your crooked little noses at real fucking radicals like my friends Tom Knapp and Keith Preston for not being capital L libertarians and publishing degenerates like me? This is what's become of the fifth estate? A bitchy little clique of elitist brats getting high off their own flatulence? To quote television's finest egoist, Rick Sanchez, "You wanted to be safe from the government so you became a stupid government!"

To me the avante garde and radical politics of any kind have always gone together like sadism and masochism. Embracing one but rejecting the other isn't just heresy, it's just plain fucking boring. Somewhere along the line these guardians of the digital underground became a petite version of the conformist legacy media that they mock. Somewhere along the line they began to take themselves too goddamn seriously. They lost their sense of humor and they lost touch with what the free press really means.

I strongly suggest they look to the message boards beneath their carefully structured articles for a reminder. These places are hives for true liberty, where all manor of libertarians, anarchists, stoners, Stalinists, truthers, trannies, third positionists, cryptos, and perverts come together to break bread and bust balls. There are better writers in these cyber trenches than the people who get published above them. That is what real democracy, both political and artistic, fucking looks like. Take fucking notice.

These dearest motherfuckers on the fringe of the fringe are my people. They've made me a better writer than any chickenshit, role crazy, editor ever has. I just wanted to cross that editorial line one time and be the first freak on the board to see my name in the big print. I wanted it for me and I wanted it for them. But if I have to bite off half my tongue to get there then it's not worth it. I won't become like them, the other them, I'm better than that. I'll take authentic obscurity over establishment validation any day of the fucking week and you can etch that on my gravestone.

I asked that glorified desk chair hall monitor what he was so damn afraid of. He responded that he was afraid of publishing bad writing. That hurt, but it shouldn't. Coming from a sell-out like him, that's a goddamn compliment. I said a lot of things in response to his unwarranted low-blow, a lot of angry vitriolic things that I probably should have kept to myself. But here's what I should have told him; You're goddamn right I'm a bad writer. I'm the baddest motherfucking writer you'll ever snub. And you should be afraid. You should be very afraid. Those who fight mainstream scum all to often take their place, which will damn you to the same fate of utter irrelevancy. Let my bad journalism be a reminder that your "good" journalism is a one way ticket to circling the drain. Say hi to Dan Rather when you get there, you chickenshit conformist.

...And to you few proud dearest motherfuckers that read this post, all I can do is sincerely thank you. You have given me the only gift a starving artist truly desires, an audience. For this I can only wish you these three little words...

Peace, Love, & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post

* Take This Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck
* Where Eagles Dare by the Misfits
* So What by Ministry
* I Think That I Would Die by Hole
* I Walk the Line by Johnny Cash
* I Bet On Losing Dogs by Mitski
* Chickenshit Conformist by Dead Kennedys
* Everybody Does by Julien Baker
* My War by Black Flag
* My Way by Sid Vicious

Monday, August 27, 2018

Notes From a Sputnik Leftist

Russophobia has become America's new favorite form of bigotry. You can't jaywalk in this goddamn country without being accused of first degree Putin puppetry. This cold borscht of xenophobia has been brewing for some time but it has taken on a whole new spiciness with Robert Mueller's blockbuster witch trials and the alleged pervasive Putinist conspiracy to subvert our so-called democracy. The shocking thing, to me at least, is that even stalwart elements of the radical left have been effected by the fumes of the latest Red Scare. One of my favorite writers, CounterPunch's Jeffrey St. Clair, has taken to referring to Russiagate critics such as myself as the Sputnik Left. It's cute. I kinda like it, but then again you are talking to a non-binary person who takes tranny as a compliment. I've never been particularly hesitant to embrace the role of the villain. After all, who else is going to blow up the system? But there are still bones to be picked and I'm just the bitch to pick them.

The general stereotype of the Sputnik Left is that we're a bunch of bitter, Putin loving, conspiracy theorists who ingest RT like cheap caviar and maintain a decidedly myopic view of Russia's alleged involvement in the 2016 election among other nefarious acts of Rusky skulduggery. Jeffrey recently described us as "political activists who rigorously apply Chomsky's lens to the NYT, WashPost, and the Guardian, but regurgitate as gospel whatever they read or hear on RT or Sputnik", and like even the least of Jeff's work there is a grain of truth here. I have friends who fit that description to a tee but it's an awfully broad brush for a diverse crew. I can't speak for all of us but I figured one of us might as well attempt a rebuttal.

