It's pretty rare for me to have good news to report on American foreign policy for this post. So rare that I'm not really sure how to fucking do it. But I have a hard time reporting on the recent advances in the Korean peace process without being cautiously optimistic. Not only are the North and South talking disarmament but our typically petulant Man-Child-in-Chief has pulled a fucking 180 and decided to join them.
That's right, dearest motherfuckers, Mr. Fire-and-Fury has made the unprecedented decision to take his finger off the button and meet with Kim Jong Un, making him the first sitting president to meet with a North Korean leader. Don't get me wrong, the summit has been tentatively scheduled for May and with the Donald's gerbil-like attention span and juvenile impressionability, a peace smashing calamity remains very possible. But with Spring on the horizon and the sonic winds of March blowing the dreary cold of Winter away, I've made my own unprecedented decision to stay positive and give peace a chance.
Unfortunately, the fair weather peaceniks in the mainstream left-wing "Resistance" have chosen a different tact. Rather than applauding when the president finally does something right for a change, they've allowed their partisan tribalism to poison their (half-hearted) zeal for diplomacy and thrown their lot in with the craven war junkies of the neocon jet-set. The common bitch made by these desperate dilettantes is that Trump doesn't know what he's doing, he's in over his head and he has no veteran "expert" Korean diplomats to back him up. And they're right, but I fail to see how that's a bad thing.
America's defunct Korean policy has remained frozen in carbonite since the grey flannel days of the early Fifties, when men were men, women were women, and we leveled the communist North for trying to reunify their peninsula after we sabotaged attempts for a unified Korean election which even Stalin supported. After drowning the peninsula in a tsunami of napalm, the US spent the better part of the next 65 years holding dress rehearsals for round two of the holocaust on the DMZ. The Kim dynasty responded with a decades long quest for a nuclear deterrent. Under the circumstances, I can hardly blame them. The US, in kind, over responded to this response by burying the North alive in crippling sanctions that made the hermit kingdom's already devastating floods and droughts down right genocidal in a despicable attempt to starve and terrorize the nations proud populace into purging the Kims and bowing to American influence.
With the exception of a brief Carter sanctioned reprieve in the 1990's, this has been the policy of our sainted diplomatic "experts", who the limousine liberals and their new neocon friends rotting away in Pelosiville want Trump to seek council with. And with the recent sacking of the shockingly sane Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, and his replacement with ex-CIA Director and known sociopath, Mike Pompeo, they might just get what they want.
Naturally, Trump's deluded fanclub remains equally delusional, suffering from the almost laughable notion that Trump's childish, Truman with dick jokes, tough talk scared the North into compliance. Quite the contrary. Trump's belligerent and downright deranged attitude towards the peninsula is probably what convinced South Korean president and probable Nobel Peace Prize nominee, Moon Jae-In, to make his own unprecedented decision to bravely defy the wishes of his increasingly unstable American handlers and go it alone in seeking a peaceful resolution with his slightly less unstable northern counterpart, the baby-faced trust-fund despot, Kin Jong Un. I suspect that Trump senses this loss of American influence on the peninsula and has decided that his best bet is to jump into the mix at the last minute and steal the credit to feed his own insatiable ego.
God help me, but I say let him. The only thing consistent about Trump's ADHD-style of global leadership is his colossal ego. The neocons know this and milk it like a dairy farmer. Remember the jumping jacks and cartwheels those cunts did after he bombed Syria? Trump is a malignant man-child who thrives on positive reinforcement. So lets bite the bullet and suck the Orange One's micro-cock for peace. Lets make it abundantly clear that Trump can only be a big boy when he plays nice with others. I know it's fucking gross (not to mention a long-shot) but I'd do worse things for peace, dearest motherfuckers. How about you?
So three cheers for the Ginger Caligula and Korean peace! After all, we can always impeach the son of a bitch after the ink dries.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Give Peace a Chance By John Lennon
* Don't Get Me Wrong By The Pretenders
* Like Dylan In the Movies By Belle & Sebastian
* I Am a Scientist By Guided By Voices
* Mr. Tambourine Man By Bob Dylan
* In Bloom By Nirvana
* Satellite of Love By Lou Reed
* The Boy With the Arab Strap By Belle & Sebastian
Monday, March 19, 2018
Monday, March 12, 2018
Putin is Everywhere
Ever since the untimely disintegration of the Soviet paper tiger, America has been an empire in search of a scapegoat to justify its own violent existence. These scapegoats have usually taken the form of a third world tin-pot despot who the Mandarins of the mainstream media have dutifully spun into a cartoonish monster-of-the-week worthy of a stale Outer Limits rerun.
Who could forget our old frenemy, Saddam Hussein AKA the Great Porn-Stash, a dastardly Arab madman who hid his WMD's so far up his ass that even Rumsfeld couldn't shake them loose at the end of a noose. Or the Slamming Slavic, Slobodan Milosevic, who's holocausts were so efficient that the bodies vanished into midair the moment NATO boots touched Balkan soil. And Muammar Gaddafi, that Mad Dog of the Middle East who threatened American (in)security with his gold Dinars and his support for unsavory terrorists like Nelson Mandela and Steven Biko.
But America finally hit the fucking jackpot with Vladimir Putin. Finally, a boogeyman we can all believe in. For conservatives, he's the reincarnation of Josef Stalin, come to reclaim the lost glory of the storied Evil Empire. For progressives, he's a fag-bashing Orthodox nationalist with his sight set on that equally mythic Fabian miracle of globalism. And judging by his latest state of the nation address, even Vlad is sinking his teeth into the roll with his Bond-villain Ted-Talk about reducing Mar-a-Lago to nuclear vapor, albeit with the true intent of inspiring boners from crippled Russian nationalists who long for an age when being Russian didn't mean being impotent.
It's all bullshit of coarse. Smoke and mirrors. As crafty a chess master as old Vlad has proven to be in Georgia, Ukraine and the Middle East, he is merely the quasi-democratically elected leader of a rusting petro-state with a Jurassic nuclear stash that's about as funky-fresh as Gorbachev's port wine stain. Well over a year into the fakakta Russiagate witch hunt, with every intelligence organization known to man or beast taring the White House apart like a pig-tossed crack house, the most that neocon super sleuth and torture porn addict Robert Mueller has managed to scrounge up in the way of Russian collusion is a handful of right-wing, B-grade oligarchs attempting to suck up to the Kremlin with fruitless Trump Tower rendezvous', mercenary island retreats and half-baked click-bait farms. None of which has anything to do with Darth Putin, at least not in meaningful sort of way.
But just try telling that to the hysterical Hillary-ites over at MSDNC, who's wild eyed Russophobia makes Joe McCarthy look like Allen Ginsberg. To them, Vladimir Putin's strings can be seen behind anything if you look hard enough to make your eyeballs bleed. Putin is more powerful than god. He's kind of like Elvis is to hillbillies, just waiting for them behind every Burger King drive-thru window. This strange phenomenon was best personified by the great Mojo Nixon's college rock cult classic "Elvis is Everywhere". But I think the Rachel Maddow's and Joy Reid's of this world could use their own rendition....
....Cause Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king. Putin is in your jeans. Putin is in your Big Mac. Putin is in your iPhone! Putin is in your mom! Putin is in everybody. Putin's in the young, the old, the fat, the skinny, the Alt-right and Black Lives Matter. The brown and blue people got Putin in em too. Everybody's got Putin in them. Everybody except one person that is.... Yeah, one person! The Beautiful opposite of Putin.... John McCain has no Putin in him.... And Putin is in Bernie Sanders but Putin's trying to get out! Listen up Bernie baby! Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king.
