Tuesday, May 9, 2017

The JFO Doctrine

Once upon a time, every successive White House administration had its one big war. Sometimes these wars were traded down from regime to regime and, of coarse, there was always a plethora of bloody little side projects, you know, coup d'tats and the like, but each administration had their defining war to justify their shallow existence, their Korea, their Vietnam, their Persian Gulf.

But lately, over the last couple of decades or so, America has been hoarding wars like a geriatric shut-in who can't seem to adopt enough hissing feral cats. Administrations start wars and nobody ever finishes them. The next administration just adds more wars as if an ever elusive successful conflict will somehow cancel out the shitty ones they refuse to end. But inevitably each new conflict just becomes yet another shitty conflict stuffed inside another shitty conflict stuffed inside another shitty conflict like some kind of imperial turducken baked in white phosphorous.

Washington's mouthy prostitutes in the so-called mainstream media seem to be perplexed by this scenario. These gnashing heads, often veteran war-hoarders themselves, seem to have no clue as to how we got here. Oh, but they're just bursting with bright ideas on how to get out. Bomb this. Bomb that. Arm them. Arm him. No not him! His brother, we hate 'him' now. Everything but the most obvious fucking solution, Comrade's Razor. I can sum it up in six simple words- ....Or we could JUST FUCK OFF. Some folks call this Isolationism. Some folks call it anti-interventionism. I call it the Just Fuck Off Doctrine or the JFO if your busy. It's pretty damn simple. Let me show you how it works with a few current examples.

First up: North Korea! You can't seem to turn on the Clinton News Network or Grope News without hearing the latest about this plucky little problem child. Somehow the Kim Dynasty has developed the strange notion that ditching their nukes might put them at greater risk for another American intervention. Perhaps the past fate of post-WMD regimes like Iraq and Libya may have something to do with this. But our news "experts" don't know anything about that. Their living in the here and now, not the past, dig it? And the here and now is just chock full of exciting executive options. Should we bomb them? Should we hack them? Should we muscle China into doing our dirty work for us? Should we make Seoul pay for the privilege of being our human shield? Hey guys, I got an idea! Maybe we should just fuck off?

North Korea has been willing to work with us since 1994 when former President Jimmy Carter hammered out a peace agreement to avoid a Second Korean War. The agreement was that North Korea would hand over their nukes if we would help them out with their heating bills vis-a-vis cheap gas and a couple of light water reactors, along with a pledge of non-aggression. The only problem is WE didn't hold up our end of the bargain. Then we made things even worse by putting North Korea on our Axis of Evil hit-list. Not to mention staging yearly dress rehearsals for a Third World War right on the DMZ or as we cutely call them, war games (Oh, what fun!). The solution should be pretty fucking simple- Hold up our end of the goddamn bargain, pull our troops off the goddamn peninsula and just fuck off.

Next stop: Syria and Iraq. This dustland cluster-fuck has become so colossal and convoluted that it's beginning to feel like one big bloody parody of the follies of hyper-interventionism. Several foreign armies, both invited and NATO, at least twice as many foreign "investors", dozens of proxies and militias, false flags, double crosses, triple crosses, alliances, back stabbings and more conspiracies than you can shake a fucking stick at. I, quite frankly, give up on trying to make sense of it all if that's even possible anymore. There are just too goddamn many narratives to keep up with but our Washington warlords are still convinced that they can fix this mess with more guns, more bombs, more drones and more war. We could keep this dumpster fire burning or we could make like a Comrade and just fuck off.

We've been bombing the shit out of this fucking region since the nineties and what the fuck has it achieved? We've replaced Saddam with Al-Qaeda and Al-Qaeda with ISIS and now we wanna spread the party to Syria and god knows where else? The best thing we can do for these poor people is to just fucking leave and let their neighbors in Russia and Iran carry the weight. My heart fucking bleeds for the Kurds in particular but only they can earn their independence. Our involvement, even if it were as benevolent as we claim, only serves to water down and delegitimize their revolution.

And last but certainly not least: Afghanistan. That tried and true black hole that sucks in empires and spits out ghosts. Russia, Britain, Russia again, every empire goes to this isolated mountain range to die and die hard. This is America's longest running war and there appears to be no end in site. Likely it will only come with the fall of our own hulking empire and as much as I'd love to see that empire crash and burn for the sake of us all, I don't want to see it fall like that, drowning in an ocean of blood that can only be supplied by the poor of both of our nations. Unlike Korea, Syria and Iraq, our "experts" seem to be shit out of ideas on how to solve Afghanistan. When asked, they tend to stammer about like tongue tied teenagers caught jerking off and usually just end up shrugging their shoulders and saying "What are ya gonna do?". Well I'll tell you ghoulish pricks what you should fucking do. You should pick up your shit and just fuck off.

Those mountains are ungovernable. The people gnarly enough to live there have been living the same way for a millennia and they show no sign that their willing to change any time soon and why should they? It's their damn country. If they wanna shag sheep and smoke opium, let em (somebody should be getting laid and lifted, right?). Leave em be. It's no skin off our ass or at least it shouldn't be. And if the Taliban comes back then the Taliban comes back. I have know love lost for those sexist cunts but they didn't launch 9/11, our good buddies in Saudi Arabia did and the Taliban would have been more than willing to give Osama up if we had showed any interest in respecting their pride with a deal that didn't make them swallow it and belly crawl to Uncle Sam's steel-toed boot.

War doesn't work. It doesn't get any simpler than that. Violence begets more violence. Terror begets more terrorism. No substantial peace has ever been achieved through American intervention. Even our so called Great War only set the stage for the Third Reich and the Second one only set the stage for the Cold War. How many people have to fucking die before this country finally learns to keep its hands to itself and just fuck off. It really is just that simple. So I'll say it one more time. You motherfuckers can keep it up with your bombs and your plunder until we all go broke and die beneath a mushroom cloud or you could do us all a big fucking favor including your own greedy selves and JUST FUCK OFF.

Peace, Love and Empathy- CH

Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.

* Hey Joe By Jimmi Hendrix
* The National Anthem By Radiohead
* Lexicon Devil By The Germs
* I'm Afraid Of Americans By David Bowie and Trent Reznor
* Stigmata By Ministry
* Old College Try By The Mountain Goats
* Search And Destroy By The Stooges
* Peace, Love And Understanding By Elvis Costello

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