First off, Putin: I am not nor have I ever been a Putin puppet. As a genderqueer anarchist, I'm sure that Vlad wouldn't think twice about chucking my radical faerie ass into a gulag. Like all politicians, Putin is greedy, vain, stupid, and shallow. People in his country starve while he hobnobs with the kind of cruel oligarchs that were rightfully strung from the lamp posts during the Revolution. But the western notion that Putin is the worst thing to happen to Russia since Stalin is just fucking silly. The man may be a greedy egomaniac (and likely closet queen) but he has shown an enormous and at times downright shocking amount of restraint when confronted repeatedly by western aggression. My and others recognition of this fact doesn't make us Putin apologists anymore than the critics of the Second Gulf War were Saddam apologists.

When America's quisling state in Georgia violated international law by attacking civilian Russian nationals in South Ossetia, Putin could have easily ran over that tiny, belligerent, den of gangsters called a country like a bug. Instead he took the measured response of throwing the Georgian Army out of the contentious autonomous republic while safe-guarding another, Abkazia, from likely reprisals. We saw a very similar display of restraint in Ukraine after the NED aided a flock of skinhead hooligans in overthrowing the democratically elected government in Kiev. If Russia had aided a similar coup with the Zapatistas in Mexico (I wish), the US would have tanks in Mexico City faster than you can say Operation PBSUCCESS. Putin chose to secure the Russian population in Crimea and Novorossiya and then sat on his hands. Syria is a clear case of overkill that I won't attempt to defend but considering the proximity of their oldest Arab allie to Russia's already hostile Caucus region and that the alternative to Assad was another NATO assisted black hole clusterfuck like Libya, even Putin's cruel overreaction can be seen as an attempt, however flawed, to prevent another garbage fire from spreading in his neighborhood, rather than a Stalinist land grab.

As for conspiracies: You have yours and I have mine. The state department approved narratives on MH17, Skripal, and Syria's gas attacks all have more holes than Swiss cheese and smack of past "mainstream" fables of mobile WMD labs and VC gunboats in the Tonkin Gulf. Can I tell you for sure who downed that airline and poisoned those people in England and Syria? No. But neither can you and I can tell you who stood to benefit from these nefarious acts and it sure as fuck wasn't Putin. NATO has a long and proven history of fostering terrorism and performing false flag attacks. Just Google Operation Gladio or ask Aldo Moro's ghost, I'm pretty sure he still haunts our embassy in Rome with Pier Pasolini.

As for Russia Today, I wont pretend that they're a bastion of journalistic integrity. It's a station devoted to exposing the flaws in western society and they have an ugly tendency of providing platforms to crackpots and nut-jobs. But they also have an equally storied history of providing unprecedented platforms for some of this country and many others finest dissidents from Adam Kokesh to Christopher Hedges. Compare this to the milquetoast neoliberal dreck pushed out by Radio Liberty and you'll forgive me for not clapping like a trained seal for the over the top demonization of the prior organization. I try to look at sources like RT and Sputnik as being a bit like the Upside Down in Stranger Things. You may only be getting a demagorgons view of reality, but if you compare and contrast that view with the equally skewed vision of the western press, you may just come a little closer to fully grasping the reality that both sides obscure.

And the reality of Robert Mueller's Russiagate investigation is that we're over a year in, with every other intelligence organization and their media parrots blaming Russia for the election of one Donald J. Trump (a dick by any measure), and there remains no empirical proof beyond anonymous hearsay of anything more nefarious than a couple of B-grade Russian oligarchs attempting to play the orange bastard for a chump in hopes of getting off of America's economic shitlist. You can mock me if you want but my sources include Princeton professor Stephen Cohen and veteran CIA whistle-blower Ray McGovern, while your's are yellow schlock artists like Michael Wolff and treasonous spooks like John Brennan. Like I said before, you can believe what you want to believe, but that is precisely what you're doing when you feed into salacious tall-tails like Trump's golden shower party and mock people like me for calling bullshit. You're believing precisely what you want to believe.

I can begrudgingly respect the agnostic nature of "truth" in a post-truth era. Can you? Put up or shut up. Publish this piece and prove it. And, yeah, I know that's a cheap ploy for attention. But what do you expect? I'm a Sputnik Leftist. Das Vadanya, dearest motherfuckers. See you at HUAC 2.

Peace, Love, & Nostrovia- Nicky Reid aka Comrade Hermit

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post

* Back In the U.S.S.R. by the Beatles
* U-Mass by the Pixies
* Party At Ground Zero by Fishbone
* What's Up? by 4 Non Blondes
* Do You Wanna Dance? by the Ramones
* Rockstar by Hole
* Happiness is a Warm Gun by the Breeders
* You Have Killed Me by Morrissey
* Atmosphere by Joy Division