Monday, April 24, 2017

Courtney Didn't Do It!

In case you haven't noticed, I've kind of got a thing for conspiracy theories. Good ones. Bad ones. Real ones. Fake ones. That's not to say that I consider myself to be a conspiracy theorist, though I'm certain more than a few of my regular dearest motherfuckers probably disagree. I'm more of a conspiracy enthusiast or, as my late hero Gore Vidal once described himself, a conspiracy analyst. I have my doubts about the "official" story on a number of historical events. I don't buy that FDR was caught off guard by Pearl Harbor. I have trouble believing that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I'm pretty sure those Branch Davidians were murdered in Waco. And don't even get me started on the Middle East. But unlike most "theorists" I recognize that these beliefs are hypothesizes at best. We'll probably never have all the answers and, like a good little agnostic, I'm more or less cool with this.

On the other hand there are some conspiracy theories that I find downright infuriating. Big Foot is bullshit, the Holocaust fucking happened and Obama was born in America. But if there's one conspiracy theory that really gets under my skin and drives me up the fucking wall it's the asinine farce that Kurt Cobain was murdered by Courtney Love. I'm fully aware that this is far from the most repulsive falsehood, the Holocaust one probably gets that tainted honor, but it's the one that really burns my ass. Mostly because I adore both Kurt and Courtney and I can't seem to manage to have a single fucking conversation about either one of them without having to debunk that stupid fucking theory for the umpteenth time. So this year, which would have been Kurt's 50th, I've decided to finally put this shit to rest once and for all. But first things first, some personal explanations are due.

I've been a Nirvana fan forever but I didn't become a fanatic until their music helped me through the darkest chapter of my lifelong struggle with depression. There's only one band that I might love more (with a capital MIGHT) and that's Courtney Love's band Hole. Kurt's lyrics made me feel less alone and gave me the courage to survive the mess I made of my early twenties. Courtney's lyrics however made me feel empowered and gave me the courage to do more than just survive, with her candid tales of feminine empowerment and irreverent freak-show pride, Courtney Love's lyrics gave me the courage to persevere on my own damn terms. And Courtney, perhaps more than any other single person, gave me the metaphoric ovaries to kick down my closet door and taste the light of day as the queer, genderfuck, queen bitch you all know and fear. So, yeah, long story short, this is kind of fucking personal to me.

With that being said, lets go over what we know about the tragic death of Kurt Cobain. Kurt's final downward spiral began on the mourning of March 3, 1994. After taking a red-eye to Rome to join Kurt for the night while on tour with Nirvana, Courtney crashed in her husbands hotel room with some Valium only to wake up to find Kurt's lifeless body. He had downed a fist full of Rohypnol with a bottle of champagne in an apparent suicide attempt. He came back to life after twenty hours in a coma but in many ways Kurt was already gone. Over the next few weeks Kurt OD'd at least two more times. Courtney, who had long tolerated Kurt's addiction, finally put her foot down on March 25 with an intervention. Kurt was livid. In an attempt to strong arm her stubborn husband into recovery Courtney left Seattle alone for Los Angeles where she began an outpatient detox program at the Peninsula Hotel for her own lifelong addiction to prescription sedatives. The move seemed to work when Kurt joined Courtney in L.A. and checked into the nearby Exodus Recovery Center on the 30th. But unbeknownst to Courtney, that very day Kurt had his friend Dylan Carlson buy him a 20 gauge shotgun which he stashed at his Seattle mansion before hopping on the next flight out of town.

Kurt spent two days in rehab before jumping the fence and returning to Seattle. Courtney hired Hollywood P.I. Tom Grant to track her husband down. A decision only she would live to regret. After less than a week of bouncing around local flophouses and shooting galleries Kurt returned to his mansion where his body was discovered on April 8th by an electrician in the greenhouse above his garage. Dead from what the Seattle Police determined to be a self-inflicted shotgun wound.

But according to the conspiracy theorists, lets call them Kurt Truthers, they know better than the Seattle P.D.. They also know better than Kurt's own band mates, friends and family, many of whom had no love lost for Courtney but still had no trouble excepting the fact that the long troubled troubadour had taken his own life. In fact, pretty much the only person close to Kurt who couldn't except this fact was Courtney herself who asked Tom Grant to investigate the possibility of foul play. Once Courtney finally came to terms with what Kurt had done to himself and their family she stopped sending Grant checks for the biggest break of his pathetic existence and Grant got his petty revenge by spending the next two decades building a career out of blaming his former client for her own husbands tragic death. And it's this washed-up, fat-fuck, ex-pig with an ax to grind who has been largely responsible for generating the lion share of the Kurt Truther's so called evidence. Creating a veritable cottage industry out of telling tall-tales to dip-shit twats, Tom had finally found his calling in life, ruining Courtney's.

