The Orange Menace Rises

What foul, orange beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Washington? A creature far too repulsive to be deserving of a human name. A creature they call Trump. Posing, posturing, lips twisted in knots, twisted and flexed, teeth gnashing violently, chewing up the English language and spitting it back out like acid, eyes squinting, mincing, head slung over shoulders like a vulture eyeing its tender prey, skin burnt and stained the color of nicotine, mangled hair shellacked against skull like a calcified ginger merkin caked in dry semen, arms stiff, slicing through the air violently like the claws of a mantis, reaching out blindly for the throat of another doomed lover, it's words make little sense, it's words are not words, it doesn't speak, it barks, it yelps, it squeals, it demands attention, it won't be deprived, it will not be ignored.

I find myself asking, in this dark, witching hour, is this it? Is this how it ends? With the racist rantings of a mutated, Wall Street rodeo clown. Could this really be the fabled decline of western civilization forecast by everyone from Marx to Spengler? And if it is, why am I the only one terrified? Why is the whole world laughing?

I desperately, desperately, wanted to avoid this subject but I can't stay silent anymore. This spectacle called Trump has become far to dangerous to ignore. I don't fear the creature itself. A sad, worthless freak, the product of morally derelict oligarchs and sadomasochistic boarding school rituals, the kind of beast that could only be spawned by the one percent, damned with enough money to fail forever without repercussions, a thing so devoid of basic humanity it can only survive in a delusional fantasy world of ego-maniacal self worship. No, I don't fear Trump the "man", if you can call it that. I fear Trump the spectacle, a mob of bloodthirsty, runaway sheeple, turned rabid by the fevered dream of nationalist revival and revenge against a race of stateless peasants, made convenient scapegoats for the self inflicted wounds of a bankrupt civilization in decline.

It wasn't so long ago that another supposed democracy fell victim to a similar hysteria. Wiemar Germany like America was a humiliated empire bled dry by years of reckless warfare, gripping on to the last vestiges of liberalism before falling under the spell of a cruel, bombastic, buffoon offering the empty promise of conquest at the expense of a demonized race of deemed outsiders. No one took his rants seriously either except his fanatical followers, who had the last laugh beneath overcast skies, dyed black with the ashes of there state prescribed enemies. By then it was too late. By the time the joke was over millions lay dead.

Maybe I'm being over dramatic. I pray to Christ that I am. That we'll all awake from this national nightmare before the first leaves of autumn descend upon us but as the crowds grow and the polls climb and the media refuses to take there little monster seriously, a deep, dark feeling swirls inside me like the terror that originally drove me to the agoraphobic prison of my early-mid twenties and I can't turn my back on the history books that kept me sane during those dark years.

I can't force myself to forget the scientific fact that all empires by nature, crumble and fall. And this traditionally comes about in only one of two ways, revolution or dictatorship. If a populace remains alert, educated and engaged, revolution becomes a solution to catastrophe. But if a populace becomes complacent, ignorant and indifferent, totalitarianism becomes inevitable and catastrophe is sure to follow.

In a nation wallowing in the self indulgence of reality television, social media and consumer electronics, you can forgive me for having serious reservations that America will rediscover its revolutionary roots and go the way of Thomas Paine.

It pains every last fiber of my being to type this but it seems to me much more likely that your average American would prefer the convenience of suicide by fuhrer to the hard work that goes into fostering a true revolutionary renaissance.

Being the anti-statist, libertarian Marxist that I am, I never thought I'd hear myself speak these words but pray for America dearest motherfuckers and stand by our Mexican neighbors. If the Trump's of this world win we'll all be Mexicans soon.

Forget Radical Islam, Fight Wahhabism!

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My Shit List

In case you folks haven't noticed, I tend to be a pretty angry son of a bitch. I don't know if its the Lyme Disease or just the Irish thing but for whatever reason I have the unfortunate tendency of being frequently pissed off by the world around me. Some might even venture so far as to call me a troll, which is one post-modern label I reject entirely. A troll is an angry bitch who hides behind a computer screen. I maybe an angry bitch but I'm not fucking hiding from anyone. My name is Nick fucking Reid and I am an unapologetic, jobless, head case, living with my parents in Central Pennsylvania. You might say I'm kind of a loser, personally, I prefer work in progress but I'm no fucking troll. With that being said, my anger does get the best of me from time to time and when this inevitably happens I usually resort to writing a shit list. A list of all the people who really fucking burn my ass. As much as I'd love to take credit for this nifty little idea, the real credit belongs to criminally underrated Grunge goddesses L7, who penned one of my all time favorite songs called, you guessed it, Shit List. I'd drone on further but the lyrics put it better than I ever could.

              "When I get mad and I get pissed, I take out my pen and write me a list,
                of all you assholes who wont be missed, YOU MADE MY SHIT LIST!"

So without further ado, dearest motherfuckers, I bring you fourteen assholes who definitely wont be missed, here is my latest shit list (in no particular order).

* MICHAEL MOORE- I actually used to love this fellow socialist fat fuck until he copped an ego, sold out and turned into another pussy, partisan, liberal mouth piece for the DNC. Mike began his descent into unforgivable dickdom when he went with the lily liberal cool crowd and stabbed his old buddy Ralph Nader in the fucking back for costing neoliberal heart throb, Al Gore a presidency he had no trouble blowing himself by being an unelectable wet noodle but Mr. Moore's worst crime was his repulsive choice for a replacement candidate in 2004, none other then General Wesley Clark, The deranged war monger behind the savage bombing of Kosovo in '99 not to mention his insane attempt to attack Russian peacekeeping forces at Pristina International Airport. An act that could have started World War 3 if the Brits hadn't refused to follow his deranged orders. And this is Michael's choice alternative for Nader? A repent-less war criminal who undoubtedly would have face the noose at Nuremberg. Fuck Micheal Moore, fucking sell out.

* HAIM SABAN- The only thing worse then Killary Clinton is her puppet master, a billionaire media mogul, openly devoted to brainwashing America into unblinking subservience to his own personal brand of genocidal super Zionism. No one has put more time and money into Killaries presidential campaigns then good old Haim, who even went so far as to threaten to de-fund Botox queen, Nancy Pelosi for even suggesting that Democratic Super-delegates  should respect the parties popular vote and support Obama in the 2008 presidential election. Saban is proof positive that dirty, bloody money infects both major parties equally and that racism (AKA Zionism) isn't a strictly Republican ailment. Fuck Haim Saban. I'll be ready for Killary when I'm six feet under.

* AL SHARPTON- A permed out, snappy dressing, ambulance chasing, self serving huckster who made a name for himself riding the coat tails of the Civil Rights Movement and photo bombing every black tragedy in wobbling distance of a Cinnabon. Al Sharpton is the definition of a charlatan, so it came as little surprise to learn the newly anorexic Al Sharpton had a second career as an FBI snitch, selling out his own people for a profit and it came as even less of a surprise that he became Obama's official mouth piece to black America, sent to pacify there rage over Barry's total indifference to there suffering and bottle it for the next election. Fuck Al Sharpton, fucking MSNBC circus barker.