But man, there's a lot of unexplained shit out there in the world. Lots of people say, what the fuck's going on? Let me tell ya! Who brought down the Twin Towers? Putin! Who shot up Sandy Hook? Putin! Yeah man, you see guys walking down the street, pushing shopping carts, and you think they're talking to Allah, they're talking to them self. Man no, they're talking to Putin! Putin! Putin! And you know what's going on in that Bermuda Triangle? Down in the Bermuda Triangle.... Putin needs boats. Putin needs boats. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin needs boats.... Yeah cause Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king. Man o man, what I want you to see, is that the big V's inside of you and me....
That's right Democrats, you're the stupid party now. Well, the other stupid party. You got a problem with that? Tell it to fucking Putin. The one place that caviar slurping motherfucker really is, is in your head.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
P.S. I'm Putin in drag.
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Elvis is Everywhere By Mojo Nixon
* Crazy By Patsy Kline
* Karma Police By Radiohead
* Everybody Wants to Rule the World By Tears For Fears
* Lithium By Nirvana
* Bae By The Front Bottoms
* Party At Ground Zero By Fishbone
* Personality Crisis By New York Dolls
Who could forget our old frenemy, Saddam Hussein AKA the Great Porn-Stash, a dastardly Arab madman who hid his WMD's so far up his ass that even Rumsfeld couldn't shake them loose at the end of a noose. Or the Slamming Slavic, Slobodan Milosevic, who's holocausts were so efficient that the bodies vanished into midair the moment NATO boots touched Balkan soil. And Muammar Gaddafi, that Mad Dog of the Middle East who threatened American (in)security with his gold Dinars and his support for unsavory terrorists like Nelson Mandela and Steven Biko.
But America finally hit the fucking jackpot with Vladimir Putin. Finally, a boogeyman we can all believe in. For conservatives, he's the reincarnation of Josef Stalin, come to reclaim the lost glory of the storied Evil Empire. For progressives, he's a fag-bashing Orthodox nationalist with his sight set on that equally mythic Fabian miracle of globalism. And judging by his latest state of the nation address, even Vlad is sinking his teeth into the roll with his Bond-villain Ted-Talk about reducing Mar-a-Lago to nuclear vapor, albeit with the true intent of inspiring boners from crippled Russian nationalists who long for an age when being Russian didn't mean being impotent.
It's all bullshit of coarse. Smoke and mirrors. As crafty a chess master as old Vlad has proven to be in Georgia, Ukraine and the Middle East, he is merely the quasi-democratically elected leader of a rusting petro-state with a Jurassic nuclear stash that's about as funky-fresh as Gorbachev's port wine stain. Well over a year into the fakakta Russiagate witch hunt, with every intelligence organization known to man or beast taring the White House apart like a pig-tossed crack house, the most that neocon super sleuth and torture porn addict Robert Mueller has managed to scrounge up in the way of Russian collusion is a handful of right-wing, B-grade oligarchs attempting to suck up to the Kremlin with fruitless Trump Tower rendezvous', mercenary island retreats and half-baked click-bait farms. None of which has anything to do with Darth Putin, at least not in meaningful sort of way.
But just try telling that to the hysterical Hillary-ites over at MSDNC, who's wild eyed Russophobia makes Joe McCarthy look like Allen Ginsberg. To them, Vladimir Putin's strings can be seen behind anything if you look hard enough to make your eyeballs bleed. Putin is more powerful than god. He's kind of like Elvis is to hillbillies, just waiting for them behind every Burger King drive-thru window. This strange phenomenon was best personified by the great Mojo Nixon's college rock cult classic "Elvis is Everywhere". But I think the Rachel Maddow's and Joy Reid's of this world could use their own rendition....
....Cause Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king. Putin is in your jeans. Putin is in your Big Mac. Putin is in your iPhone! Putin is in your mom! Putin is in everybody. Putin's in the young, the old, the fat, the skinny, the Alt-right and Black Lives Matter. The brown and blue people got Putin in em too. Everybody's got Putin in them. Everybody except one person that is.... Yeah, one person! The Beautiful opposite of Putin.... John McCain has no Putin in him.... And Putin is in Bernie Sanders but Putin's trying to get out! Listen up Bernie baby! Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king.
But man, there's a lot of unexplained shit out there in the world. Lots of people say, what the fuck's going on? Let me tell ya! Who brought down the Twin Towers? Putin! Who shot up Sandy Hook? Putin! Yeah man, you see guys walking down the street, pushing shopping carts, and you think they're talking to Allah, they're talking to them self. Man no, they're talking to Putin! Putin! Putin! And you know what's going on in that Bermuda Triangle? Down in the Bermuda Triangle.... Putin needs boats. Putin needs boats. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin. Putin needs boats.... Yeah cause Putin is everywhere. Putin is everything. Putin is everybody. Putin is still the king. Man o man, what I want you to see, is that the big V's inside of you and me....
That's right Democrats, you're the stupid party now. Well, the other stupid party. You got a problem with that? Tell it to fucking Putin. The one place that caviar slurping motherfucker really is, is in your head.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
P.S. I'm Putin in drag.
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Elvis is Everywhere By Mojo Nixon
* Crazy By Patsy Kline
* Karma Police By Radiohead
* Everybody Wants to Rule the World By Tears For Fears
* Lithium By Nirvana
* Bae By The Front Bottoms
* Party At Ground Zero By Fishbone
* Personality Crisis By New York Dolls
Monday, March 5, 2018
Gone Gun Crazy (Again)
Every time this country has another mass shooting the whole damn nation loses its proverbial shit. When it happens during an election year that 'shit' goes ballistic. Since the Parkland tragedy, the media sphere has been gassed by a veritable potpourri of preposterous "solutions" that will fix this nation's centuries old jones for mass slaughter. Democrats and Republicans alike have mounted the caskets of the victims like soapboxes to tell a country kept petrified by the 25/8 news cycle that this country is just one donation away from a cure for human nature. America has an uncanny habit of revealing its own abysmal stupidity during times of great crisis and Washington loves to milk it dry. The masses, infantilized by the strong arm of the state, beg for tyranny like bread as if it were synonymous with safety.
Well, I'm here this week to do what I do best, wake you stupid shits the fuck up with a gong called reality. I know I'm a bitch but bitches get shit done and someone needs to rise above the reactionary rabble and call a spade a spade. Gun control is bullshit. It doesn't matter how you dress it up, it still reeks to high heaven of tyranny. I get why people are upset, I am too, but you all need to get a fucking grip. The last thing you should do when confronted by a madman is lose touch with reality.
One of this country's major flaws on firearms is the chasm of ignorance that exists between hunting country and the suburbs. I don't even own a damn gun but having grown up in the sticks of a purple state, I have a full appreciation for the fact that the only real assault weapons in this country are in the hands of those tax-funded gangsters in law enforcement. An assault weapon is a fully automatic firearm designed for state sanctioned mass shootings like Waco. AR-15's are not assault weapons, they just look like them. Calling an AR-15 an assault weapon is like calling the Texas Chainsaw Massacre a snuff film. The total absurdity of assault weapons bans can be revealed by the fact that, under Clinton's post-Waco regime, you couldn't buy an AR but it was practically fucking raining Mini-14's, another high-capacity hunting rifle chambered at the same damn caliber, but it wasn't frightening enough to gives the Jones' nightmares so it got a pass. Assault weapons bans are a joke, arbitrary political theater designed to massage the fears of the ignorant. Their are no assault weapons to ban, Just technologically retarded soccer moms who can't tell the difference between a hunting rifle and a hunting rifle in drag.
