Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Creative Solutions for Middle East Peace

The American Empire has dug a lot of shitholes across the world but none deeper than the ones dug in the Middle East, probably because we weren't the ones who started digging them. We took over for our friends, the British, who doomed the region to a century of chaos by chopping up the Ottoman Empire with that racist drunk Winston Churchill's Sykes-Picket line. The result was an absolute clusterfuck of totally phony states jerry-rigged with little attention payed to sectarian demographics. This is the source of much of the regions turmoil.

Iraq and Syria are bubbling bathtubs of blood because the Limeys essentially locked a bunch of Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds into a single prison cell, threw them a single loaf of bread and a hammer, slammed the cell door shut and said "Good luck, motherfuckers!". Israel-Palestine was essentially the same idea only with Arabs and Jews and (slightly)more genocide. This fucked up reality has presented the universe with two colossal questions; Is peace in the Middle East even possible? And, if so, then how?

My answer to the first question is a cautiously enthusiastic yes. Peace is always possible. In the eternal words of the late, great Antonio Gramsci- "I'm a pessimist because of intelligence but an optimist because of will." And where there is a will there is a way. The answer to the second question is a little more complicated. But I figured this week I'd give it a shot. I mean, I'm a goddamn agoraphobic for fuck's sake, it's not like I've got anything else going on. I might as well take a crack at the Rubik's Cube of foreign policy. So, once again, fuck it, here we go.

I wanna start by reiterating my commitment to self-determination and anti-imperialism. The West has zero right to tell anyone in the Middle East how to operate a successful government, especially considering that we've hardly figured out that one for ourselves. Just because we fucked the Middle East up doesn't mean we can unfuck it and it certainly doesn't mean we should try. But for the sake of argument, if nothing else, I do have a few suggestions for a possible solution, specifically for the big problem states of Iraq, Syria and Israel-Palestine. It works in three steps.

Step 1: Confederate- The idea that any of these cobbled hodge-podge countries could ever be a functional singular state is pure weapons-grade lunacy. The only reason these Easy-Bake nations haven't disintegrated sooner is authoritarianism and/or apartheid, but their self-destruction was always inevitable... That is in less the major sectarian regions of these dust-land dumpster-fires are given autonomy under a united confederation. The Shia, Sunni and Kurds would be given there own permanent autonomous zones in Iraq and Syria and the Arabs and Jews would be given the same in a single Israeli-Palestinian confederation based on the traditional pre-1948 borders. This means that certain classes will have to trade their privilege for peace but the dividends will speak for them self in the long run.

Step 2: Decentralize- This process can be solidified by taking it a step further and having each village and neighborhood in the autonomous zones governed by civilian councils. The councils will select representatives for each zone's congress and the people will vote for representation in a unified national congress that will guarantee equal representation by each sectarian group. The people of each autonomous zone will also vote for a president of said zone and the confederations will be led by a council of these presidents similar to the way Switzerland is run. All of these leaders and their laws would be subject to the civilian regulations of direct democracy with the populations of each autonomous zone empowered to remove and replace laws and leaders alike by popular referendum.

Step 3; Constitutionalize- Solidify all of this reform with a binding secular constitution that grants equal rights to all the confederation's citizens regardless of race or religion. The governing of this constitution would be upheld by a lottery of civilian supreme court judges selected randomly on a yearly basis with equal representation by each population. Professional judges will be provided for council but the final decision will always be made by the civilian judges themselves.

Will this fix everything? No. Will anything? Probably not. The Middle East is a fucking wreck and no amount of social change, however revolutionary, will unwreck it. The far flung ideas of a white-trash, tranny, anarchist may ring hollow to Middle Eastern ears but it's important to note that many of these ideas are as informed by Middle Eastern iconoclasts like Muammar Gaddafi and Abdullah Ocalan as they are by western ones like Murray Bookchin and Noam Chomsky (both Jews, though). All I ask of you, dearest motherfuckers, is that you think about it and think outside of the box in general. One thing I know for sure though is that we will never see Middle East peace as long as American and European boots remain planted on that sacred soil.