* TOM GRANT- Most people are unfamiliar with this two bit ass wipe so I'll fill you in. In late march of '94 Kurt Cobain checked into the Exodus Recovery Center in Los Angeles for his crippling heroin addiction on the insistence of his friends and family, only to hop the fence and head home to Seattle. Desperate and tired of the polices foot dragging, Kurt's wife Courtney Love, who was going through detox herself in LA, hired private investigator Tom Grant to track down her self destructive husband before it was to late. Not only did Grant fail to find Kurt alive, he failed to even find his body at his and Courtney's Seattle home, leaving it to be discovered by an electrician, long after he had tragically taken his own life. While the world wept and mourned the loss of one of it's most precious souls, lifelong loser gumshoe Tom Grant saw opportunity in tragedy. Tom saw an opportunity for his fifteen minutes of fame and hopped aboard the sexist, Courtney bashing, bandwagon and began telling any moron who would listen that Courtney killed her beloved and troubled husband. Over twenty years later this parasitic clump of human shit is still eking out a meager living on tabloid paperbacks and Z grade conspiracy docs vilifying one of my heroes by blaming her for the suicide of another one of my heroes. For this crime that loser prick will always be a permanent fixture on my shit list. Fuck you, Tom Grant. Burn in hell and go fuck yourself in half while your down there.

* SHELDON ADELSON- Disgusting doesn't even begin to describe this racist, casino billionaire, Republican king maker. Adelson has dumped hundreds of millions of dollars into putting spineless neocon bootlickers like Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush into power and you better fucking believe he expects to be paid back for his trouble, preferably with the corpses of dead Palestinian children, Sheldon's currency of choice. I don't think I've ever seen a more despicable display of plutocratic perversion then the latest Republican Jewish Coalition spring meeting at Mr. Adelson's Venetian Casino in Las Vegas, where GOP presidential hopeful after GOP presidential hopeful patiently waited in line to suck Sheldon's slimy cock as he roosted, luxuriously atop his thrown of blood speckled cash. Fuck Sheldon Adelson and his parade of putrid sluts.

* SPIKE LEE- Much like his fellow shit lister, Michael Moore, Spike Lee was once a brilliant and socially responsible director who has, sadly, spent the lion share of the last decade or so accusing talented directors like Quentin Tarantino of racism for making daring cinema and slinging overpriced, child slave made sneakers for the likes of Nike and Converse and as if that wasn't enough, the icing on the shit cake, Lee had to take a steaming dump on cinephiles everywhere by making a lazy, idiotic, Americanized remake of Korean maestro Park Chan Wok's masterpiece, Oldboy. Jesus fucking Christ, Spike! How did you go from Do The Right Thing to this? Fuck you.

* HULK HOGAN- Confession time; I'm a lifelong wrestling fan, I know, I know, I'm a hick, fuck you. I grew up on wrestling, so growing up, a lot of my heroes were wrestlers, intense, gritty, never say die types like Bret Hart, Jake the Snake, Raven, Mick Foley and Tommy Dreamer. They weren't always perfect. They weren't always good guys. They were complicated, flawed and tortured motherfuckers and that's why I loved them and that's why I despise Hulk Hogan, the epitome of everything that's wrong with wrestling, a phony, shallow, jingoistic, walking marketing campaign for Reaganomics that can't wrestle to save his life. A two faced hypocrite, barking say your prayers and eat your vitamins while he fucks floozy's, shoots up steroids and and stabs half the fucking locker room in the back as he bleeds the company dry with his hedonistic contracts and now, surprise, surprise, it turns out the Hulksters a fucking racist, going apeshit over the very thought of his precious Aryan Amazon daughter being defiled by her black boy toy. Fuck Hulk Hogan and fuck all the little Hulkamaniacs at home who refuse to grow up and realize there heroes a lie. Oh yeah, and EC fucking W! For life.

* RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN- All hail the new sultan of Turkey! A psychopathic, mass murdering, despot, hell bent on reviving the putrid Ottoman Empire by any means necessary. This fascist genocide denier who puts the dick in dictator first creeped on my shit list years ago by bankrolling large portions of the jihadist uprising in the former Ottoman territory of Syria, aiding his NATO pals back here in the States by turning a minor insurrection into a gory civil war that paved the way for the rise of ISIS, who Erdogan quickly saw fit to receive his little empires covert aid and assistance. Why? Well, aside from being a dick of coarse, because Syria's own dictator, Bashar al-Assad dared to give refuge and support to Turkey's long oppressed Kurds. When Erdogan's latest plan to fuck the Kurds backfired and the PKK and YPG began kicking his Wahabist puppets collective asses, old Recep cooked up a new plan. Have his boys in ISIS bomb a rally being held by one of his numerous political enemies then use the resulting tragedy to declare war on terrorism in general, drop a few bombs on ISIS then use the rest to slaughter the PKK and YPG (recognized by Turkey as terrorists) and exploit the inevitable wartime patriotism of a still revanchist populace in order to get the parliamentary supremacy necessary to eviscerate the constitution and secure his hard earned place as sultan of slaughter. And It looks like this twisted fuck may have actually pulled it off, even managing to get the green light from NATO to finally ethnically cleanse the one population capable of taking ISIS to the woodshed but then again, ISIS was never really the true target anyway and America's never had a problem with fucking over the Kurds. So Erdogan's got his bloody fucking war but if he expects the Kurds to roll over, he doesn't no dick about history. Fuck Erdogan. Fuck the new Ottoman empire and power to the PKK and YPG! That's right you NSA/FBI bitches, I said it. Come and get me.

* DR. DREW PINSKY- Pinsky is kind of like Dr. Phil, only worse because he's actually a real doctor, exploiting his sick patients for fame and fortune and the good doctor has built quite the little media empire of his borderline Mengele grade medical ethics with books, radio, talk shows and some of the most despicable snuff television to ever infect the airwaves. Doctor Drew first hit serious pay dirt with Celebrity Rehab, where he put together a smattering of damaged has bins and cruelly poked and prodded them into making riveting television, often at the expense of there already fragile sanity. Six seasons and five bodies later, Dr. Drew got bored of torturing adults and decided to give children a try, creating a new genre of kiddie prego porn with 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom where he shamelessly exploits a bevy of poor, white trash, knocked up teen girls before tossing them and there offspring aside, carelessly, leaving the mothers to pursue careers in the big leagues of mainstream pornography and there progeny to become the subjects of his next reality TV abortion, Tortured Toddler Rehab with Dr. Drew. Fuck you, Pinsky, you twisted fucking freak.

* GEORGE SOROS- Every progressive wonk's favorite billionaire sugar daddy in reality is just another amoral corporate scumbag. Never mind the sleazy currency speculation. Forget about the insider trading conviction. Soros' dirtiest vice is his addiction to subverting and perverting democracy with his bottomless fortune. Beginning in the late '70s, Soros began dumping millions into building opposition groups in the Warsaw Pact. This tree of tyranny finally bore fruit with the phony, anti-communist revolutions of 1989 when Soros' private armies took advantage of social discontent in Central and Eastern Europe and overthrew the tyranny of crony communism and replaced it with the much more profitable tyranny of crony capitalism and you better fucking believe papa George got a taste of the action. Decades later the success of this experiment in nation building can be gauged by the depressing fact that the majority of people polled in these "free" nations preferred life under the boot of the secret police, where at least they didn't freeze and starve to death and they could let there kids walk to and from school without worrying if they will be sold into sexual slavery. Thanks George. But the fucker wasn't done yet, not by a long shot. Once this liberal vulture got hooked on intervention he couldn't get enough. Baby needs his fix. So Soros kept up the campaign by helping the State Department ignite the so called Color Revolutions (read my anti-NATO manifesto below) in order to open up new market opportunities in the former Soviet Union. And that's not all folks! George has also thrown his cash behind Turkish occupied Northern Cyprus (because the Greeks haven't been raped enough, apparently) and the organ harvesting gangster state of Kosovo and then, of coarse, there's George's unwavering support for Nazi occupied Ukraine (once again, read my anti-NATO manifesto) but hey, all in a days work for America's hippest oligarch, right? Fucking crook! Say what you want about the Koch Brothers but at least they stick to perverting there own fucking democracy. George Soros has the appetite of a bigger junkie. George Soros needs to fuck the whole world to get off. Well, fuck George Soros and his fucking hipster fan club.