Barring the mentally ill from firearms ownership sounds rational... if you don't believe in the Constitution. Millions of Americans suffer from some form of mental illness, such as myself, and we're statistically far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. But because a small minority of wack-jobs go postal apparently we should all be stripped of our constitutional rights. And where do we draw the fucking line? At schizophrenia? Postpartum depression? Social anxiety? Do we need to interrogate every person who wants to buy a twenty gauge? Do we force them to medicate first? How about piss tests, Rorschachs and lie detectors? I'm fucking serious here. I'm asking you, not telling you; where do you draw the line? Do I need to remind you people that state-regulated mental illness was the primary way the Soviet Union kept dissidents in line during the Brezhnev years? Oh, wait, I forgot, Americans don't read history books that aren't penned by sexual predators and sold at the airport. But, shit man, that's no reason not to discriminate against an entire class of people, as long as it makes YOU feel safe.
The age limit is fucked up for the same damn reason. What right do you have to tell a 19 year old girl not to pack heat on campus to keep herself from getting raped? Furthermore, the majority of accidental shootings are the product of ignorance. Is depriving young adults of learning firearm safety at an impressionable age really a virtue? If kids can be offered the option of drivers-ed in school then why not educate them about their constitutional rights? Guns can be locked away on campus just as easily as power tools in shop class and for the same reasons. Not to mention the fact that they could be handed out just as easily to straight-A students during the unlikely event of an active shooter situation. People love to harp about "the children", but what about their goddamn rights? Shouldn't the Constitution apply to them too? Or are children's rights only convenient to you when they keep your kids under your thumb? "Darlene's stepdad got grabby, but Darlene has a Glock. Now stepdad pees sitting down." Yeah, I like the ring of that bedtime story. Treat your children right, because they might, be packing....
And the liberals don't own the block on shitty ideas either. The NRA solution to the Parkland problem is to feed the arms industry it serves in heaps of corporate welfare by turning schools into goddamn super-max prisons; metal detectors, bullet-proof windows, armed guards, surveillance cameras, landmines, drones, concertina wire, fuck it! we'll take it all. Put it on the taxpayers tab. The Prison Industrial Complex must be shooting their collective wads over the prospect of quadrupling their prisons. I'm fine with allowing concealed carry for teachers, but the last thing we need is to be filling inner-city schools with white cops. Schools should be a police state free zone.
The biggest misconception on mass shootings is that guns are the problem, which is quite simply not true. Over the last few decades gun violence has steadily declined with little correlation to changing standards in gun regulation. During this same period we have seen a precipitous increase in mass shootings. This trend shows few signs of being affected by gun control. Columbine, the former record breaker for primary school violence before Parkland, happened during the Assault Weapons Ban. This rise in active shooter situations does however correlate perfectly with the decline of the middle class and the rise of cable news. At a time when people have never felt more powerless, the mass media has given round the clock coverage to anyone desperate enough to shoot up a movie theater or a college campus. With their bottomless appetite for salacious details, the talking heads of Fox, CNN and MSNBC have offered the pathologically isolated the low-hanging fruit of immortality. If these prime time jackals truly gave as many fucks about these dead kids as they tearfully claim to, they would end the fucking circus and just report the goddamn facts.
The cold hard reality of these tragedies is there are no easy answers. But, sadly, their is no shortage of Washington scum-fucks and media whores willing to exploit people desperate to believe there are. It's only natural to want someone or some benevolent force to save us from ourselves when we feel helpless but the only people who can truly save us is us. Gun control is only effective in a world devoid of all guns. This is impossible without giving the state enough power to crush us into a fine powder. The other option is to become a better armed and educated society. This option may not make us a peaceful society but it will make us a freer one. I don't own a gun (yet) but I do own a brain that leads me to advocate the latter.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Hard Love By Strand of Oaks
* Hate My Way By Throwing Muses
* God Gave Me Everything By Mick Jagger feat. Lenny Kravitz
* Only Acting By Kero Kero Bonita
* Disarm By Smashing Pumpkins
* The Lord's Favorite By Iceage
* It'll Never Happen Again By The Scientists
* You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory By Johnny Thunders
* Jesus Etc. By Wilco
* Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales By Car Seat Headrest
Well, I'm here this week to do what I do best, wake you stupid shits the fuck up with a gong called reality. I know I'm a bitch but bitches get shit done and someone needs to rise above the reactionary rabble and call a spade a spade. Gun control is bullshit. It doesn't matter how you dress it up, it still reeks to high heaven of tyranny. I get why people are upset, I am too, but you all need to get a fucking grip. The last thing you should do when confronted by a madman is lose touch with reality.
One of this country's major flaws on firearms is the chasm of ignorance that exists between hunting country and the suburbs. I don't even own a damn gun but having grown up in the sticks of a purple state, I have a full appreciation for the fact that the only real assault weapons in this country are in the hands of those tax-funded gangsters in law enforcement. An assault weapon is a fully automatic firearm designed for state sanctioned mass shootings like Waco. AR-15's are not assault weapons, they just look like them. Calling an AR-15 an assault weapon is like calling the Texas Chainsaw Massacre a snuff film. The total absurdity of assault weapons bans can be revealed by the fact that, under Clinton's post-Waco regime, you couldn't buy an AR but it was practically fucking raining Mini-14's, another high-capacity hunting rifle chambered at the same damn caliber, but it wasn't frightening enough to gives the Jones' nightmares so it got a pass. Assault weapons bans are a joke, arbitrary political theater designed to massage the fears of the ignorant. Their are no assault weapons to ban, Just technologically retarded soccer moms who can't tell the difference between a hunting rifle and a hunting rifle in drag.
Barring the mentally ill from firearms ownership sounds rational... if you don't believe in the Constitution. Millions of Americans suffer from some form of mental illness, such as myself, and we're statistically far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. But because a small minority of wack-jobs go postal apparently we should all be stripped of our constitutional rights. And where do we draw the fucking line? At schizophrenia? Postpartum depression? Social anxiety? Do we need to interrogate every person who wants to buy a twenty gauge? Do we force them to medicate first? How about piss tests, Rorschachs and lie detectors? I'm fucking serious here. I'm asking you, not telling you; where do you draw the line? Do I need to remind you people that state-regulated mental illness was the primary way the Soviet Union kept dissidents in line during the Brezhnev years? Oh, wait, I forgot, Americans don't read history books that aren't penned by sexual predators and sold at the airport. But, shit man, that's no reason not to discriminate against an entire class of people, as long as it makes YOU feel safe.
The age limit is fucked up for the same damn reason. What right do you have to tell a 19 year old girl not to pack heat on campus to keep herself from getting raped? Furthermore, the majority of accidental shootings are the product of ignorance. Is depriving young adults of learning firearm safety at an impressionable age really a virtue? If kids can be offered the option of drivers-ed in school then why not educate them about their constitutional rights? Guns can be locked away on campus just as easily as power tools in shop class and for the same reasons. Not to mention the fact that they could be handed out just as easily to straight-A students during the unlikely event of an active shooter situation. People love to harp about "the children", but what about their goddamn rights? Shouldn't the Constitution apply to them too? Or are children's rights only convenient to you when they keep your kids under your thumb? "Darlene's stepdad got grabby, but Darlene has a Glock. Now stepdad pees sitting down." Yeah, I like the ring of that bedtime story. Treat your children right, because they might, be packing....
