I despised Donald Trump long before he became a lumpy soapbox for self-congratulating neoliberals to virtue signal on. In fact, I hated that miserable cunt back when he was still financing the campaigns of said self-congratulating neoliberals.
Long before Donald Trump became billed as the perennial threat to liberal democracy, he was a race bating slumlord, gentrifying New York into a Disneyfied yuppie playground then parlaying the relationships he built with DNC swamp monsters at Jeffrey Eppstein's underage orgies into an even more lucrative career as a Chapter 11 flaunting corporate welfare queen, dismembering Atlantic City with eminent domain and grotesque casinos too big to fail.
Far from being the antithesis of liberal democracy, this lecherous scum puddle packed into a suit is the byproduct of its pollution and I have a bit of a hard time listening to its scions bitching because he bit the hand that feeds.
It's not that I don't recognize the threat that beast poses to anything remotely resembling individual liberty, it's just that I fail to see what makes his brand of blunt force fascism any more destructive than what his opponents wield behind a rainbow curtain.
After all, last time I checked, Barack Obama deported more migrants, built more prisons, and shredded more pages of the Constitution than two Trumps sown together, and he did it all with a benevolent poker face that earned him a Nobel Peace Prize while he murdered brown babies with drone strikes in Pakistan. But, somehow, none of that was an existential threat to democracy.
That's because Democrats and neocons don't give a flying fuck about democracy. What they care about is empire or more specifically, dressing empire in the festive drag of democracy. And it is this carefully choreographed charade that Trump is a threat to because his pathological pomposity pushes him to lead this death star we call a republic like Caligula in bronzer. The only thing particularly exceptional about Trump's last four-year tirade in the White House was the messy ineptitude that defined it. This is the only reason why Washington insiders cringe at the possibility of a second term for Orange-Man-Stupid.
While the deep state uses its economic clout to quietly harass the European members of NATO into allowing tanks in the Louvre parking lot, Trump crashes into Brussels with his fly down and his filthy little hand out, barking "Where's the money, Frenchy!"
While the deep state prefers to discreetly shuffle migrant children from one police state depot to another in the dead of night, Trump screams racist obscenities and turns Obama-built concentration camps into highly publicized human zoos.
While the deep state uses the fine print on peace deals to carefully police the half-hearted nuclear ambitions of Israel's rivals, Trump unilaterally rips them up and offers up Jerusalem like a pudding while the rest of the neighborhood plots revenge.
This is the real reason why the Donald is so despised by his fellow swamp critters, he's a pathologically unhinged glutton who makes the most exceptional empire in the history of mankind look like a grubby crew cut from The Sopranos for wearing too many gold medallions over their blood-soaked tracksuits. This is also the reason why this Gambino clown show actually frightens me less than most of his rivals and I'm a goddamn genderqueer rape survivor living on the rural fringe of a fucking swing state.
However, after four years of the Democratic Party's grand restoration of imperial order, I remain as endangered and marginalized as I did under Orange-Man-Stupid, and I'm supposed to vote for a tranny bashing cop like Kamala to save me from the knuckle-draggers at MAGA inc. Kiss my Queer ass.
And I know what you're going to say to scare the living vote out of me. "Project 2025 is coming! Project 2025 is coming!" Let me tell you something about Project 2025. The Big Bad Wolf in this admittedly nefarious plot by the Heritage Foundation to "institutionalize Trumpism" is Schedule F, an executive order that could hypothetically allow the president to fire as many as 50,000 members of the federal bureaucracy and replace them with Bible flinging zealots. But presidents already have the ability to make 4,000 political appointments and Donald Trump couldn't even do that in four years.
In fact, Orange-Man-Stupid couldn't seem to stop firing his own pea-brained flunkies for not licking his unwashed taint in the style he had become accustomed to. If this motherfucker ever actually got his shit together long enough to restaff the federal government, that racist colossus would become so clogged with pro-wrestlers and Proud Boys that it would cease to function, which means the FBI might miss its quota for framing Muslim kids online and demonizing sex workers as human traffickers.