Ideas not bombs, dearest motherfuckers. Increase the peace.

Peace, Love & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.

* Shades of Blue By Yo La Tengo
* Comfy in Nautica By Panda Bear
* Honky's Ladder By Afghan Whigs
* Everyday People By Sly & the Family Stone
* Wild Wild Life By Talking Heads
* Dreams Burn Down By Ride
* Repetition By The Fall
* Dreams By The Cranberries
* Me and Michael By MGMT
* Dream Baby Dream By Suicide

Monday, February 19, 2018

Arm the Undocumented

This country is under siege. The entire nation is in the grips of what can only be described as a gang war. The gang in question is deadly, cruel and armed to the fucking teeth. They ride rough shot across the country in their armadas of armored sports utility vehicles, raiding homes and business' like a Mongol horde. Kicking down doors, smashing everything in site and dragging innocent victims off into the night, to undisclosed hideouts where they're subjected to untold tortures; degraded, raped, beaten or worse. They target women, children, the elderly and infirmed. Whole families are shattered, savaged, annihilated. All of this misery for a paycheck, a cheap thrill and a twisted sense of honor. They number in the tens of thousands across the nation and their numbers are growing by leaps and bounds every single day.

No, I'm not talking about MS-13, Trump's latest brown scapegoat fixation. I'm talking about the Orange One's heroes in Immigration and Customs Enforcement, better known as ICE, and their knuckle-dragging flunkies in the Border Patrol who are waging a state sanctioned jihad against innocent Americans guilty of nothing more than crossing an invisible line into territory stolen from their ancestors. And I'm not trying to be glib by using a loaded word like jihad. What these gangsters are doing is nothing short of terrorism. These mass daylight raids are designed to terrorize entire populations into vacating their homes and returning to the "shitholes" this fine country trashed with it's reckless, coup-happy, gunboat diplomacy.

Another equally viable word for this repulsive rampage is ethnic cleansing and this final solution didn't start with Trump. In 2012, liberal darling and drone-strike sociopath Barack Obama broke a Guinness World Record by deporting more than 400,000 brown people in a single year, that's an average of 1,100 a day, while the bleeding-heart Jose-come-lately's in the Democratic Party dutifully gargled his balls. DACHA was largely an act of payola to pacify the Latino vote (it failed). Trump may or may not be a cross-burning racist (daddy was) but he's got some big jackboots to fill thanks to America's first black president. Ain't identity politics grand?

DACHA isn't enough. Immigration is a fundamental human right that transcends national boundaries. Anything less than full spectrum amnesty and a return to the open border policy this country use to maintain is morally unacceptable. But stateless bromides aside, the undocumented and anyone who resembles them in the eyes of our bigoted federal gangbangers has a target on their collective backs and, in the short run, no one can save them but themselves. That is why I am making a simple yet radical suggestion on how to win this war on terror against the formidable immigration industrial complex. Arm the Undocumented.

Statistically speaking, undocumented people are some of the most passive people on the planet, yet this truth hasn't done much to save them from being blackballed as rapists and killers. This status, as demonized lambs, is precisely what makes the undocumented such easy targets for state sanctioned thuggery. Why make it so easy for them? An armed and organized populace is a hell of a lot harder to terrorize than an unarmed and disorganized one. Why do you think no one fucks with the Cubans? They wore out their strategic usefulness decades ago but they armed themselves to the fucking teeth before they did. Now the government cant even keep them from kidnapping fellow refugees without creating a national crisis.

The migrants need to start packing and packing heavy but the question remains how? Gun shows are hotbeds of white nationalism. The moment the crowd turns brown will be the moment those motherfuckers lose their ethics and start checking ID's. More benevolent well armed white folks giving of their sizable arsenals is lovely charity but not enough to arm the millions of undocumented people who keep this heap of a country going and, like many forms of first world charity, it will do nothing to empower them.