And the liberals don't own the block on shitty ideas either. The NRA solution to the Parkland problem is to feed the arms industry it serves in heaps of corporate welfare by turning schools into goddamn super-max prisons; metal detectors, bullet-proof windows, armed guards, surveillance cameras, landmines, drones, concertina wire, fuck it! we'll take it all. Put it on the taxpayers tab. The Prison Industrial Complex must be shooting their collective wads over the prospect of quadrupling their prisons. I'm fine with allowing concealed carry for teachers, but the last thing we need is to be filling inner-city schools with white cops. Schools should be a police state free zone.
The biggest misconception on mass shootings is that guns are the problem, which is quite simply not true. Over the last few decades gun violence has steadily declined with little correlation to changing standards in gun regulation. During this same period we have seen a precipitous increase in mass shootings. This trend shows few signs of being affected by gun control. Columbine, the former record breaker for primary school violence before Parkland, happened during the Assault Weapons Ban. This rise in active shooter situations does however correlate perfectly with the decline of the middle class and the rise of cable news. At a time when people have never felt more powerless, the mass media has given round the clock coverage to anyone desperate enough to shoot up a movie theater or a college campus. With their bottomless appetite for salacious details, the talking heads of Fox, CNN and MSNBC have offered the pathologically isolated the low-hanging fruit of immortality. If these prime time jackals truly gave as many fucks about these dead kids as they tearfully claim to, they would end the fucking circus and just report the goddamn facts.
The cold hard reality of these tragedies is there are no easy answers. But, sadly, their is no shortage of Washington scum-fucks and media whores willing to exploit people desperate to believe there are. It's only natural to want someone or some benevolent force to save us from ourselves when we feel helpless but the only people who can truly save us is us. Gun control is only effective in a world devoid of all guns. This is impossible without giving the state enough power to crush us into a fine powder. The other option is to become a better armed and educated society. This option may not make us a peaceful society but it will make us a freer one. I don't own a gun (yet) but I do own a brain that leads me to advocate the latter.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Hard Love By Strand of Oaks
* Hate My Way By Throwing Muses
* God Gave Me Everything By Mick Jagger feat. Lenny Kravitz
* Only Acting By Kero Kero Bonita
* Disarm By Smashing Pumpkins
* The Lord's Favorite By Iceage
* It'll Never Happen Again By The Scientists
* You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory By Johnny Thunders
* Jesus Etc. By Wilco
* Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales By Car Seat Headrest
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Creative Solutions for Middle East Peace
The American Empire has dug a lot of shitholes across the world but none deeper than the ones dug in the Middle East, probably because we weren't the ones who started digging them. We took over for our friends, the British, who doomed the region to a century of chaos by chopping up the Ottoman Empire with that racist drunk Winston Churchill's Sykes-Picket line. The result was an absolute clusterfuck of totally phony states jerry-rigged with little attention payed to sectarian demographics. This is the source of much of the regions turmoil.
Iraq and Syria are bubbling bathtubs of blood because the Limeys essentially locked a bunch of Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds into a single prison cell, threw them a single loaf of bread and a hammer, slammed the cell door shut and said "Good luck, motherfuckers!". Israel-Palestine was essentially the same idea only with Arabs and Jews and (slightly)more genocide. This fucked up reality has presented the universe with two colossal questions; Is peace in the Middle East even possible? And, if so, then how?
My answer to the first question is a cautiously enthusiastic yes. Peace is always possible. In the eternal words of the late, great Antonio Gramsci- "I'm a pessimist because of intelligence but an optimist because of will." And where there is a will there is a way. The answer to the second question is a little more complicated. But I figured this week I'd give it a shot. I mean, I'm a goddamn agoraphobic for fuck's sake, it's not like I've got anything else going on. I might as well take a crack at the Rubik's Cube of foreign policy. So, once again, fuck it, here we go.
I wanna start by reiterating my commitment to self-determination and anti-imperialism. The West has zero right to tell anyone in the Middle East how to operate a successful government, especially considering that we've hardly figured out that one for ourselves. Just because we fucked the Middle East up doesn't mean we can unfuck it and it certainly doesn't mean we should try. But for the sake of argument, if nothing else, I do have a few suggestions for a possible solution, specifically for the big problem states of Iraq, Syria and Israel-Palestine. It works in three steps.
Step 1: Confederate- The idea that any of these cobbled hodge-podge countries could ever be a functional singular state is pure weapons-grade lunacy. The only reason these Easy-Bake nations haven't disintegrated sooner is authoritarianism and/or apartheid, but their self-destruction was always inevitable... That is in less the major sectarian regions of these dust-land dumpster-fires are given autonomy under a united confederation. The Shia, Sunni and Kurds would be given there own permanent autonomous zones in Iraq and Syria and the Arabs and Jews would be given the same in a single Israeli-Palestinian confederation based on the traditional pre-1948 borders. This means that certain classes will have to trade their privilege for peace but the dividends will speak for them self in the long run.
Step 2: Decentralize- This process can be solidified by taking it a step further and having each village and neighborhood in the autonomous zones governed by civilian councils. The councils will select representatives for each zone's congress and the people will vote for representation in a unified national congress that will guarantee equal representation by each sectarian group. The people of each autonomous zone will also vote for a president of said zone and the confederations will be led by a council of these presidents similar to the way Switzerland is run. All of these leaders and their laws would be subject to the civilian regulations of direct democracy with the populations of each autonomous zone empowered to remove and replace laws and leaders alike by popular referendum.
Step 3; Constitutionalize- Solidify all of this reform with a binding secular constitution that grants equal rights to all the confederation's citizens regardless of race or religion. The governing of this constitution would be upheld by a lottery of civilian supreme court judges selected randomly on a yearly basis with equal representation by each population. Professional judges will be provided for council but the final decision will always be made by the civilian judges themselves.
Will this fix everything? No. Will anything? Probably not. The Middle East is a fucking wreck and no amount of social change, however revolutionary, will unwreck it. The far flung ideas of a white-trash, tranny, anarchist may ring hollow to Middle Eastern ears but it's important to note that many of these ideas are as informed by Middle Eastern iconoclasts like Muammar Gaddafi and Abdullah Ocalan as they are by western ones like Murray Bookchin and Noam Chomsky (both Jews, though). All I ask of you, dearest motherfuckers, is that you think about it and think outside of the box in general. One thing I know for sure though is that we will never see Middle East peace as long as American and European boots remain planted on that sacred soil.
Ideas not bombs, dearest motherfuckers. Increase the peace.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Shades of Blue By Yo La Tengo
* Comfy in Nautica By Panda Bear
* Honky's Ladder By Afghan Whigs
* Everyday People By Sly & the Family Stone
* Wild Wild Life By Talking Heads
* Dreams Burn Down By Ride
* Repetition By The Fall
* Dreams By The Cranberries
* Me and Michael By MGMT
* Dream Baby Dream By Suicide
Iraq and Syria are bubbling bathtubs of blood because the Limeys essentially locked a bunch of Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds into a single prison cell, threw them a single loaf of bread and a hammer, slammed the cell door shut and said "Good luck, motherfuckers!". Israel-Palestine was essentially the same idea only with Arabs and Jews and (slightly)more genocide. This fucked up reality has presented the universe with two colossal questions; Is peace in the Middle East even possible? And, if so, then how?
My answer to the first question is a cautiously enthusiastic yes. Peace is always possible. In the eternal words of the late, great Antonio Gramsci- "I'm a pessimist because of intelligence but an optimist because of will." And where there is a will there is a way. The answer to the second question is a little more complicated. But I figured this week I'd give it a shot. I mean, I'm a goddamn agoraphobic for fuck's sake, it's not like I've got anything else going on. I might as well take a crack at the Rubik's Cube of foreign policy. So, once again, fuck it, here we go.