According to Grant and his little clan of Truthers, Courtney decided to have her husband killed before he could divorce her and cut her out of his will. Rather than taking the easiest route to achieving these means by simply hooking Kurt up with a hot-dose or just letting her husband OD on his own stash without reviving him with Narcan as she often did, Courtney sent Kurt to rehab then hired a hitman to hunt him down like a dog when he escaped, shot him full of dope, propped him upright in his greenhouse, jammed his own shotgun in his mouth and somehow blew his brains out without leaving so much as a trace of evidence. Oh yeah and Courtney managed to pay off the entire Seattle P.D. and she would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that meddling dirt-bag dick and his internet fan-club.

If this sounds like bush league horse-shit to you then congratulations you're officially an adult. But for all the children in the room, please allow me to pull the rug from under you so I can beat your monkey-asses with it until they leak blood. Kurt had struggled with crippling depression and chronic stomach pain his whole life. The latter of which was so severe that it had nearly caused him to starve to death. Heroin was the only thing that made his stomach pain tolerable and in spite of their tumultuous and at times downright unhealthy relationship Courtney and their daughter Frances Bean were the only people that gave Kurt any joy during his final days. Virtually everyone else had abandoned him over his use of narcotics. Kurt was terrified that Courtney would leave him. He had associated divorce with death ever since his parents split when he was nine. His suicide attempt in Rome was inspired by the fact that Courtney had merely contemplated cheating on him. And when Courtney threatened to leave Kurt at his intervention if he wouldn't give up the one thing that made his excruciating life livable, Kurt decided he had officially had enough. It was time to go.

Kurt killed himself. And he pulled that trigger for a lot of reasons but, as politically incorrect as this may be to say, Courtney Love and Heroin were the only things that kept him alive as long as he was. Kurt never found the source of his stomach pain but the last doctor he saw believed it was the product of a nerve pinched between his vertebrae due to untreated scoliosis. With its proximity to both the spine and the vagus nerve this likely made Kurt's problem virtually inoperable. This also would have made Kurt a prime candidate for Oxycontin or even Dr. Kevorkian if he had only stuck around for a couple more years. As Courtney had said during her public reading of her late husbands suicide note- "That Eighties tough love bullshit- it doesn't work. We all should have let him have his numbness. We should have let him have the thing that made him feel better, that made his stomach feel better, we should have let him have it instead of trying to strip away his skin." To this day Courtney seems to be the only one who gets this and it's precisely this kind of unabashed empathy that made Kurt along with Courtney's own devoted tribe of fans like myself fall in love with her and I just know from the bottom of my own burning nauseous stomach that Kurt would be disgusted if he knew that the same people who continue to senselessly crucify this person he loved for simply being a convenient scapegoat call themselves his fans. They're not. Just like the assholes he lampooned in "In Bloom" they like all his pretty songs and they like to sing along and they like to shoot their guns but they don't know what it means and they probably never will. So fuck them. And that's all I have left to say about that.

This ones for Kurt and Courtney. The best friends a freak like me could ever hope for.

And remember dearest motherfuckers, always remember, It's better to rise than fade away.




As always,

Peace, Love and Empathy- CH



Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* Negative Creep By Nirvana
* Pretty On The Inside By Hole
* Wave Of Mutilation By The Pixies
* On A Plain By Nirvana
* Violet By Hole
* Ever By Flipper
* In Bloom By Nirvana
* Reasons To Be Beautiful By Hole
* You're One By Imperial Teen





Saturday, April 8, 2017

Trump Is The New Hillary

Well it's official dearest motherfuckers, Donald Trump has become Hillary Clinton. With Thursday night's reckless and illegal assault on a Russian populated Syrian military base with 59 Tomahawk missiles, there is now officially zero sunlight between the two most repulsive candidates in the putrid history of this vile empire of sin and conquest. And to think just days ago the Donald was being crucified in a congressional witch hunt for passing on the one flavor of poisoned Kool-Aid that made him slightly less toxic than his opponent in the 2016 election, not to mention, persona non grata with the status quo. That is Russophobic Regime-Change Punch (TM). So what the fuck happened this week?