* KRIS JENNER/KARDASHIAN- There's a lot of people to blame for the cultural black hole that is the Kardashian's, E!, Seacrest, the tabloids, God, but as far as I'm concerned the lion share of the blame goes to that toxic clan's matriarch Kris, a star fucking, husband hopping, plastic surgery disaster who shamelessly pimps out her own offspring to quench her vampiric thirst for publicity. No wonder her kids are all vapid, self centered snobs, it runs in the fucking family. Fuck the whole lot of them but fuck Kris most of all.

* BENJAMIN NETANYAHU- Israel's psychopathic Fuhrer is quite possibly the most dangerous leader on Earth, let alone the Middle East. A pitiless racial supremacist, hell bent on turning the Yankee rump state of Israel into a world superpower in its own right, no matter how many bodies he has to bury in the desert to get what he wants and Bi Bi always gets what he wants. The Ayatollah aint got shit on Netanyahu. The Walter White of Middle Eastern carnage, brilliant, manipulative, conniving and more then anything, relentless. Bi Bi knows how to play the game. Turning country against country. Manipulating established superpowers like Golems to do his bidding. Lying to the world through clenched teeth. Accusing his neighbors of possessing the same doomsday devices he stockpiles in his basement. Ethnically cleansing the open air prison of Gaza. Slaughtering women and children with a smile on his face and using the grotesque specter of the Holocaust to justify his own Final Solution. Bi Bi desecrates the memory of those seven million butchered souls every time he uses that tragedy to justify his unspeakable cruelty. Goddamn Benjamin Netanyahu and the disgusting factory of death that heretics like him have turned Israel into. Fuck you Bi Bi. You aren't no man of God.

* BILL MAHER- The smug Pied Piper of neoliberal bigotry. Bill Maher is part of a sickening new trend of ego drunk atheists who confuse theistic skepticism with full blown racism and Bill is most definitely a fucking racist. His virulent anti-Arab Islamaphobia puts Fox News to shame and his Apostolic Atheism gives Pat Roberts a run for his money in the know it all fundamentalist department. But bill swears and smokes dope so he must be cool right? Wrong. Bill Maher is nothing but a sad, empty, egotistical, racist shock jock just like the ones he makes a living mocking. Fuck Bill Maher, elitist snob.

* DICK CHENEY- And what shit list would be complete without the lord of darkness himself. A man so evil that his bloated cesspool of a body cant sustain a human heart. I could literally go on for years about why this sick fuck is the human personification of Satan but my main beef with this semi retired warmonger now is the simple fact that he wont fucking die. Everybody else dies, My Grandfather, My Grandmother, My favorite Uncle, Lou Reed, Hugo Chavez, all my fucking heroes but this geriatric monster wont fucking die. He could have fifty goddamn heart attacks a week and still be camera ready to tell us all on the Sunday morning talk shows how just a little more war would fix all the problems his kind created for this wretched planet. Fuck you most of all Dick Cheney and in the name of God, please, please, please do us all a big goddamn favor and go back home to hell were you belong.

So there you have it folks, my shit list. Fourteen god forsaken human garbage dumps who make my fucking blood boil. I hope your all thoroughly offended by my crass and reckless display of foul, literate agit-prop but I also hope you've had a laugh or two at the expense of my mortal enemies. After all, what better way to strip the powerful of there power then by exposing them for the sick jokes they really are and if your pissed that your favorite piece of shit to hate didn't make the cut, buck up and be patient. I'll get them next time around. This isn't my first shit list and it sure as fuck wont be my last.

Stay angry, dearest motherfuckers, stay angry.

P.S. If there really are any government spooks out there, reading this, calm the fuck down. A shit list isn't a hit list. Unlike you cowards, I don't believe in premeditated violence. That's your game (Waco anybody?). My blog is my weapon.

P.P.S. As long as where on the lingering subject of violence, I might as well clear the air on my support for the Kurdistan Worker's Party. While I strongly support the PKK's cause, I do not support all of there tactics. I do not condone violence against civilians for any reason and even though these acts only represent the misguided rage of a rogue minority within the group, it is the responsibility of the supporters of revolution, first and foremost, to decry such callous and counter revolutionary acts, otherwise nothing separates us from the tyrants we fight. With that being said, I steadfastly stand by my support for the PKK and the YPG for the same reason I stand by my support for the rebels of Novorossiya, because there the only force standing between there people and whole sale slaughter.

P.P.P.S. Just fucking with you, that's it, thanks for reading.

Godspeed Jon Stewart

One of the main reasons I started writing this blog was to cover the stories the mainstream ignores. To buck the system, slaughter the sacred cows and by all means avoid jumping on the meandering bandwagons of the zeitgeist but this week I'm compelled to join the masses, whom I usually despise, to bid farewell to a dear old friend who's spent the last 17 years giving my TV set meaning. I talk of coarse of Jon Stewart.

By and large, people, most people, are like sheep. They dutifully do as there told by there corporate masters. They listen to the music there told to listen to. They read the books there told to read, that is if they read at all and they watch the movies and TV shows there told to watch and are somehow content with this banal existence, leaving the rest of us in the minority to tinker angrily and occasionally gleefully in the grimy expanse of the underground with our tattered rags and tinfoil hats and alone we dance, naked and free in the shelter of the subcultures we foster in the shadows of the herd.

But once, every so often, something truly amazing happens. Something or someone springs forth from the shadows of the underground into the mainstream and creates an unbreakable bridge between these two worlds. Something so undeniably brilliant that even the sheep take notice and join our dance, leaving there crooked shepherds powerless to stop it.

This happened in 1991, when Nirvana released Nevermind. It didn't matter if you were a punk or a jock, a queer or a breeder, if you were alive at that point or after, you bought that album. You bought the ticket and took the ride and together we were heavy. That unifying A-HA! moment doesn't come very often but when it does its beautiful. My generations greatest A-HA! moment was discovering The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It didn't matter if you were political or apathetic or liberal or conservative or even a bitter Anarxist like myself. We all came together to buy that ticket and take the ride and what a fucking ride it was. It makes that childish part of your soul wish it never had to end but all truly beautiful, heavy things must come to an end.

As I wright this, its been less then 72 hours since the last episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart aired and it still doesn't feel fucking real. Please pinch me Jesus, I don't want to be awake. It had everything we have come to expect from The Daily Show, including appearances from all of the unfathomably brilliant comedic talent to pass through that studio, my personal favorites being master rantologist and obvious influence Lewis Black and real life Jewish manic pixie dream girl Kristen Schaal, as well as cameos from countless political superstars, most of whom I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. There was one last, spotless Goodfellas parody featuring Marty Scorsese himself, threatening litigation and one final Quixotic call for sanity from the man we have all come to know and love. All topped off with a performance from Stewart favorite, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band who, naturally, I usually hate but in the heat of the moment, nearly brought me to tears. Oh hell, who the fuck am I kidding, I was balling like a bitch, we all were and just like that it was over.

If your not from my generation then you cant possibly comprehend how much this half hour TV show meant to us. We didn't have a Dan Rather or Walter Cronkite to bring some sense of sanity to our chaotic universe. We were left with nothing but a circus of barking thieves and liars, with there own twisted agendas, to turn to and we had Jon Stewart, a snarky veteran of the 90's alt comedy scene, who was the one man we could rely on to tell us the fucking truth but for me he was something more then that.