Enter MS-13 or any Latino street gang for that matter, all of whom I'd like to now address directly. Cholos of the world, I am not going to pretend to approve of your chosen profession but I am a strong believer that, like all professional soldiers, criminals are merely revolutionaries with a severe lack of direction. The Blackstone Rangers and the Latin Kings proved this during the turbulence of the Sixties and Seventies and you have been awarded with a golden opportunity to prove this once more, to follow in the footsteps of Pancho Villa, Simon Bolivar and Che Guevara and prove yourselves to be more than just a menace to society but a menace to the empire and stewards of your communities to boot.

 You have proven yourselves more than capable of traversing the terrain of America's teeming grey market of ghost guns and straw purchases. I am calling on you, as a Marxist Irish Catholic who's own ancestors would have starved in the Potato Famines if it wasn't for open boarders, to use these skills to arm and train the most vulnerable members of your community in a fight for their existence against our shared mortal enemies in the state. Rise up and show your strength to the world. These people are your people; your brothers, your sisters, your mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins; your familia, and they have been victimized long enough by the bottomless cruelty of a gang far more powerful and merciless than you. Ya Basta! Cholos of the world rise up and take over. Arm the undocumented, hand it over, hand it over, hand it over! Lets give those fucking cunts in ICE something to really be scared of. It's time to give the brown wave teeth.

Peace, Love & Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.

* Nervous Young Inhumans By Car Seat Headrest
* Second Skin By The Gits
* Above The Bodega (Local Business)- Titus Andronicus
* Roots Bloody Roots By Sepultura
* Police Story By Black Flag
* Down Rodeo By Rage Against The Machine
* Lake Of Fire By Meat Puppets
* Shoplifters Of The World Unite By The Smiths

Monday, February 12, 2018

Calling All Lonely Hearts....

I spent the better half of my twenties as a shut-in for a lot of reasons; agoraphobia, low self-esteem, PlayStation. But I broke out of the shag-carpeted prison of my parents basement for one primary reason. I was lonely, pathologically fucking lonely, and I'm not just talking about being horny, though, yeah, twenty-nine years is a long time to wait to get laid. More than nookie though, I need a partner in crime, an accomplice, a Bonnie to my Clyde, a Sid to my Nancy, a Kurt to my Courtney, a Micky to my Mallory. Unfortunately for me, I'm out of work, I flaked out of school, I don't drink, and I don't even believe in the concept of the church. I also find online dating services to be obnoxiously impersonal. But I do have a blog. It may not be the best blog on the block or even the most popular but it's MY goddamn blog and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it. And this Valentines Day I want to pull the shotgun out of my mouth and turn my blog into the worlds weirdest lonely hearts add for the worlds weirdest lonely heart. So, fuck it, here we go.

I am a trans-feminine, gender-fluid, butch-lesbian with a heart of gold but I'm probably too burly to ever pass as anything but a gender-bending dude so I honestly don't give a fuck how you identify as long as you possess a reasonably well maintained vagina (I figure one of us should have one). I would love nothing more on this earth than to be in a committed lesbian relationship but not every dyke is open minded enough to see past the beard and I've made my peace with that. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of a tough sell. I guess you could say I'm kind of the basket-case-starving-artist type, so I'm never gonna make you a lot of money. But what I lack in material goods I more than make up for with intangibles. Being the genderfuck Ursula that I am, I like to think I offer the best of both genders. I have all the bearish girth of a pre-diabetic mountain man but all the sensitive emotional availability of a bleeding-vadge girlfriend. On top of that, being in the unique position of being a dyke with a dick, I've come to appreciate female genitalia with an O'Keeffe-like fervor that verges on the fetishistic. So you'll never have to ask me twice for head. Truth be told, you'll probably need a goddamn forklift to pull me out of there.