The simple answer is false flag. This Tuesday a village in Idlib Province called Khan Sheikhoun appears to have fallen victim to a deadly chemical attack claiming hundreds of writhing civilian casualties many of whom were young children. The American Government (TM) and their loyal cadres' in the mainstream media didn't even wait for the bodies to stop froffing before blaming the whole nasty atrocity on the government of Bashar Assad without so much as a lick of truth, not that that's ever stopped them before. But why would Assad launch such a foolishly senseless and polarizing crime against humanity when, after years on the brink of destruction, he has finally all but won his war against ISIS and Al-Qaeda. He had even managed to get the tacit support of the Trump Administration, who had stated their intention to drop regime change from their agenda in Syria just days before the attack. There is absolutely zero logical sense in such an attack, that is unless Assad isn't guilty.

We've seen this story before, after the August 2013 sarin gas attacks outside of Damascus. These attacks, originally blamed on Assad, were ultimately proven to be the work of Turkish backed Islamist rebels by veteran investigative journalist Seymour Hersh and members of the UN. The very same rebels currently occupying Idlib Provence. The common narrative about these attacks and then President Obama's response goes something like this. Obama foolishly drew a red line stating that the US would only launch a direct attack against the Syrian government if chemical weapons were used. Chemical weapons were used, but Obama pulled out of the attack at the last minute with some unexpected help from Vladimir Putin. I never fucking bought this.

My theory has always been that Obama very consciously and very loudly drew his red line at a time when, like today, the rebels were getting their fucking asses kicked. I believe Obama did this with the full expectation and possible knowledge that one of the desperate rebel groups, who the CIA was fully aware possessed such chemical weapons capabilities, would cross said red line, frame the Syrian Military and give Obama the excuse he needed to sack Assad without the risk of being labeled Bush 2.0 by a war weary public. Obama showed every intention of acting unilaterally before Putin sabotaged his war plans by brokering a UN peace deal that would and did destroy Assad's obsolete chemical weapons stash. The deal proved popular with the international community leaving Obama with no other choice but to sign onto this deal too in order to save face. But Putin's crafty monkey-wrenching did irreparable damage to Obama's image and ego and I believe this convinced him to sign off on the equally reckless anti-Russian coup in Ukraine as a kind of petty revenge but that's another story for another post.

The situation with Trump is very different. While always a passionate supporter of killing Muslims, Trump made his willingness to collaborate with Putin in Syria the backbone of his foreign policy stance in 2016. While Trump may be a pathological liar, I believe these intentions were genuine. They were too dangerously unpopular with the system not to be. However members of his own team didn't share this view. I believe some of these characters were pushed on Trump by some of his more powerful and neocon-ish sponsors with the hope of convincing the Donald to change his Kremlin ways. When efforts to do this by leaking embarrassing and misleading intelligence on Donald's practically non-existent relationship with Putin's Russia failed, the deep state settled on sabotage.

Just days before the chemical attacks, Islamist rebel leaders indicated that the CIA had reopened their arms supply lines. Around the same time US Ambassador to the UN and raging Russophobe Nikki Haley also made statements that contradicted those made by Secretary of State Rex Tillerson days earlier, reassuring America's flunkee states that the US remained committed to overthrowing Assad. This was clearly an administration divided. This was made all the more clear by the sacking of Trump's realist Rasputin Steve Bannon. The only thing left to do was appeal to Trump's grotesque ego by providing him with the perfect opportunity to prove he's a bigger bad-ass than his arch nemesis Obama who had just recently been revealed to have been spying on Trump's people for at least a year through his amoral National Security Adviser Susan Rice (coincidence?).

This was done by reenacting the scene of Obama's greatest fumble, the red line crossing gas attacks, with a little help from our head-chopping rebel friends. Trump, ever the reactionary, couldn't help himself. Without thinking twice he wiped his ass with his own foreign policy doctrine, stripped buck-naked and dove headfirst into Clintonian nation building. Exposing himself for the dumb-fuck, hypocritical, pig-fucker that he's always been.

So here we are now. Once again on the brink of World War fucking 3. And for the first time since November, the system is in perfect fucking harmony. With Trump's former enemies gathering around their prodigal son to sing Kumbaya over the fuming wreckage of America's latest war crime. It turns out the election really didn't fucking matter after all. The war state always gets it's way. One way or another.

Enjoy your apocalypse dearest motherfuckers. This weary antiwarrior is once again hunting for apartments in Reykjavik.




Peace, Love and Empathy- CH



Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* You've Got Time By Regina Spektor
* Wardance By Killing Joke
* Waiting Room By Fugazi
* Let's Have A War By Fear
* Ex Lion Tamer By Wire
* My War By Black Flag
* Motorcrash By The Sugarcubes

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Who Really Killed The Truth?