During my darkest days of despair and depression, when it seemed like the whole ugly world was burning down at my feet, when everything felt utterly hopeless and I had nothing, I had the comfort of knowing Jon Stewart would be waiting for me at the end of the day, like a light at the end of a dark, dismal tunnel to bring some sense of justice to this rancid place.

I didn't always agree with Jon. Like most people, he occasionally pissed me off, mostly because he refused to pistol whip Henry Kissinger, something high on my bucket list, but by and large, with the sole exception of Democracy Now's Amy Goodman, his was the one voice I could trust to set the record straight. A Gen-X cult hero, weened on a steady diet of Eugene Debs, Lenny Bruce and punk shows at City Gardens, Jon never seemed like a mainstream celebrity, he was one of us, only better. Always more of a bull shitting left wing populist then a liberal, Stewart wasn't afraid to dish it out to both ends of the paradigm, whether he was calling out the Republicans for being bloodthirsty, hate-mongers or the Democrats for being lying, glad handing, pussies. Stewart was always ruthless and hilarious.

While generally cordial to his guests, regardless of how disgusting they were, Jon was also given to mercilessly thrashing untouchable creeps like crooked, hedge fund rodeo clown, Jim Cramer and unrepentant, war cheerleader Judith Miller ( which made my fucking year ). Best of all, he never thought twice about furiously caning the ass-hats of cable news. Once again, his hilariously spot on impressions of race bating, neo-McCarthyist, shock jock, Glenn Beck, made my fucking year. Jon Stewart was the anti-news anchor.

But there is only so much shit one man can wade through before drowning in filth. So, much like fellow silver haired, progressive ass whooper, Ralph Nader, Jon Stewart grew tired of the endless struggle to save a people content with there fecal graves and finally threw in the towel, so he could spend more time with his family ( who he's told are wonderful people ) and he's more than fucking earned it. As much as it pains me to see another truth crusader lay down the sword, no one deserves to ride off into the Jersey sunset more then Jon Stewart and no one will ever be able to fill that void he's left behind that desk, certainly not that South African frat-bro dip-shit the network's dumped on us, and maybe no one should.

So godspeed Jon Stewart and thank you, from the bottom of my bitter, jaded, Anarxist heart for keeping the light on for us. We'll do our damnedest to return the favor.

My War With Words

Holy fucking shit balls, Batman! That last one was a bitch and a half to write. I'm sure it was a bitch and a half to read too. So I greatly thank you kindly, the few of you with the patience and fortitude to actually make it all the way through my Anti-NATO Manifesto and that means you and quite possibly only you, Aunt Barb. Any attention I can actually get from this thing is very much appreciated but Jesus tap dancing Christmas this blogging thing is a lot less easy then I thought it would be and for most people it probably is easy but in case you haven't noticed I'm not most fucking people. I'll explain a bit of my writing process and maybe you'll understand.

I have a very peculiar mix of gifts and disabilities that makes this shit kinda time consuming. On the one hand, according to my last psych exam at least, my verbal skills are on the high end of average. On the other hand, according to the same psych exam, my mechanical skills are on the rock bottom end of average. Basically, I'm a poor mans savant, with my right brain on the gas and my left on the breaks. It would be a lot damn easier if I was just plain fucking stupid. As a result of this odd predicament, I have all these things I wanna fucking say but I cant right them down fast enough. I literally can't keep up with myself. So I'll often be writing sentence two before I'm even finished writing sentence one.

An example;  Holy fucking shit balls, Batman! That last one sure it was a bitch and a half to read.

Annoyingly confusing, right?! Well try working your ass off to write a goddamn eight page manifesto, only to read a bushel of batshit fucking nonsense. Its goddamn infuriating. So I need total concentration to write and I have to write the first draft because I cant type worth shit. So I'll listen to whole albums on YouTube, through my headphones, while writing on a pad of paper next to the keyboard. Usually, one or two albums will give me enough time to finish but this one took me seven   ( Fucking seven!!! )

1. Isn't Anything by My Bloody Valentine - Beautiful, weird and fucking beautiful

2. Atomizer by Big Black - Ugly, weird, scary and absolutely brilliant

3. Gish by The Smashing Pumpkins - A personal favorite

4. Album ( Generic Flipper ) by Flipper - Insane, another personal favorite

5. Nowhere by Ride - Shoegaze at its most majestic

6. On Fire by Galaxie 500 - A new personal favorite

7. Psychocandy by The Jesus And Mary Chain - The best album of the 80's and my favorite of the bunch

This whole process alone usually takes a couple of days. This one took a goddamn week and then I have to fucking type this thing, which, as I said before, I can't do worth shit. I type, hunt and peck style, with two hands and two fucking fingers, one letter at a time and only a few hours a day, because if I type any longer then that my stir fried lizard brain starts to feel like runny cream corn and my wrists ache like a tweeked out, chronic masturbator. This shit usually goes on for fucking days. This time it took another goddamn week and then I proof read until my eyeballs fucking bleed then, finally, I push publish and fucking scream.

Your probably asking, "Why fucking do it then?". The answer is simple, because I love it and I never regret it, once its finished. I wrote this last post because I was sick and tired of the media's totally one sided coverage of the war in Ukraine and I thought at least one American comrade should give the rebels side of the story and if I reach one person, just one single fucking person, even my Aunt Barb and make them think twice, even if I don't convince them in the end then it feels totally worth it and when I see that people in countries I'll probably never see like Romania and Kyrgyzstan ( Yes! Fucking Kyrgyzstan!! ) have seen my page, that's  even better. ( Sorry Aunt Barb ) And that's it. Having a voice that reaches past the walls of my rural Pennsylvania house makes all the cramps and headaches totally worth it.

So be patient, Dearest motherfuckers and I'll keep busting my fat ass to make it worth the wait.

The "Russia" Problem ( An Anti-NATO Manifesto )

All across the vast expanses of Eastern Europe the hills are alive with the grinding sounds warfare. From the frigid shores of the Baltic to the warm waters of the Black Sea, the former nations of the Warsaw Pact serve as a virtual theater for a chorus of tanks, fighter jets, battle ships, missile batteries and other assorted, high powered, multi million dollar murder machines filling the sky, the sea, the land, with levels of firepower lethal enough to punch a fucking hole through the sun. War games they call it. They got the fucking war part right but this shore as shit aint no fucking game.

The collective forces of the mighty NATO, over twenty nations and hundreds of thousands of soldiers are convening on the borders of Putin's Russia, the worlds most colossal pariah state, ready to pounce upon there query at a seconds notice. Whispers of a Third World War fill the air like smoke and that dreaded specter of nuclear holocaust leers its ugly head over all like a hungry wolf licking its chops over the blood spattered body of its dying prey. But why? How? How the fuck did we get here? How did it come to this? The world once again divided against itself in another doomed war dance.

If you follow the news then you already have the answers or at least you think you do but like most things in the mass media, this new cold war isn't all that it seems. In fact you may be shocked by how little the western worlds coverage reflects reality. One thing we can all agree on, dearest motherfuckers, is that this nasty little saga begins in the Ukrainian  capitol of Kiev.

By the year of our lord, twenty hundred and thirteen, the former Soviet Republic of Ukraine, like many a post-communist state, was a shell of its former glory, corrupt, depleted, and racked with poverty and crippling debt. The west, as always, saw opportunity in the misery of others. The European Union with strong backing from these United States offered then Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych an opportunity to join there elite organization, only there was a ketch. While Ukraine would technically be a member of the EU, it would be something of a second class citizen. While the economic powerhouses of Western Europe would be given full access to the nations cheap but well trained industrial workforce, Ukraine would receive zero access to the kind of immigration rights that would benefit its own economy and increasingly desperate populace. Too put it simply, it was a shit deal but the Ukrainian people were so thirsty for change, any change, that the shit deal wasn't without its fanfare, especially from the nations oligarchs, looking to beef up there own Eurocentric portfolios.