I wanna start by reiterating my commitment to self-determination and anti-imperialism. The West has zero right to tell anyone in the Middle East how to operate a successful government, especially considering that we've hardly figured out that one for ourselves. Just because we fucked the Middle East up doesn't mean we can unfuck it and it certainly doesn't mean we should try. But for the sake of argument, if nothing else, I do have a few suggestions for a possible solution, specifically for the big problem states of Iraq, Syria and Israel-Palestine. It works in three steps.
Step 1: Confederate- The idea that any of these cobbled hodge-podge countries could ever be a functional singular state is pure weapons-grade lunacy. The only reason these Easy-Bake nations haven't disintegrated sooner is authoritarianism and/or apartheid, but their self-destruction was always inevitable... That is in less the major sectarian regions of these dust-land dumpster-fires are given autonomy under a united confederation. The Shia, Sunni and Kurds would be given there own permanent autonomous zones in Iraq and Syria and the Arabs and Jews would be given the same in a single Israeli-Palestinian confederation based on the traditional pre-1948 borders. This means that certain classes will have to trade their privilege for peace but the dividends will speak for them self in the long run.
Step 2: Decentralize- This process can be solidified by taking it a step further and having each village and neighborhood in the autonomous zones governed by civilian councils. The councils will select representatives for each zone's congress and the people will vote for representation in a unified national congress that will guarantee equal representation by each sectarian group. The people of each autonomous zone will also vote for a president of said zone and the confederations will be led by a council of these presidents similar to the way Switzerland is run. All of these leaders and their laws would be subject to the civilian regulations of direct democracy with the populations of each autonomous zone empowered to remove and replace laws and leaders alike by popular referendum.
Step 3; Constitutionalize- Solidify all of this reform with a binding secular constitution that grants equal rights to all the confederation's citizens regardless of race or religion. The governing of this constitution would be upheld by a lottery of civilian supreme court judges selected randomly on a yearly basis with equal representation by each population. Professional judges will be provided for council but the final decision will always be made by the civilian judges themselves.
Will this fix everything? No. Will anything? Probably not. The Middle East is a fucking wreck and no amount of social change, however revolutionary, will unwreck it. The far flung ideas of a white-trash, tranny, anarchist may ring hollow to Middle Eastern ears but it's important to note that many of these ideas are as informed by Middle Eastern iconoclasts like Muammar Gaddafi and Abdullah Ocalan as they are by western ones like Murray Bookchin and Noam Chomsky (both Jews, though). All I ask of you, dearest motherfuckers, is that you think about it and think outside of the box in general. One thing I know for sure though is that we will never see Middle East peace as long as American and European boots remain planted on that sacred soil.
Ideas not bombs, dearest motherfuckers. Increase the peace.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Shades of Blue By Yo La Tengo
* Comfy in Nautica By Panda Bear
* Honky's Ladder By Afghan Whigs
* Everyday People By Sly & the Family Stone
* Wild Wild Life By Talking Heads
* Dreams Burn Down By Ride
* Repetition By The Fall
* Dreams By The Cranberries
* Me and Michael By MGMT
* Dream Baby Dream By Suicide
Monday, February 19, 2018
Arm the Undocumented
This country is under siege. The entire nation is in the grips of what can only be described as a gang war. The gang in question is deadly, cruel and armed to the fucking teeth. They ride rough shot across the country in their armadas of armored sports utility vehicles, raiding homes and business' like a Mongol horde. Kicking down doors, smashing everything in site and dragging innocent victims off into the night, to undisclosed hideouts where they're subjected to untold tortures; degraded, raped, beaten or worse. They target women, children, the elderly and infirmed. Whole families are shattered, savaged, annihilated. All of this misery for a paycheck, a cheap thrill and a twisted sense of honor. They number in the tens of thousands across the nation and their numbers are growing by leaps and bounds every single day.
No, I'm not talking about MS-13, Trump's latest brown scapegoat fixation. I'm talking about the Orange One's heroes in Immigration and Customs Enforcement, better known as ICE, and their knuckle-dragging flunkies in the Border Patrol who are waging a state sanctioned jihad against innocent Americans guilty of nothing more than crossing an invisible line into territory stolen from their ancestors. And I'm not trying to be glib by using a loaded word like jihad. What these gangsters are doing is nothing short of terrorism. These mass daylight raids are designed to terrorize entire populations into vacating their homes and returning to the "shitholes" this fine country trashed with it's reckless, coup-happy, gunboat diplomacy.
Another equally viable word for this repulsive rampage is ethnic cleansing and this final solution didn't start with Trump. In 2012, liberal darling and drone-strike sociopath Barack Obama broke a Guinness World Record by deporting more than 400,000 brown people in a single year, that's an average of 1,100 a day, while the bleeding-heart Jose-come-lately's in the Democratic Party dutifully gargled his balls. DACHA was largely an act of payola to pacify the Latino vote (it failed). Trump may or may not be a cross-burning racist (daddy was) but he's got some big jackboots to fill thanks to America's first black president. Ain't identity politics grand?
DACHA isn't enough. Immigration is a fundamental human right that transcends national boundaries. Anything less than full spectrum amnesty and a return to the open border policy this country use to maintain is morally unacceptable. But stateless bromides aside, the undocumented and anyone who resembles them in the eyes of our bigoted federal gangbangers has a target on their collective backs and, in the short run, no one can save them but themselves. That is why I am making a simple yet radical suggestion on how to win this war on terror against the formidable immigration industrial complex. Arm the Undocumented.
Statistically speaking, undocumented people are some of the most passive people on the planet, yet this truth hasn't done much to save them from being blackballed as rapists and killers. This status, as demonized lambs, is precisely what makes the undocumented such easy targets for state sanctioned thuggery. Why make it so easy for them? An armed and organized populace is a hell of a lot harder to terrorize than an unarmed and disorganized one. Why do you think no one fucks with the Cubans? They wore out their strategic usefulness decades ago but they armed themselves to the fucking teeth before they did. Now the government cant even keep them from kidnapping fellow refugees without creating a national crisis.
The migrants need to start packing and packing heavy but the question remains how? Gun shows are hotbeds of white nationalism. The moment the crowd turns brown will be the moment those motherfuckers lose their ethics and start checking ID's. More benevolent well armed white folks giving of their sizable arsenals is lovely charity but not enough to arm the millions of undocumented people who keep this heap of a country going and, like many forms of first world charity, it will do nothing to empower them.
Enter MS-13 or any Latino street gang for that matter, all of whom I'd like to now address directly. Cholos of the world, I am not going to pretend to approve of your chosen profession but I am a strong believer that, like all professional soldiers, criminals are merely revolutionaries with a severe lack of direction. The Blackstone Rangers and the Latin Kings proved this during the turbulence of the Sixties and Seventies and you have been awarded with a golden opportunity to prove this once more, to follow in the footsteps of Pancho Villa, Simon Bolivar and Che Guevara and prove yourselves to be more than just a menace to society but a menace to the empire and stewards of your communities to boot.