Is truth dead? That was the question in bold red script against a stark black backdrop on the cover of last weeks Time Magazine. A reference to an iconic story that graced the rag back when it was still relevant enough to do anything iconic, over half a century ago. The article inside was pretty standard boilerplate for partisan liberal Trump-bashing. The kind of clueless, class-def, hatchet job that's become so routine over the last couple months that its downright boring. Not that it was altogether untrue. Their basic argument, that the Donald has ushered in a new era of unprecedented dishonesty, carries a grain of truth to it.

While America has had its share of dishonest presidents, from LBJ shooting at goddamn whales in the Gulf of Tonkin to Slick Willy redefining what the definition of is is, perhaps none have been as shamelessly brazen with their bullshit as Mr. Trump who's whoppers sound almost intentionally absurd. Like they were written for some long forgotten Monty Python skit deemed too ridiculous even for British consumption. Roaming packs of Hillary voting illegals. Small town massacres covered up by the same tabloid vultures who spin every mass shooting into prime time gold. Toaster ovens wired for sound by retired Indo-Kenyan usurpers (that's what Susan Rice is for). It all sounds like the rantings of a madman and I suppose it is.

I wont argue for a second that our current president doesn't give pathological liars a bad name. Somewhere in a dusty Nevada prison cell Donald's old golfing buddy O.J. Simpson is smacking his shiny forehead and yelping at a tiny see-through TV set "You cant fucking say that!" No, where Time and the rest of their ilk in the mainstream media fly off the rails and deep up their own assholes is when they throw their hands in the air and ask "Who killed the truth?" Like they don't already know. It makes me want to grab them by their starched white collars and scream at the top off my lungs- YOU DID YOU FUCKING CUNTS! Not Trump. Not Breitbart. Not Putin. But YOU! The self-fellating liberal lions of that sinking ship known as the Fourth Estate! You birthed this bastard child known as 'Fake News' when you traded in your objectivity for access during the Persian Gulf War and its all been one great big slide into the Trumpy abyss ever sense.

These, these hollowed crusaders for truth, the heirs of Woodward and Bernstein now battling the ferocious Kraken called Trumpizmo, these are the same god forsaken bastards who told us that Iraqi troops were gleefully pulling the plug on Kuwaiti newborns just for kicks and giggles. These are the bastards who warned us about a genocide in Kosovo that didn't actually begin until after the NATO bombing they promised would stop it. These are the bastards who told us that Saddam Hussein was armed to the teeth with weapons of mass destruction and was ready to sell them to the next Mohammed Atta. These are the bastards who told us tall tales of Libyan rape squads who had to be stopped even if we had to use Al-Qaeda to do it. These are the bastards who continue to insist that Ukraine is in the throws of a Russian invasion which, like Santa Claus, can only be seen with the eyes of those children who truly and blindly believe. And these are the fucking bastards who have devoted every resource at their disposal and every fucking second of every fucking day since November to a desperate crusade to prove that Trump's victory over their precious darling Killary was the product of an insanely Byzantine-esque Kremlin conspiracy that would leave David Icke tongue tied and perplexed. All without providing so much as a fucking speck of verifiable proof. These are the bastards who killed the truth.

And now these deluded and discredited primadonnas have the fucking nerve to wag their bony fingers at the American people for not knowing who to fucking believe. The testicles on these motherless creeps must be the size of goddamn exercise balls. Where do you sperm guzzling cock holsters think Trump learned his fucking tricks from. He is one of you after all. A "media personality" who you shamelessly egged on for ratings until it became horrifically clear that you created a fucking monster. And now you wanna play fucking Van Helsing by slaying your own Frankenstein beast with even more goddamn lies. Well I say, with all disrespect, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Trump may be a sickening, double-dealing, serial-groping, race-baiting, war-mongering and, yes, lying pile of human excrement but your worse, You made him possible and Karma is gunning for you in the form of unemployment. See you in the well-fare lines cocksuckers. I'll be the one shouting I told you so with a big fucking grin on my fat face.

Goddamn the Fourth Estate, dearest motherfuckers, and long live the Fifth. You wont find any fake news here. Not while this tranny bitch has two fists to swing.



Peace, Love and Fury- CH



Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* Lawyers, Guns and Money By Warren Zevon
* Liar By Rollins Band
* I Think I Would Die By Hole
* Pretty Vacant By The Sex Pistols
* Candy Sam By Ty Segall
* 100% By Sonic Youth
* Panic By The Smiths
* Radio Radio By Elvis Costello
* See No Evil By Television