Then Russia weighed in. Vladimir Putin offered Yanukovych a major bailout on its considerable debts to the Motherland in return for a new trade deal between the nations in hopes of avoiding the terrifying prospect of losing the land that gave birth to Russian society to the western orbit. Putin's motives were far from economic, as the deal was far more of a risk to Moscow then it was to Kiev. Putin knew that joining the EU was just the first step in a well documented western plot that ended with NATO's loaded revolver pressed firmly against Mother Russia's temple. So Putin pulled out all the stops to sweeten the deal, leaving the historically opportunistic Yanukovych with the final decision. Yanukovych did the logical thing and took Russia's better deal and then Kiev exploded.

Funny thing about a riot, like a forest fire, even when its planned it looks totally random, kind of like a flash mob and that's essentially what the so called Euromaiden protests became, one big, bloody, billion dollar flash mob, designed and funded by the US State Department. By its own admission, the ironically named National Endowment for Democracy dumped over five billion dollars into poverty stricken Ukraine over the last twenty years, all going to a rogues gallery of corrupt parties and organizations devoted to blindly supporting policies that benefit corporate America and February 2014 was proof positive that those tax dollars weren't spent in vain. What was originally a tiny, inconsequential protest held by a spattering of well meaning if woefully misinformed upper middle class college students in Independence Square became flooded with outsiders, mostly from Ukraine's long pro European western border region, bused in by the hundreds by western backed oligarchs who also beefed up there numbers by paying cash strapped locals to stand in with prefab signs and look pissed.

The real muscle however came in the form of neo-Nazi thugs like Svoboda and the even more violent Right Sector, both organizations designated anti-Semitic hate groups by the Simon Wiesenthal Center. As much as these goose stepping shit heels may hate the Jews, they hate there nations ethnic Russians far worse. Many of them called openly for the whole sale annihilation of both. As the Euromaiden flash mob quickly became a full scale riot these testosterone drunk, skin head cretins took center stage, dressed to the nine in there finest bomber jackets and curve stomping boots, wielding portraits of there vile hero, Nazi collaborator Stepan Bandera, who lead a squadron of racist savages who littered the countryside of there beloved fatherland with the corpses of tens of thousands of innocent Jews and Russians. Now the ideological progeny of these twisted twats have become our boys in Ukraine or as the lapdog American media have so crassly proclaimed them, "brave pro democracy activists". Give me a fucking break.

Naturally it didn't take too long for things to go from bad to way fucking worse with the freedom loving boot boys of Svoboda and Right Sector smashing windows, burning dumpsters and engaging Kiev's own hometown knuckle draggers in the police in full tilt urban combat.

It became painfully clear to both Prime Minister Yanukovych and the EU that things were getting way out of hand and they began trying to work on a compromise that would save the nation from utter bedlam but not everybody shared there thirst for peace. In late February a recording of a private phone conversation between the US Ambassador to Ukraine, Geoffrey Pyatt and Assistant Secretary of State for European Affairs, Victoria Nuland was leaked by unknown sources and to say the leak was an ear opener would be an understatement for the fucking record books. Pyatt listened on compliantly to Nuland, a zesty little dish of Neocon hate fuck who spends her free time away from ass raping democracy canoodling with her equally ultra violent hubby, Bushite Robert Kagan, undoubtedly over a bed of pictures of there numerous victims, anyway.... Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah! Pyatt was listening compliantly while Nuland blew her fucking top over the audacity of the EU to work for peaceful compromise while her and her Obama appointed cohorts worked so hard to overthrow a fucking sovereign nation and look professional doing it. "Fuck the EU" Nuland infamously proclaimed indignantly before her and the Ambassador got to work assembling the names of there favorite Quislings to fill the ranks of the post Yanukovych junta to be. The western media light heartedly covered the "Fuck the EU" section of the story like a goddamn sports blooper but carefully avoided talking honestly about the context in which these words were spoken and totally fucking ignored the fact that two American officials were caught red handed plotting a goddamn coup.

In spite of Miss Nuland's leaked transgressions or perhaps even because of them, the EU managed to secure a totally reasonable compromise with Mr. Yanukovych, who agreed to constitutional reforms and to bump up upcoming national elections to allow the people of Ukraine to decide for themselves which path to take the country down. Everything seemed resolved until  a wave of violence tore its way through Independence Square before the ink on the deal was even dry. Over a matter of hours, 94 people were slaughtered among the throngs of cops and protesters with over 900 injured in a series of bloody sniper attacks followed by intensified urban combat. It didn't take the west long to pin the blame on the embattled Ukrainian Prime Minister, but the motive never really added up. Why the hell Would Yanukovych bust his ass to come up with a peaceful compromise which would undoubtedly pleased the majority of the country only to rip it up and unleash the hounds of hell on the much publicized Euromaiden protesters giving his enemies all the momentum they needed to fucking finish him which is precisely what they did.

Before the bodies were even cold in Liberty Square, Euromaidens skinhead shock troops took several government buildings by storm in a cluster of rapid fire attacks which seemed peculiarly well coordinated for supposedly random acts of revolutionary vengeance. Finally, last but not least, they stormed the Prime Ministers private residence, fucking up the help when they got in there way. Viktor Yanukovych, no saint but a man fairly elected in a fair, internationally observed election. A man who had once been a trusted Allie of the United States was given no choice but to flee the country for his life, allegedly all due to the hubris of his own mindbogglingly idiotic despotism. Like I said this whole fucking narrative felt strange to me. Nothing made a lick of sense until another leaked phone call made things painfully clear.

Urmas Paet, an Estonian Foreign Affairs Minister and by no means an Allie to his nations former occupier, Russia, was sent to investigate the sniper attacks in Kiev. Paet was shocked by what he discovered. After speaking with the main doctor of the Maiden mobile clinic, who was the first medical professional on the scene, Paet came to the horrifying conclusion that the sniper attacks, committed against both protesters and police, were perpetrated by a single party in order to ignite a battle in the streets of the capitol. The exact same kind of bullets had been found in all the bodies and they were not police issue. The only other force present, capable of that level of organized violence was Right Sector, a group not averse to using brutality to get its way. Paet informed the leadership of the EU of his unsettling findings but mysteriously, no further action was taken. The world probably never would have even heard about the investigation if the phone conversation between Urmas Paet and EU Foreign Affairs Chief, Catherine Ashton hadn't been leaked. The EU did its best to play down the importance of the conversation but a visibly indignant Urmas Paet quickly held a press conference, defending the assertions he had made on the leaked call and calling for further investigation but sadly, further investigation never came.

A lot of speculation has gone into who leaked the aforementioned phone call. Some people point the finger at Russian Intelligence, the likely culprit in the "Fuck the EU" phone leak. While others place the blame on Ukrainian SBU agents still loyal to Yanukovych. All very possible, but my own personal theory is that good old Urmas Paet leaked the calls himself after growing tired of his findings being ignored and swept under the rug by his maddeningly indifferent superiors. How does that old saying go? Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned? Regardless, sadly, it hardly made any difference to the western media who simply never reported the story.