You have proven yourselves more than capable of traversing the terrain of America's teeming grey market of ghost guns and straw purchases. I am calling on you, as a Marxist Irish Catholic who's own ancestors would have starved in the Potato Famines if it wasn't for open boarders, to use these skills to arm and train the most vulnerable members of your community in a fight for their existence against our shared mortal enemies in the state. Rise up and show your strength to the world. These people are your people; your brothers, your sisters, your mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins; your familia, and they have been victimized long enough by the bottomless cruelty of a gang far more powerful and merciless than you. Ya Basta! Cholos of the world rise up and take over. Arm the undocumented, hand it over, hand it over, hand it over! Lets give those fucking cunts in ICE something to really be scared of. It's time to give the brown wave teeth.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Nervous Young Inhumans By Car Seat Headrest
* Second Skin By The Gits
* Above The Bodega (Local Business)- Titus Andronicus
* Roots Bloody Roots By Sepultura
* Police Story By Black Flag
* Down Rodeo By Rage Against The Machine
* Lake Of Fire By Meat Puppets
* Shoplifters Of The World Unite By The Smiths
No, I'm not talking about MS-13, Trump's latest brown scapegoat fixation. I'm talking about the Orange One's heroes in Immigration and Customs Enforcement, better known as ICE, and their knuckle-dragging flunkies in the Border Patrol who are waging a state sanctioned jihad against innocent Americans guilty of nothing more than crossing an invisible line into territory stolen from their ancestors. And I'm not trying to be glib by using a loaded word like jihad. What these gangsters are doing is nothing short of terrorism. These mass daylight raids are designed to terrorize entire populations into vacating their homes and returning to the "shitholes" this fine country trashed with it's reckless, coup-happy, gunboat diplomacy.
Another equally viable word for this repulsive rampage is ethnic cleansing and this final solution didn't start with Trump. In 2012, liberal darling and drone-strike sociopath Barack Obama broke a Guinness World Record by deporting more than 400,000 brown people in a single year, that's an average of 1,100 a day, while the bleeding-heart Jose-come-lately's in the Democratic Party dutifully gargled his balls. DACHA was largely an act of payola to pacify the Latino vote (it failed). Trump may or may not be a cross-burning racist (daddy was) but he's got some big jackboots to fill thanks to America's first black president. Ain't identity politics grand?
DACHA isn't enough. Immigration is a fundamental human right that transcends national boundaries. Anything less than full spectrum amnesty and a return to the open border policy this country use to maintain is morally unacceptable. But stateless bromides aside, the undocumented and anyone who resembles them in the eyes of our bigoted federal gangbangers has a target on their collective backs and, in the short run, no one can save them but themselves. That is why I am making a simple yet radical suggestion on how to win this war on terror against the formidable immigration industrial complex. Arm the Undocumented.
Statistically speaking, undocumented people are some of the most passive people on the planet, yet this truth hasn't done much to save them from being blackballed as rapists and killers. This status, as demonized lambs, is precisely what makes the undocumented such easy targets for state sanctioned thuggery. Why make it so easy for them? An armed and organized populace is a hell of a lot harder to terrorize than an unarmed and disorganized one. Why do you think no one fucks with the Cubans? They wore out their strategic usefulness decades ago but they armed themselves to the fucking teeth before they did. Now the government cant even keep them from kidnapping fellow refugees without creating a national crisis.
The migrants need to start packing and packing heavy but the question remains how? Gun shows are hotbeds of white nationalism. The moment the crowd turns brown will be the moment those motherfuckers lose their ethics and start checking ID's. More benevolent well armed white folks giving of their sizable arsenals is lovely charity but not enough to arm the millions of undocumented people who keep this heap of a country going and, like many forms of first world charity, it will do nothing to empower them.
Enter MS-13 or any Latino street gang for that matter, all of whom I'd like to now address directly. Cholos of the world, I am not going to pretend to approve of your chosen profession but I am a strong believer that, like all professional soldiers, criminals are merely revolutionaries with a severe lack of direction. The Blackstone Rangers and the Latin Kings proved this during the turbulence of the Sixties and Seventies and you have been awarded with a golden opportunity to prove this once more, to follow in the footsteps of Pancho Villa, Simon Bolivar and Che Guevara and prove yourselves to be more than just a menace to society but a menace to the empire and stewards of your communities to boot.
You have proven yourselves more than capable of traversing the terrain of America's teeming grey market of ghost guns and straw purchases. I am calling on you, as a Marxist Irish Catholic who's own ancestors would have starved in the Potato Famines if it wasn't for open boarders, to use these skills to arm and train the most vulnerable members of your community in a fight for their existence against our shared mortal enemies in the state. Rise up and show your strength to the world. These people are your people; your brothers, your sisters, your mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and cousins; your familia, and they have been victimized long enough by the bottomless cruelty of a gang far more powerful and merciless than you. Ya Basta! Cholos of the world rise up and take over. Arm the undocumented, hand it over, hand it over, hand it over! Lets give those fucking cunts in ICE something to really be scared of. It's time to give the brown wave teeth.
Peace, Love & Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; songs that influenced this post.
* Nervous Young Inhumans By Car Seat Headrest
* Second Skin By The Gits
* Above The Bodega (Local Business)- Titus Andronicus
* Roots Bloody Roots By Sepultura
* Police Story By Black Flag
* Down Rodeo By Rage Against The Machine
* Lake Of Fire By Meat Puppets
* Shoplifters Of The World Unite By The Smiths
Monday, February 12, 2018
Calling All Lonely Hearts....
I spent the better half of my twenties as a shut-in for a lot of reasons; agoraphobia, low self-esteem, PlayStation. But I broke out of the shag-carpeted prison of my parents basement for one primary reason. I was lonely, pathologically fucking lonely, and I'm not just talking about being horny, though, yeah, twenty-nine years is a long time to wait to get laid. More than nookie though, I need a partner in crime, an accomplice, a Bonnie to my Clyde, a Sid to my Nancy, a Kurt to my Courtney, a Micky to my Mallory. Unfortunately for me, I'm out of work, I flaked out of school, I don't drink, and I don't even believe in the concept of the church. I also find online dating services to be obnoxiously impersonal. But I do have a blog. It may not be the best blog on the block or even the most popular but it's MY goddamn blog and I can do whatever the fuck I want with it. And this Valentines Day I want to pull the shotgun out of my mouth and turn my blog into the worlds weirdest lonely hearts add for the worlds weirdest lonely heart. So, fuck it, here we go.
I am a trans-feminine, gender-fluid, butch-lesbian with a heart of gold but I'm probably too burly to ever pass as anything but a gender-bending dude so I honestly don't give a fuck how you identify as long as you possess a reasonably well maintained vagina (I figure one of us should have one). I would love nothing more on this earth than to be in a committed lesbian relationship but not every dyke is open minded enough to see past the beard and I've made my peace with that. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of a tough sell. I guess you could say I'm kind of the basket-case-starving-artist type, so I'm never gonna make you a lot of money. But what I lack in material goods I more than make up for with intangibles. Being the genderfuck Ursula that I am, I like to think I offer the best of both genders. I have all the bearish girth of a pre-diabetic mountain man but all the sensitive emotional availability of a bleeding-vadge girlfriend. On top of that, being in the unique position of being a dyke with a dick, I've come to appreciate female genitalia with an O'Keeffe-like fervor that verges on the fetishistic. So you'll never have to ask me twice for head. Truth be told, you'll probably need a goddamn forklift to pull me out of there.
I'm something of a homebody (shock!) with a love for couch-surfing, foreign horror movies (Audition, Let the Right One In), American Chinese food and noisy guitar pop (Big Star, Hole, Nirvana, etc.). I'm an anarchist but not the violent kind. I'm a Marxist but not the boring kind. And I'm a feminist but not the annoying kind. Basically I'm pro-pot, pro-gun, pro-union, sex-positive and antiwar. I guess you could say that I'm something of a Christian Existentialist who belongs to the church of Who-the-fuck-knows/Who-the-fuck-cares. I'm also an open minded power-bottom who's down for rope, wax, pegging, piss or whatever (I officially apologize to my aunt if she still reads this blog) but I'm also totally fine with just slothing out on the couch and snuggling with a Netflix.