I'm something of a homebody (shock!) with a love for couch-surfing, foreign horror movies (Audition, Let the Right One In), American Chinese food and noisy guitar pop (Big Star, Hole, Nirvana, etc.). I'm an anarchist but not the violent kind. I'm a Marxist but not the boring kind. And I'm a feminist but not the annoying kind. Basically I'm pro-pot, pro-gun, pro-union, sex-positive and antiwar. I guess you could say that I'm something of a Christian Existentialist who belongs to the church of Who-the-fuck-knows/Who-the-fuck-cares. I'm also an open minded power-bottom who's down for rope, wax, pegging, piss or whatever (I officially apologize to my aunt if she still reads this blog) but I'm also totally fine with just slothing out on the couch and snuggling with a Netflix.

The kind of girl I'm looking for reveals what a conflicted fucking cunt I am. I'm a fat Irish bitch looking for a petite brunette who likes to eat and is virtually anything between black and white; Latina, Asian, Jewish, biracial, Klingon. I also have a thing for tomboys but I despise sports. I like the spitfire type but I bruise easily. And I've always loved it when girls defend me in an argument. Us against the world is my favorite lifestyle choice. My other idiosyncratic turn-on's include glasses, pig-tales, black lipstick, pleaded skirts, combat boots and musicians. I'm a total fucking fan-girl. The only thing sexier than a girl with a guitar is a girl behind a drum-kit. My turn-off's include bottle-blondes, fake tits, vegans, high heels, bigots and vapid shallow people. If you're into keeping up appearances, minding your manors or watching your language and use the word normal for anything but a pejorative synonymous with fascist then please feel free to fuck off. However, if you're a bomb-throwing manic-pixie-scream-grrrl with a taste for fat scag-drag-fag-hags you may have just found yourself a Princess Charmless to slack off, hang out and occasionally burn stuff with.

I may be a hopeless romantic but I'm not a stupid one. I realize that this post is a fucking long shot and that the odds of me achieving much more than talking to myself again are about as likely as a successful Trump impeachment. But on a day as soul-shatteringly depressing as Valentines Day, a day designed by the Illuminati to torture the lonely, it feels good to dream big and shoot for the rafters. And who knows, maybe I've horded just enough good karma to cash in for a miracle. Agnosticism aside, I still believe in true love. You have your stupid butt-hole gods and I have mine.

Calling all lonely hearts.... Calling all lonely hearts....

It's cold out there, dearest motherfuckers. Keep warm and hold each other tight. We may be all we've got.

Peace, Love and Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* True Love Baby By Father John Misty
* Softer Softest By Hole
* Thirteen By Big Star
* Love Buzz By Nirvana
* Head-On By The Pixies
* Fell In Love With A Girl By The White Stripes
* Southwood Plantation Road By The Mountain Goats
* If You Don't Love Me (I'll Kill Myself) By Pete Droge
* Whole Wide World By Wreckless Eric
* About A Girl By Nirvana

Monday, February 5, 2018

Fear of a Queer Planet

I was an anti-assimilationist before I even came out of the goddamn closet. You can pretty much call me anything and I'll respond 'Fucking A!'- Tranny. Faggot. Dyke. Homo. Shemale. It's not fucking insulting to me if I'm not ashamed of it and the only thing I'm ashamed of is my country. Just about the only epithet I find hard to swallow is LGBT. Part of it's the writer in me. Any sentence with that motherfucker in it twice becomes a clunky headache to read, let alone to write. But mostly I just despise the branding. LGBT was created as a crass attempt to repackage queer people for the straight world after the Reagan facilitated Aids Holocaust. It's clean. It's neat. It's tidy. It's exclusive. It's hierarchical. It's everything I fled the closet to escape and it's everything that our movement once stood against.