It didn't take long after the collapse of the Yanukovych government for a western backed junta, virtually identical to the one suggested by Victoria Nuland, to form and receive an automatic stamp of White House approval. The interim government was a veritable who's who of corrupt, NED funded Washington bootlickers led by the spooky, mantis like, Arseniy Yatsenyuk or as his loving puppet masters affectionately call him, Yats. Far more distressing then the meteoric rise of the insectoid, King Yats was the prominent role played by Euromaidens Nazi muscle in the new order with the reigns of the Ukrainian military being handed over to Svoboda strongman, Ihor Tenyukh and the National Police being run by Washington's favorite neo-Nazi death squad, Right Sector. While the western world didn't seem at all bothered by one of Eastern Europe's largest combat forces being hijacked by racist gangsters who speak of the Holocaust with the wide eyed nostalgia of a cherished holiday memory, the rest of Ukraine was paying attention and the nation that lost over a third of its population to the Third Reich wasn't about to stand for a fucking repeat.

Race and nationality are a tricky subject in Ukraine since there isn't any real genetic difference between ethnic Ukrainians and ethnic Russians, so its really all a matter of identity and in Ukraine as in much of the world, this identity is based largely on language. While only, roughly 17 percent of Ukraine are believed to be ethnic Russians, well over a quarter of the population are Russian speakers, most of them residing in Southern and Eastern Ukraine, most of them working class and most of them Yanukovych voters and when these salt of the earth, blue collar folks learned that not only was the man they elected fair and square overthrown in a foreign funded coup but the bastards put in his place included openly russophobic, neo-Nazi's who celebrate the men who slaughtered there ancestors they naturally reacted with disgust and outrage and when that same junta proclaimed there intentions to ban the Russian language reducing there population to permanent apartheid status that outrage boiled over to full blown rage.

In no place was this rage more palpable then Crimea, a picturesque peninsula on the Black Sea that had been part of Russia from the days of Catherine the Great until Nikita Krushchev arbitrarily handed the region over to his homeland, the Soviet Republic of Ukraine, in 1961, allegedly in the throws of a drunken stupor. But to many on both sides of the border Crimea remained Russian territory, soil fought for, gallantly for centuries against the Ottomans, the Whites and the Nazis and when Ukraine declared independence from Russia after the fall of the Soviet Union with a little help from there friends in Washington, these proud people were ready for another fight, this time to return to the motherland once and for all. Before things could come to blows, Russia stepped in to help broker a treaty between Ukraine and Crimea. Crimea would remain part of the new Ukrainian democracy under the condition that they be given the rights of a semi autonomous republic, complete with there own parliament and prime minister and that Russia be aloud to maintain there naval base in Sebastapol, a major source of economic revenue for the entire peninsula and everything went smoothly until Kiev breached the tiny republics trust by overthrowing the government they overwhelmingly voted for and replacing it with one very hostile towards there interests. The Crimean people called bullshit and refused to recognize this new order. The Crimean parliament voted overwhelmingly to declare independence. A popular and internationally observed referendum followed with over 96 percent of Crimean's voting to rejoin Russia.

Despite the crass, baseless lies of the western media, Russia NEVER, I repeat NEVER FUCKING INVADED CRIMEA!!! This assertion is nothing less then pure, weapons grade, fucking HORSESHIT! There were Russian soldiers in Crimea, some twenty thousand but these soldiers had been there for decades, long before the February coup and had every right to be. Under the aforementioned treaty, the port city of Sebastapol had the right to house as many twenty-five thousand Russian troops and there is not one single solitary shred of evidence that any of these troops ever left there bases before Crimea declared independence and the defacto republics poorly armed militia asked Russian soldiers to help them defend there borders against threats made by Kiev's Nazi junta during the referendum process.

By recognizing Crimea's wish to rejoin Mother Russia, Vladimir Putin was doing nothing more tyrannical then recognizing the will of the people. No different then what the US and the UN did with Kosovo in 2008, only with far less bloodshed and a popular referendum. I personally could give a fuck about Putin but the people of Crimea have spoken. They stood up, bravely, for there democratic rights and THEY WON, not Russia. That should be a goddamn inspiration to any democracy loving citizen of the world, regardless of nationality.

And Crimea was an inspiration, to there ethnic Russian neighbors to the north in the eastern border region of Donbass or as its known to locals, Novorossiya. Like Crimea, Novorossiya is a traditionally Russian region, only made a part of Ukraine unilaterally by Lenin in 1921, in order to create a buffer zone between Moscow and the US backed Czarist death squads of Galicia, in the wake of the White Terror. And like Crimea the hardworking miners and factory workers of industrial Novorossiya never considered themselves Ukrainian to begin with. So when they found themselves under the yolk of a foreign backed, anti-Russian junta they took to the fucking streets and demanded a referendum on independence only to find themselves staring down the barrels of Kiev's tanks, sent by the junta to suppress the peoples will. But those Nazi fucks underestimated the Novorossiyans, a hard scrabble, twin fisted, working class people who had already survived the scourge of Hitler and his bitch boy Bandera and weren't about to take another fucking Reich sitting down.

The streets of Donetsk and Luhansk exploded with the righteous fury of an oppressed people scorned. Unlike Maiden, this was no fucking flash mob. Don't dare believe the shit the presstitutes have fed you. These people were not Russians. They were Novorossiyans and after years of taking Kiev's bullshit they had finally found there voice and they weren't alone. Novorossiyans and other ethnic Russians serving in Ukraine's military and police forces throughout the nation suddenly found themselves serving under the tutelage of poorly trained, snot nosed skinheads who viewed them and there families as little more then parasites. So they left there posts but kept there guns and returned home to the east to defend there homes and people from the inevitable fascist onslaught. They were also joined by friends and family from the border region of Russia, who were terrified of the prospect of Nazi's, once again at there borders. Yes, a handful of them were indeed Russian soldiers, on leave and acting on there own volition, not to lead but to serve under there Novorossiyan cousins.

Well armed and trained, largely by the Ukrainian army who betrayed there democracy, these people came together and united beneath the flags of there ancestors, who had fought for the same land themselves, so many decades ago. Like there ancestors, these new partisans got organized, formed militias and replenished there arsenals with weaponry and vehicles taken from nearby armories, bases and police stations, much of which was already abandoned by fleeing Kiev loyalists, once they realized they were outnumbered.

These are the big, bad rebels the Pentagon and NATO are always blubbering hysterically about. A makeshift confederation of Slavic rust belt peasants. Poor people fighting for what little land they have left. Some of them want independence. Some of them want to rejoin Russia but most of them originally wanted nothing more than the federal autonomy afforded to the ethnic republics of neighboring Russia. They tried doing things peacefully but were met with fucking tanks, Tiananmen style. As one flawed cold warrior once mused, "Those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable".

Washington's sock puppets in Kiev wanted a fucking war and they got one, only they got far more then they bargained for. Those Slavic rust belt peasants, it turned out, could fucking fight and with the Ukrainian armies best soldiers joining these peasants back home in Novorossiya, the junta was left with little more then the pock marked, soccer hooligans of Right Sector, who weren't so fucking bad outside there cozy snipers nests. One thing any punk can tell you is that skinheads cant fight worth shit unless they have there victims surrounded and outnumbered. When faced with a real fucking fight, there asses turn to jello like that (Snap fingers with sass here) and one thing any Nazi German could tell you, if the dead could fucking talk, is that Russians can fucking fight. So it didn't take long for the so called rebels to make serious gains in taking back there territory.