The kind of girl I'm looking for reveals what a conflicted fucking cunt I am. I'm a fat Irish bitch looking for a petite brunette who likes to eat and is virtually anything between black and white; Latina, Asian, Jewish, biracial, Klingon. I also have a thing for tomboys but I despise sports. I like the spitfire type but I bruise easily. And I've always loved it when girls defend me in an argument. Us against the world is my favorite lifestyle choice. My other idiosyncratic turn-on's include glasses, pig-tales, black lipstick, pleaded skirts, combat boots and musicians. I'm a total fucking fan-girl. The only thing sexier than a girl with a guitar is a girl behind a drum-kit. My turn-off's include bottle-blondes, fake tits, vegans, high heels, bigots and vapid shallow people. If you're into keeping up appearances, minding your manors or watching your language and use the word normal for anything but a pejorative synonymous with fascist then please feel free to fuck off. However, if you're a bomb-throwing manic-pixie-scream-grrrl with a taste for fat scag-drag-fag-hags you may have just found yourself a Princess Charmless to slack off, hang out and occasionally burn stuff with.
I may be a hopeless romantic but I'm not a stupid one. I realize that this post is a fucking long shot and that the odds of me achieving much more than talking to myself again are about as likely as a successful Trump impeachment. But on a day as soul-shatteringly depressing as Valentines Day, a day designed by the Illuminati to torture the lonely, it feels good to dream big and shoot for the rafters. And who knows, maybe I've horded just enough good karma to cash in for a miracle. Agnosticism aside, I still believe in true love. You have your stupid butt-hole gods and I have mine.
Calling all lonely hearts.... Calling all lonely hearts....
It's cold out there, dearest motherfuckers. Keep warm and hold each other tight. We may be all we've got.
Peace, Love and Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.
* True Love Baby By Father John Misty
* Softer Softest By Hole
* Thirteen By Big Star
* Love Buzz By Nirvana
* Head-On By The Pixies
* Fell In Love With A Girl By The White Stripes
* Southwood Plantation Road By The Mountain Goats
* If You Don't Love Me (I'll Kill Myself) By Pete Droge
* Whole Wide World By Wreckless Eric
* About A Girl By Nirvana
I am a trans-feminine, gender-fluid, butch-lesbian with a heart of gold but I'm probably too burly to ever pass as anything but a gender-bending dude so I honestly don't give a fuck how you identify as long as you possess a reasonably well maintained vagina (I figure one of us should have one). I would love nothing more on this earth than to be in a committed lesbian relationship but not every dyke is open minded enough to see past the beard and I've made my peace with that. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of a tough sell. I guess you could say I'm kind of the basket-case-starving-artist type, so I'm never gonna make you a lot of money. But what I lack in material goods I more than make up for with intangibles. Being the genderfuck Ursula that I am, I like to think I offer the best of both genders. I have all the bearish girth of a pre-diabetic mountain man but all the sensitive emotional availability of a bleeding-vadge girlfriend. On top of that, being in the unique position of being a dyke with a dick, I've come to appreciate female genitalia with an O'Keeffe-like fervor that verges on the fetishistic. So you'll never have to ask me twice for head. Truth be told, you'll probably need a goddamn forklift to pull me out of there.
I'm something of a homebody (shock!) with a love for couch-surfing, foreign horror movies (Audition, Let the Right One In), American Chinese food and noisy guitar pop (Big Star, Hole, Nirvana, etc.). I'm an anarchist but not the violent kind. I'm a Marxist but not the boring kind. And I'm a feminist but not the annoying kind. Basically I'm pro-pot, pro-gun, pro-union, sex-positive and antiwar. I guess you could say that I'm something of a Christian Existentialist who belongs to the church of Who-the-fuck-knows/Who-the-fuck-cares. I'm also an open minded power-bottom who's down for rope, wax, pegging, piss or whatever (I officially apologize to my aunt if she still reads this blog) but I'm also totally fine with just slothing out on the couch and snuggling with a Netflix.
The kind of girl I'm looking for reveals what a conflicted fucking cunt I am. I'm a fat Irish bitch looking for a petite brunette who likes to eat and is virtually anything between black and white; Latina, Asian, Jewish, biracial, Klingon. I also have a thing for tomboys but I despise sports. I like the spitfire type but I bruise easily. And I've always loved it when girls defend me in an argument. Us against the world is my favorite lifestyle choice. My other idiosyncratic turn-on's include glasses, pig-tales, black lipstick, pleaded skirts, combat boots and musicians. I'm a total fucking fan-girl. The only thing sexier than a girl with a guitar is a girl behind a drum-kit. My turn-off's include bottle-blondes, fake tits, vegans, high heels, bigots and vapid shallow people. If you're into keeping up appearances, minding your manors or watching your language and use the word normal for anything but a pejorative synonymous with fascist then please feel free to fuck off. However, if you're a bomb-throwing manic-pixie-scream-grrrl with a taste for fat scag-drag-fag-hags you may have just found yourself a Princess Charmless to slack off, hang out and occasionally burn stuff with.
I may be a hopeless romantic but I'm not a stupid one. I realize that this post is a fucking long shot and that the odds of me achieving much more than talking to myself again are about as likely as a successful Trump impeachment. But on a day as soul-shatteringly depressing as Valentines Day, a day designed by the Illuminati to torture the lonely, it feels good to dream big and shoot for the rafters. And who knows, maybe I've horded just enough good karma to cash in for a miracle. Agnosticism aside, I still believe in true love. You have your stupid butt-hole gods and I have mine.
Calling all lonely hearts.... Calling all lonely hearts....
It's cold out there, dearest motherfuckers. Keep warm and hold each other tight. We may be all we've got.
Peace, Love and Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.
* True Love Baby By Father John Misty
* Softer Softest By Hole
* Thirteen By Big Star
* Love Buzz By Nirvana
* Head-On By The Pixies
* Fell In Love With A Girl By The White Stripes
* Southwood Plantation Road By The Mountain Goats
* If You Don't Love Me (I'll Kill Myself) By Pete Droge
* Whole Wide World By Wreckless Eric
* About A Girl By Nirvana
Monday, February 5, 2018
Fear of a Queer Planet
I was an anti-assimilationist before I even came out of the goddamn closet. You can pretty much call me anything and I'll respond 'Fucking A!'- Tranny. Faggot. Dyke. Homo. Shemale. It's not fucking insulting to me if I'm not ashamed of it and the only thing I'm ashamed of is my country. Just about the only epithet I find hard to swallow is LGBT. Part of it's the writer in me. Any sentence with that motherfucker in it twice becomes a clunky headache to read, let alone to write. But mostly I just despise the branding. LGBT was created as a crass attempt to repackage queer people for the straight world after the Reagan facilitated Aids Holocaust. It's clean. It's neat. It's tidy. It's exclusive. It's hierarchical. It's everything I fled the closet to escape and it's everything that our movement once stood against.
I prefer queer. That beautiful repossessed slur that my people once wore like a badge of honor back when we were too busy with liberation to give a flying fuck about assimilation. Under the banner of queer, we're all equal. There's no pecking order based on what certain hetero-cis-males find most threatening. We're all threatening and we should be. Straight people should fear us. We represent the joyful destruction of all the fascist puritanical bullshit that they find sacred or at least we should. Queer panic is a natural reaction from primates in the company of a radical evolution that, with any luck, will render their species obsolete.