I prefer queer. That beautiful repossessed slur that my people once wore like a badge of honor back when we were too busy with liberation to give a flying fuck about assimilation. Under the banner of queer, we're all equal. There's no pecking order based on what certain hetero-cis-males find most threatening. We're all threatening and we should be. Straight people should fear us. We represent the joyful destruction of all the fascist puritanical bullshit that they find sacred or at least we should. Queer panic is a natural reaction from primates in the company of a radical evolution that, with any luck, will render their species obsolete.

And I'll tell you dearest motherfuckers something else right now, we should be taking recruits. Part of what makes LGBT so asinine is that we keep having to add letters. We've gone from LGBT to LGBTQ to LGBTQA. I'd say we're just under a decade from LGBTQABCDEFGLMNOP. Not that I have a problem with new blood. Quite the contrary. I think everyone should be queer in that being queer should be synonymous with rejecting the gender-sexual status quo.

Sex workers should be considered queer for taking full control of their own biological agency and exercising it however they goddamn please. Society treats these people like lepers while they bust their asses (sometimes literally) doing the hardest and most important job on earth- Getting the rest of us off. Fuck society. Their loss is our gain. If all whores are queer than half of Washington wont be able to get their rocks off until they leash the Prison Industrial Complex and stop bombing other queer people overseas.

Sadomasochists and other members of the fetish community should be considered queer for kicking down their own closet doors and having the bravery to admit that they need more than banal vanilla sex to get their jollies. Everyone's kinky. I like to watch pregnant Asian chicks piss their panties. Sex is a fucking circus of subconscious urges. There is nothing queerer than owning your dirty laundry and wearing it like a goddamn champ. I don't care if you wear a leash or dig choking yourself to bliss in a tutu and scuba goggles. If love is love is love is fuck then it's all beautiful to me. Let your freak flag fly high, furies, whipping girls, adult babies and leathermen. You're all fucking queer as far as I'm concerned. Welcome home weirdos, you're not alone.

Polygamists and polyamorists of all stripes should be considered queer for rejecting the tyranny of the nuclear family. I don't care if you're religious or just have enough love to go around, your families are just as valid as anyone else's and fuck anyone who says otherwise. The straight world likes to crow about focusing on the family. Well what about our families? The ones with two moms, two dads, three moms, five moms and one dad, four moms and four dads or one mom and four dads. Family is wherever you find love and these folks should find nothing but love beneath the rainbow flag with the rest of us malcontents.

And, as far as I'm concerned, all women should be considered queer or at least all the empowered ones. After all, what's more radically unconventional than unfettered female sexuality. The chain-smoking  sluts back at my high school taught me how to be a bitch and they got as much shit as any tranny, dyke or fag for having the gull to be open about their own natural sexual appetites while the jocks could date rape their way to oblivion and get nothing but high fives around the clock for their trouble. They called these girls whores. I called them my friends and I for one would be proud to call them queer. Any bitch who refuses to cloister herself or take some lesser man's shit for simply enjoying to fuck is welcome in my tribe any day of the week.

And that's exactly what we are, a tribe. A stateless nation unto ourselves. We're a colony of freaks and perverts and cunts and misfit toys and we don't wanna be normal. Fuck normal. Normal is just Beaver-Cleaver-speak for fascist and we'll have none of it. We wont mind our manners or shave our legs or keep them shut. We wont seek your goddamn approval because, quite frankly, you haven't earned ours. Enjoy your fucking prison. We broke out and we're only coming back to free your kids. Be afraid, breeders, be very afraid. This is the dawn of a queer planet.

Peace, Love and Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* Little Bird By Annie Lennox
* New For You By Hinds
* Venus In Furs By The Velvet Underground
* My Girls By Animal Collective
* Trash By New York Dolls
* Do I Belong By The Hidden Cameras
* Rebel Rebel By David Bowie
* I Like Fucking By Bikini Kill
* Lunchbox By Marilyn Manson
* Credit In The Straight World By Hole