When faced with a war they couldn't win fairly, the neo-Nazis and there handlers resorted to the time honored tradition of lies and propaganda. Every time the rebels made another gain, the State Department told another lie and there loyal presstitutes took that lie and did what presstitutes do best, swallow. Lie after lie, they gulped down and spit back out into there hungry audiences gaping mouths like a stomach shaken cocktail of undeniable fact. There favorite lie of course is that tired old standard of THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING! THE RUSSIAN ARE COMING! The Russians are arming the rebels! The Russians are training the rebels! The Russians ARE the rebels! All fucking bullshit. All provided with zero irrefutable evidence, only hacked Twitter accounts and blurry, undated pictures and the media whores ate it all without asking once what they were putting in there mouths. Pretty soon the lies became so ludicrous that even the juntas allies in German intelligence began to deny these embarrassingly outrageous tall tales but that didn't stop Germany and every other spineless western nation from sacking Russia with sanctions for a war Moscow consistently attempted to broker a peaceful end to.

Far from being the cartoonishly ferocious, Stalinist conqueror the media dutifully portray him as, Vladimir Putin, in reality, is just another feckless bureaucrat attempting to prevent a NATO take over of his next door neighbor and going out of his way to avoid using force to do so but the lies kept on coming and then came the grandest and most gruesome lie of them all.

On July 17, 2014, Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 was shot down over a hotly contested area of Eastern Ukraine, killing all 298 people on board. Once again the White House, the junta and there devoted presstitutes didn't wait for the charred remains of the innocent to stop smoldering before pinning the blame on the rebels and, of course, Russia itself, parading out it's usual cavalcade of grainy photos and social media nonsense but the strangest thing happened once NATO finally got its hands on MH17's rebel guarded black box. Everyone shut up. Kiev, Washington, the EU, SILENCE. All there near operatic cries for international investigation ceased immediately, without explanation and the press, who for weeks could talk about nothing else, 24/7, but Russia's evil shadow leering over the wreckage SIMPLY  STOPPED  TALKING....    ....SILENCE.

Then some very strange facts began to surface. It turns out the US had a telescopic satellite above the crash site at the time of the shoot down but, despite frequent Russian requests, refused to release there footage. The Ukrainian junta also refused to release the air traffic communications with MH17, despite the fact that the plane had veered miles off course over a known war zone without explanation and of coarse contents of the black box remained a secret. Something was up, but what.

America and there latest fascist rump state may have had there normally yammering traps sealed shut but Russia wasn't keeping quiet. They held a press conference in which they released there own telescopic satellite imagery, showing a Ukrainian fighter jet in hot pursuit of MH17 just before the crash. The American media didn't respond. In fact they didn't even cover the conference. If its just bullshit then why not prove it? But nope, nothing, TOTAL BLACKOUT.

The Russian accusations make sense when you look at the facts. The amount of precision it would take to shoot a jet of that size down at that altitude would make mistaking it for anything but a commercial airliner next to impossible. Even NATO has admitted this in an attempt to further demonize the rebels. Only what possible motive could the rebels have to commit such a deliberate and senseless act of violence? They were winning the goddamn war for Christ's sake. They had the Nazi's on the fucking ropes, in spite of near universal international condemnation of there basic right to defend there land. Why would they further jeopardize there hard fought gains and already dwindling international standing by purposely shooting down a clearly civilian airliner? It makes absolutely zero goddamn sense. And Russia, assuming you believe the NATO sponsored propaganda of there presence in Novorossiya, had even less motive to commit such a senseless crime. Which leaves only the neo-Nazi Ukrainians, who were getting there fucking asses hammered into the goddamn dirt and were literally begging for the western aid a false flag attack of this nature would and did guarantee them and of coarse the war whores in the media were more then happy to jump all over another opportunity to flog there favorite whipping boy, Putin.  You do the fucking math. All the politicians and there symbiotic butt slaves in the media sewer have already made up there minds. Fuck the evidence! Who needs it when lies sell like crack. Anytime MH17 is actually mentioned anymore, usually only in passing, its to very matter of factually accuse Russia of the crime as if its already been proven.

But that's not all folks! As if the lies of MH17 weren't enough to make your fucking head explode Scanners style, there's the great invisible Russian invasion of 2014/15. After being pushed to the brink of extermination by an onslaught of missiles and mortar fire, much of which cowardly directed at there families in heavily populated, civilian areas, the rebels found there second wind and made many inroads in liberating Southern Novorossiya, making a direct link to there still surrounded comrades in Crimea a real possibility. Once again, Washington and Kiev loudly blamed Russia for there failings, this time going so far as to accuse Putin of a full blown invasion, complete with tanks and armored vehicles and thousands of Russian soldiers. There proof for this outrageous claim, a single satellite image showing a battalion of unmarked vehicles, the kind commonly used by both Russian and Ukrainian armies in an undisclosed location with zero landmarks to prove the nature of the location. It could have been anywhere, Russia, Ukraine, Zanzibar! and that was it, nothing else. A massive force of thousands of foreign invaders, armed to the fucking teeth in a modern European country full of camera phones and hand held devices and not a single picture, not a single fucking snapshot was taken by anyone on the ground of these fucking bastards. NOT ONE!!! Apparently that evil mastermind Doctor Putin had cooked up the formula for a top secret invisible army. You can just see that sly, Slavic fox now, laughing maniacally, HOO-HAH-HAH!!!, as he pets a fluffy white cat with a single pinky raised to his pursed lips. Goddammit, Vlad the Magician, you did it again! You sneeky butthole you! MORE SANCTIONS!!!

All the lies in the world couldn't save America from a fact it should have learned generations ago. You cant suppress a peoples will to be free. It failed in Vietnam and it failed again in Novorossiya. After months of ferocious warfare, the embattled people of Donbass declared independence via popular referendum, becoming the Donetsk Peoples Republic. Strapped with layers of crippling sanctions for crimes they didn't commit, Russia, sadly, cowardly joined the rest of the so called international community by refusing to even recognize the new state. Apparently, somewhere between Crimea and Donetsk, Putin lost his fucking balls. Banderist Ukraine held its own elections, unsurprisingly making a total mockery of the institution, banning the countries two largest opposition parties, the Communists and and the exiled Yanukovych's Party of Regions and suppressing eastern access to the ballot boxes. Good old Yats kept his job as PM. Many "reformed" members of Svoboda hopped over to more PC, so called moderate parties, while still maintaining there racist values and scored choice spots in the new parliament and a notoriously corrupt chocolate magnate named Petro Poroshenko ( Think Willy Wonka, only with African wage slaves instead of oompa loompa's) became the first President of American Banderastan and doves were everywhere and flowers bloomed and all the western puppeteers and media whores were balling there fucking asses off at this vile anti-democratic minstrel show that there filthy fucking lies and filthier fucking money made possible. There little Nazi Pinocchio was a real boy now!

But this mask of democracy couldn't save Banderastan from the righteous, Old Testament style ass whooping that the Donetsk Peoples Republic was all to willing to serve up to there goose stepping former countrymen. Finally these aforementioned asses broke and begged for a truce. Against the wishes of his State Department handlers and skinhead shock troops, The new chocolate king joined Russia, France and an Increasingly fed up Germany at the peace table in Minsk, with his tail between his legs and agreed to the first in a series of ceasefires that seem to have finally stuck in spite of Right Sectors continued efforts to sabotage it by provoking Novorossiya on the border.

NATO's war with Russia, however, has continued unabated and even escalated, with a seemingly endless onslaught of sanctions, currency manipulation and scariest of all increasingly aggressive and provocative war games on Russia's borders, daring Putin, like a schoolyard bully, to make the next move, launch the "first strike" and give us our Slavic Gulf of Tonkin so we can finally begin the Third World War, but why? Why risk a goddamn nuclear holocaust, all for a chunk of toxic real estate that will always mean more to Russia then it does to us?