And I'll tell you dearest motherfuckers something else right now, we should be taking recruits. Part of what makes LGBT so asinine is that we keep having to add letters. We've gone from LGBT to LGBTQ to LGBTQA. I'd say we're just under a decade from LGBTQABCDEFGLMNOP. Not that I have a problem with new blood. Quite the contrary. I think everyone should be queer in that being queer should be synonymous with rejecting the gender-sexual status quo.
Sex workers should be considered queer for taking full control of their own biological agency and exercising it however they goddamn please. Society treats these people like lepers while they bust their asses (sometimes literally) doing the hardest and most important job on earth- Getting the rest of us off. Fuck society. Their loss is our gain. If all whores are queer than half of Washington wont be able to get their rocks off until they leash the Prison Industrial Complex and stop bombing other queer people overseas.
Sadomasochists and other members of the fetish community should be considered queer for kicking down their own closet doors and having the bravery to admit that they need more than banal vanilla sex to get their jollies. Everyone's kinky. I like to watch pregnant Asian chicks piss their panties. Sex is a fucking circus of subconscious urges. There is nothing queerer than owning your dirty laundry and wearing it like a goddamn champ. I don't care if you wear a leash or dig choking yourself to bliss in a tutu and scuba goggles. If love is love is love is fuck then it's all beautiful to me. Let your freak flag fly high, furies, whipping girls, adult babies and leathermen. You're all fucking queer as far as I'm concerned. Welcome home weirdos, you're not alone.
Polygamists and polyamorists of all stripes should be considered queer for rejecting the tyranny of the nuclear family. I don't care if you're religious or just have enough love to go around, your families are just as valid as anyone else's and fuck anyone who says otherwise. The straight world likes to crow about focusing on the family. Well what about our families? The ones with two moms, two dads, three moms, five moms and one dad, four moms and four dads or one mom and four dads. Family is wherever you find love and these folks should find nothing but love beneath the rainbow flag with the rest of us malcontents.
And, as far as I'm concerned, all women should be considered queer or at least all the empowered ones. After all, what's more radically unconventional than unfettered female sexuality. The chain-smoking sluts back at my high school taught me how to be a bitch and they got as much shit as any tranny, dyke or fag for having the gull to be open about their own natural sexual appetites while the jocks could date rape their way to oblivion and get nothing but high fives around the clock for their trouble. They called these girls whores. I called them my friends and I for one would be proud to call them queer. Any bitch who refuses to cloister herself or take some lesser man's shit for simply enjoying to fuck is welcome in my tribe any day of the week.
And that's exactly what we are, a tribe. A stateless nation unto ourselves. We're a colony of freaks and perverts and cunts and misfit toys and we don't wanna be normal. Fuck normal. Normal is just Beaver-Cleaver-speak for fascist and we'll have none of it. We wont mind our manners or shave our legs or keep them shut. We wont seek your goddamn approval because, quite frankly, you haven't earned ours. Enjoy your fucking prison. We broke out and we're only coming back to free your kids. Be afraid, breeders, be very afraid. This is the dawn of a queer planet.
Peace, Love and Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.
* Little Bird By Annie Lennox
* New For You By Hinds
* Venus In Furs By The Velvet Underground
* My Girls By Animal Collective
* Trash By New York Dolls
* Do I Belong By The Hidden Cameras
* Rebel Rebel By David Bowie
* I Like Fucking By Bikini Kill
* Lunchbox By Marilyn Manson
* Credit In The Straight World By Hole
I prefer queer. That beautiful repossessed slur that my people once wore like a badge of honor back when we were too busy with liberation to give a flying fuck about assimilation. Under the banner of queer, we're all equal. There's no pecking order based on what certain hetero-cis-males find most threatening. We're all threatening and we should be. Straight people should fear us. We represent the joyful destruction of all the fascist puritanical bullshit that they find sacred or at least we should. Queer panic is a natural reaction from primates in the company of a radical evolution that, with any luck, will render their species obsolete.
And I'll tell you dearest motherfuckers something else right now, we should be taking recruits. Part of what makes LGBT so asinine is that we keep having to add letters. We've gone from LGBT to LGBTQ to LGBTQA. I'd say we're just under a decade from LGBTQABCDEFGLMNOP. Not that I have a problem with new blood. Quite the contrary. I think everyone should be queer in that being queer should be synonymous with rejecting the gender-sexual status quo.
Sex workers should be considered queer for taking full control of their own biological agency and exercising it however they goddamn please. Society treats these people like lepers while they bust their asses (sometimes literally) doing the hardest and most important job on earth- Getting the rest of us off. Fuck society. Their loss is our gain. If all whores are queer than half of Washington wont be able to get their rocks off until they leash the Prison Industrial Complex and stop bombing other queer people overseas.
Sadomasochists and other members of the fetish community should be considered queer for kicking down their own closet doors and having the bravery to admit that they need more than banal vanilla sex to get their jollies. Everyone's kinky. I like to watch pregnant Asian chicks piss their panties. Sex is a fucking circus of subconscious urges. There is nothing queerer than owning your dirty laundry and wearing it like a goddamn champ. I don't care if you wear a leash or dig choking yourself to bliss in a tutu and scuba goggles. If love is love is love is fuck then it's all beautiful to me. Let your freak flag fly high, furies, whipping girls, adult babies and leathermen. You're all fucking queer as far as I'm concerned. Welcome home weirdos, you're not alone.
Polygamists and polyamorists of all stripes should be considered queer for rejecting the tyranny of the nuclear family. I don't care if you're religious or just have enough love to go around, your families are just as valid as anyone else's and fuck anyone who says otherwise. The straight world likes to crow about focusing on the family. Well what about our families? The ones with two moms, two dads, three moms, five moms and one dad, four moms and four dads or one mom and four dads. Family is wherever you find love and these folks should find nothing but love beneath the rainbow flag with the rest of us malcontents.
And, as far as I'm concerned, all women should be considered queer or at least all the empowered ones. After all, what's more radically unconventional than unfettered female sexuality. The chain-smoking sluts back at my high school taught me how to be a bitch and they got as much shit as any tranny, dyke or fag for having the gull to be open about their own natural sexual appetites while the jocks could date rape their way to oblivion and get nothing but high fives around the clock for their trouble. They called these girls whores. I called them my friends and I for one would be proud to call them queer. Any bitch who refuses to cloister herself or take some lesser man's shit for simply enjoying to fuck is welcome in my tribe any day of the week.
And that's exactly what we are, a tribe. A stateless nation unto ourselves. We're a colony of freaks and perverts and cunts and misfit toys and we don't wanna be normal. Fuck normal. Normal is just Beaver-Cleaver-speak for fascist and we'll have none of it. We wont mind our manners or shave our legs or keep them shut. We wont seek your goddamn approval because, quite frankly, you haven't earned ours. Enjoy your fucking prison. We broke out and we're only coming back to free your kids. Be afraid, breeders, be very afraid. This is the dawn of a queer planet.
Peace, Love and Empathy- CH
Soundtrack; Songs that influenced this post.
* Little Bird By Annie Lennox
* New For You By Hinds
* Venus In Furs By The Velvet Underground
* My Girls By Animal Collective
* Trash By New York Dolls
* Do I Belong By The Hidden Cameras
* Rebel Rebel By David Bowie
* I Like Fucking By Bikini Kill
* Lunchbox By Marilyn Manson
* Credit In The Straight World By Hole
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