Oh, the humanity, someone please send me a savior! I'll vote for anything to save me from the threat of a government that hates me in chaos!
Of course, there are still plenty of good reasons to be terrified of Donald Trump. His plans to further militarize ICE and the Border Patrol to carry out the largest mass deportation since Josef Stalin is a massive injection of steroids to the police state's buttocks that could easily threaten all of us and God knows if Tom Cotton gets within arm's reach of the Button, we're all as good as vapor.
However, in accordance with America's national sickness known as the lesser of two evils, Donald Trump, in all his grotesque glory, still looks like a lesser to me when compared to his prim and proper alternative. I made a similarly sacrilegious argument way back in 2016 when it was Donald V. Hillary with something that I like to call the Multiple Miggs Defense in reference to the horror classic, Silence of the Lambs.
Upon her arrival to Dr. Frederick Chilton's insane asylum in Baltimore, Special Agent Clarice Starling found herself face to face with a bevy of monsters but two stood out from the rest. The first, Multiple Miggs, a semen flinging madman climbing the bars and belching crude expletives. The second, Hannibal Lecter, a neat, polite, and almost impossibly still gentleman with something terrifying sparkling just behind his glassy eyes.
If you were to ask Clarice upon her first encounter with these creatures, she would likely declare Hannibal to be the lesser evil, especially after he gently convinces Miggs to swallow his own tongue after becoming insulted by his lack of decorum towards their guest. But Clarice would be dead wrong. The question here isn't which candidate is less gross than the other, it's who you would rather have manning a fucking battleship, an unhinged rapist like Multiple Miggs or a formidable sociopath with elaborate elocution like Doctor Lecter.
In 2012, Hillary felt like a clear stand-in for Lecter with her long record of manipulating rapacious imbeciles like her own husband into destabilizing the planet with massive war crimes. In 2024, Donald Trump is still very much Multiple Miggs, but Kamala Harris is much more like the snide and sinister Dr. Frederick Chilton, a vain and transparent civil servant with delusions of grandeur who has no lasting values and is completely unburdened by what has been.
Under these circumstances, who do you honestly think is more capable of navigating the Byzantinesque architecture of American power? Who do you think is more likely to allow themselves to be used as a glorified vessel by the fascist bureaucrats who actually know how to run this thing designed to compartmentalize a superstate built for genocide and slavery?
I'm sorry, dearest motherfuckers, but everything that I have learned from Antonio Gramsci, Niccolo Machiavelli, and Critical Race Theory tells me that Kamala is more dangerous to humanity than Trump.
I can just hear my progressive colleagues shouting from their peanut galleries with blood vessels bursting in their eyes, "She's mad! She's sick!" And I would readily concur with this conclusion if I actually bought into the Faustian cabaret that is the lesser of two evils. Only in a system this morally depraved would a semen slinging Nazi orangutan become a moral option for validation.
Which is the other reason why I don't tremble in fear before the looming shadow of Orange-Man-Stupid. Because I tremble in fear before the looming shadow of the fraudulent democracy we are being compelled to protect from him.
Any system that could produce a creature as foul as Donald Trump and then allow just one lunatic the ability to abuse so many people for four years straight is not a democracy, and I refuse to vote for anyone who does not explicitly promise to dismantle such a machine.
Peace, Love, & Empathy- Nicky/CH
Soundtrack: Songs that influenced this post
* Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon
* Up the Wolves by the Mountain Goats
* The Denial Twist by the White Stripes
* Psycho Killer by Talking Heads
* Mistress by Red House Painters
* Goodbye Horses by Lazarus Q
* I Wanna Be Your Dog by the Stooges
* Drain You by Nirvana
* Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson
* Excitable Boy by Warren Zevon