The startling answer to these questions I believe can be answered by exploring the philosophies of two of Washington's most influential post-Cold War insiders who have also served as two of the Obama administrations closest advisers, former National Security Adviser to President Jimmy Carter, Zbigniew Brzezinski and Project for the New American Century co-founder and neocon gadfly, Robert Kagan (Victoria Nuland's aforementioned husband), both of these powerful men support the dangerous idea of America as the worlds singular super power, a sort of idealized benevolent neoliberal empire, a new world order. Both of these men have slightly different ideas about how to achieve this goal but both agree, quite openly, that the number one obstacle to Americas quest for global primacy remains Russia, namely for there unique geographic position as a land bridge between Asia and Europe. Integration between these two continents, in the eyes of Brzezinski and Kagan, would mean an end to the vaunted American Century and the beginning of the new Eurasian Century, pushing the United States into a position of second place in a new multi polar world order which would ultimately redistribute power more equally across the globe. The only way to prevent this nightmare of global equality, Brzezinski and Kagan tell us, is to encircle and ultimately dismantle Russia and over the last couple decades that's precisely what America has done using the twin barrels of NATO and the National Endowment for Democracy.

In 1989, President George H.W. Bush made a fateful promise to Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev. Let the Berlin Wall fall and Germany reunify under West German power and NATO, an organization allegedly established to prevent the expanse of Communism in Europe, would not expand a single inch eastward toward Moscow. Gorbachev naively agreed. The wall fell and it took the US less then a decade to break its promise.

It all began with the American funded disintegration of Yugoslavia, Russia's closest post-Cold War Allie, culminating in the NATO bombing of Kosovo in 1999, that same year NATO engulfed Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic in one single gulp. The next year began the first of a long line of so called Color Revolutions, Highly coordinated, NED funded "uprisings" designed to appear totally random. First up was the Bulldozer Revolution in the recently obliterated Yugoslavia in 2000, which, in many ways served as the final death nail of modern Yugoslavia's founding father, Marshal Tito's dream of a united multi-ethnic Socialist republic, leaving nothing but a shattered cluster fuck of western dependent ethno-states in its wake. Next came the 2003 Rose Revolution in Georgia. Then in 2004 Ukraine was rocked with the Orange Revolution, which, ironically, first brought Viktor Yanukovych, always the opportunist, to power in Kiev. That same year Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia all joined NATO, bringing America's growing empire right to Russia's doorstep. Then, in 2005, Kyrgyzstan was hit by the Tulip Revolution, bringing another corrupt, anti-Russian regime to power in the former Soviet Union and the year after that came the failed 2006 Jean Revolution in Belarus and so the noose tightened.

At a 2008 NATO summit in Bucharest, the US vocalized its support for inviting both Georgia and Ukraine into the Alliance. A month later the EU concurred. Later that same year Georgia made the unprecedented move of illegally invading the sovereign, ethnic Russian oblast of South Ossetia, provoking a Russian intervention to end Georgia's reckless slaughter of Russian civilians. Russia also took the drastic but necessary step of liberating the long oppressed border nation of Abkazia, in order to prevent similar bloodshed. The US feigned outrage but they got exactly what they wanted. They had finally succeeded in provoking a violent reaction out of Russia in order to demonize the federation and further convince its neighbors that only NATO could save them. The next step was Ukraine and the rampage continues to this day.

You see, Russia is not the problem. Russia has never been the fucking problem. Big bad Putin isn't putting fucking army bases in Mexico. Moscow isn't forking over millions to fund pro-Russian candidates in Jamaica or the Bahamas. No, Russia isn't the fucking problem, the United Empire of America and there protection racket NATO are the fucking problem. The Cold War didn't end it just got colder before it got hot.

And through out all this bloodshed and conquest, the western media has been complicit, if not with its shameless propaganda then with its silence. The so called fifth estate has shamed itself repeatedly by taking its marching orders directly from the Pentagon, never asking questions, trading its dignity for access and demonizing anyone who dares to question the sanity of undying allegiance to the American Empire with childish cat calls of traitor and Putin lover. The result? A first world democracy with a population less informed then most banana republics.

Let me make it abundantly clear to all you brainwashed motherfuckers out there in motherfuckerland. I am by no means a traitor and I'm shore as shit no fucking Putin lover. As I said before, I could give a shit about Putin. In fact I have more then a few bones to pick with the steely eyed bastard, myself. Frankly, I find his treatment of Chechnya and the LGBT community to be nothing short of abhorrent. But I didn't right this post for Putin. I wrote this post for the proud people of Crimea and Novorossiya, who I do support, unequivocally for the same reason I support the people of Chiapas, Abkazia, Palestine, Kurdistan, Tamil, and Chechnya. Because they are fighting for there freedom and there people and there dignity, just as this nation once did, so many years ago. I only just wish those traitors in Washington could remember that. Maybe another revolution would remind them. shit, who the fuck am I kidding, I can barely leave my house but a hermit can dream, a hermit can dream....

Twenty-Seven

Well, dearest motherfuckers, this last week has been a bit of a fucking roller coaster ride for your favorite shut in muckraker. First there was my twenty-seventh birthday which had me a little blue at first. If you find yourself asking "what the fuck are you bitching about" then you've never dealt with depression and I kindly suggest you go fuck yourself with something sharp and rusty.

Along with the usual dreary thoughts of getting older and lurching another step closer to the grave, I also found myself preoccupied with the uncomfortable fact that my personal hero, Kurt Cobain, shuffled off this mortal coil at the age of twenty-seven. The ugly way he chose to leave this world aside, everything Kurt ever was and ever did was done by this age. Leading Nirvana, who I believe were the greatest rock and roll band since the Stones burned out and became a parody of there former selves. Creating Nevermind and In Utero, what I believe to be two of the three greatest albums of the last few generations along with Hole's Live Through This(by Kurt's widow Courtney). Not to mention the mini cultural revolution he almost inadvertently ignited that brought punk rock back to the forefront of relevance, where it fucking belongs and Kurt achieved all of this and more while suffering with chronic pain and mental illness that makes my own woes look downright trivial by comparison and what the fuck have I done with my twenty-seven miserable years but suffer, exist and bitch, bitch, bitch. No job, no car, no wine, no women, no wonder its dark.

So, yeah, I started this week feeling pretty fucking down but then the unbelievable occurred, in Washington of all places, that pulled my fat, bellyaching ass back up.

Just in case you live in a fucking ditch, I'll fill you in. The Supreme Court blew the dust from there lazy asses and did something right for a fucking change by striking down the last section standing of Bill Clinton's disgustingly hateful Defense of Marriage Act, making gay marriage legal in all fifty fucking states, from Florida to Alaska, from North Dakota to Texas, FUCKING TEXAS! If your gay you can marry the one you love in fucking Denton, Texas! Bigots be damned.

Needless to say this victory was a long, long, long time in the making for the LGBT community. Over forty years, nearly half a fucking century of tireless, thankless struggle, from the uprisings of Stonewall to the court house steps, just to be recognized as equal and nothing more and a lot of people didn't make it. So many wonderful, beautiful people, unsung heroes lost along the way to disease, indifference and outright hate. This victory was for all of them and all of us too including breeders like myself. For everyone who's ever been picked on, stepped on, left out and told they don't belong, we ALL fucking won this week. This week we are all queer and we are all fucking beautiful.

So what if I've lived twenty-seven years without doing a goddamn thing. The gay rights movement had to wait forty-six just to fucking live, I can wait a few more without beating myself up about it. At the end of the day the best we can do is fight for a future and if we fail let us fail with honor, pride and dignity and let these brave failures give others the strength to succeed so we never fail in vain.

I only wish Kurt could be here to see the sun rise. I think even he would agree it was worth the wait.

Stay beautiful, dearest motherfuckers, stay beautiful.